the pain of a thousand days
by hetalia13canada
Summary: after mattie nearly kills himself and his bullying problem gets worse, his dad decides to send him to a type of boarding/reform-like school. there, he goes through withdrawl from smoking, has hallucinations and tries to continue cutting himself. he meets gil, who's there for being an alcholic. gil takes a liking to mattie and tries his best to help him get better.
1. Chapter 1

Almost every night, I have the same nightmare. Of course, it wasn't so much as a nightmare as an exaggeration of my life. At least I get wake up from the actual nightmares though.

I get teased and beat up for being gay, I don't know how they figured it out, but they did. I am forgotten by everybody I know. I am invisible. My brother and my dad don't notice me, unless dad is punishing me for something Al did. And my cousin who lives with us hasn't had time for me for a while now. So I'm all alone.

And because I am forgotten and ignored so much, I resorted to cutting to make sure I'm still alive. That doesn't make up for all the pain and suffering for when I _am_ noticed. What makes me forget that pain is smoking marijuana. I know I shouldn't, but it makes me feel calm and forget about my day. And, after using it so many times, and after cutting so many times, I think I may be addicted to both.

/\ It was my lunch period, and I was sitting in a corner, writing in my journal. Since I'm invisible, I know nobody will notice. Of course, I'm wrong though.

"Hey queer, what are you doing?" The leader of the bullies, Mike, asks, taking my journal.

"Give it back!" I exclaim, getting to my feet and reaching for it. One of the other bullies puts his hand on my head, making sure I can't grab it back. Mike clears his throat, grabbing the attention of surrounding tables, then reads aloud from my journal, taking the voice to mock a nerd with.

" 'Nobody's noticed me today again, so I think it may be safe today. Maybe I'll tell Shane I've been crushing on him.' " He pauses, letting people laugh as he imitates a stereotypical love-struck teen girl. My face grows red in embarrassment. He doesn't stop there though. "'Yeah, I'll tell him today when I see him. I just hope he won't make fun of me too. Maybe…if he returns the feelings, I'll stop-.' Stop what, gay?" he asks, picking me up by the collar of my hoodie. "What'll you stop?" I don't answer, and he rams me against the wall. "Answer me."

I still don't, and he and his buddies start beating me up. The other kids only laugh as I weakly try to defend myself. None of he faulty there comes to my rescue, not seeing me. When they finish beating on me for the time being, They drag me over to a trash can and throw me into it, hardly conscious. The other students only laugh harder and throw their trash on me and call me names as they pass. And worse of all, Shane does the same thing.

He comes up to me with a brown paper bag that once had his lunch in it.

"I-I'm sorry they r-read that Sh-Shane, b-but I-I-" I try to tell him, blushing. He cuts me off as he smashes the bag on my head.

"I have a girlfriend right now loser. Besides, I would never like you." Then he walks off, leaving me hurt more mentally and emotionally than ever before. I cry silently, unable to help myself, just getting people to make more fun of me. It doesn't hurt as much as when Shane did it though.

When I eventually pull myself out of the trash, it's two periods later. I decide to just go home. No one will notice I left anyway. I brush off some of the trash, but most of it won't get off.

I go to my locker, and when I open it, a note falls out. I pick it up and read it:

_Why do you even come here if you know you're hated? I can't find one person in the school who really knows you, much less likes you. Why don't you do everyone a favor and go to hell, where you belong?_

I drop the paper and get out of the school, forgetting my books, and run back home as fast as I can, trying not to cry. 'Kill myself?' I think as I run. 'I won't go to hell if I die. I won't. I won't! Will I? No, hell is for the bad people. I'm not bad. They just say I am. Right?'

I get home as my cousin's leaving for work. I know he'll comfort me since he always notices me. I go up to him, but before I can say anything, he just says, "Shouldn't you be in school Alfred? I'll just tell your dad about this later." I look at him, dumbfounded for a moment, new tears forming over the others before I run into the house. I run into my room, lock and close my door, and then slide down it to sit on the floor. I bring my knees up to my chest and cry into my arms.

A few minutes later, I get up and go over to my desk. I take out some of my pot and lighter and put them on top of my desk. I open another drawer, open the small box in there, and take out my blade and a bunch of gauze. I take off my hoodie and throw it onto my bed. I take the bandages off my arms, revealing the crisscrossed scars going up past both my elbows.

I take my lighter and burn the marijuana. It's more than I've ever smoked at one time, but I need it right now. I take my blade and start cutting myself.

After a few cuts that go up to my left elbow, I hear a voice.

"Why stop there?" it says. "Why not just cut up your whole arm? Take the flesh right off? And your other arm too, no need to stop here." I gently smile and nod. The voice makes a good point.

I slowly cut up my left arm, getting the hallucinations and that weird feeling in my head sooner, and it's stronger than usual.

What's coming out of my arms? It's red. It stings when I poke my arm, but it feels good too. Have my arms always been red? Where's that bell coming from? Heh, now they're green? Hey, something's there in my arm…

**America POV**

I come back from school, throw my book bag on the floor, and look through the refrigerator for food. Finding something, I go to my room and play some video games for a while.

An hour or so later, my boyfriend comes over. I had forgot I told him to come over, but he knocks on my door. I open it, annoyed at first, but then smile.

"Hey Iggy."

"Come downstairs please?" he simply asks.

"Why downstairs? Why not here?"

"Downstairs. _Please_."

""Fine." I drop the controller I had and start walking down the hall with him. I stop at a door that faintly has an odd smell coming from it. Being me, I open the door, needing to know what the smell is. I freeze, staring inside the room.

My brother is passed out on his desk. Both his arms are heavily bleeding; I can't even see any skin on his forearms, and I think I see some muscle underneath the blood on his left arm. There's a bloody blade in his right hand. It looks like there's marijuana burning on top of his desk.

"Alfred, what the bloody hell is keeping you?" Iggy asks, coming back down the hall to me. I can only stare in shock at my twin. Iggy looks in too, but luckily, he doesn't lose his composer. "Go slow his bleeding and put out that drug. Keep him breathing." he tells me as he whips out his phone.

I nod as he pushes me in Mattie's room and calls 911. I put out the marijuana, then grab the red hoodie Mattie always wears and press it over his arms. Then I see the gauze on the desk. I wrap it tightly around his arms. It's not professional at all, but it'll have to do for now. He's awfully pale, and his breathing seems way to shallow to be good.

"Come on Mattie. Why'd ya do this?"

The ambulance comes a few minutes later and they take Mattie to the hospital. Iggy and I get in the car and drive down to the hospital too. We have to go wait in a waiting room. There's no one in there, so no one but Iggy sees me crying.

He sits next to me on the small sofa and rubs my back as I cry into my hands.

"He'll be all right, love. He's getting taken care of."

"Wh-what if I was t-too l-late?" I sob out.

"You weren't too late. He's going to be fine."

"But what if he's not Iggy? Wh-what if he… d-doesn't m-make it? I was s-supposed t-ta look after h-him and m-make sure he's ok."

"Don't worry, he'll be all right." He pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back. I cry into his shoulder.

"Iggy, I could see the m-muscle in his arm. A-and it was all along the length of his arm. I-I don't know if h-he'll be o-ok."

Iggy continues to comfort me as I cry into his shoulder until I fall asleep a few hours later.

* * *

_A/N: wow, sorry i havent really posted anything all summer, i get distracted easily. i usually finish my stories before i put them up, but with my procrasination, i think if i put this up then it'll remind me to keep on writing. so, updates may be slower than usual, but for my next stories i'll make sure they're updated everyday. i promises :3_


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up later to someone shaking me. It's dad. He brought Francis with him.

"What happened to your brother?" dad asks worriedly after seeing I'm awake.

"I don't know. I-I found him p-passed out on his desk. He was smoking mariju-uana a-and his arms were a-all cut o-open." My voice is shaky, but I don't think I can cry anymore.

"I'm sure he'll be all right." I nod half heatedly. Francis seems to be taking this about as hard as I am, and maybe a little harder. I know he's close to Mattie, but…

"Why is he t-taking it s-so hard?" I ask, nodding towards a weeping Francis.

Dad looks worried for a minute before sitting down in front of me and carefully replying, "A half hour ago a doctor came in. He said that so many of his brain cells had been killed that they needed to operate on him or something. They also said…because so many brain cells had been killed…he was pronounced l-legally dead. They're doing everything they can to keep him here."

Apparently I was wrong about not being able to cry anymore. I break down sobbing. I can't believe they said he was… but he's not…he can't be. Not my little bro. Not him. Why not me instead?

"No! H-He's alright! He, he's not! He's alive! _Alive dammit_!" Iggy holds me to him and comforts me again.

A couple hours later, a doctor comes in. He says that Mattie responded well to whatever it was they did. He's not pronounced legally dead anymore. He has to rest for an hour, but then we can go visit him. An hour later, we go to Mattie's room, ad Francis and me are teary-eyed.

Mattie's lying on the bed, sleeping. His arms are heavily bandaged up to his upper arms. There are wires hooked up to him that are hooked up to complicated machines. There are some bandages on his head, and some are wrapped around it. He has an oxygen mask on. Other than that, he looks kinda peaceful.

"Mon petite Mathieu!" Francis quietly cries out. He starts speaking to him in French, crying a bit, and gently stroking his arm.

For the next few days, I can't focus on school. It's worse than normal, my focus, so dad lets me stay home. We visit Mattie every day. Iggy comes when he can. He doesn't know Mattie that well, but he knows he means a lot to me.

Over the weekend, Mattie starts waking up. Dad was getting some food, and Iggy had something with is family, so he couldn't come. So, it's just Francis and me sitting in his room when Mattie takes some shaky breaths. We both lean over him, grabbing one hand each. His breathing slows to normal, and he slowly opens his eyes.

"Comment vous sentez-vous?(how are you feeling)" Francis asks softly in French.

Mattie's quiet for a minute before softly and slowly responding, "Étourdi. (dizzy)"

Francis smiles at him and gently kisses his forehead.

"So, how are you? Are you OK?" I ask, gently squeezing his hand. He slowly nods, but quickly stops.

"Just… dizzy." he slowly says.

**Canada POV**

Once I woke up, I felt extremely dizzy. The last thing I remembered was a fish swimming in my blood, talking to me about politics.

"They said you may." Al says, gently rubbing circles in the palm of my hand with his thumb. "I'm just so glad you're alive."

"Why did you do et zough? Could you tell us?"

I shake my head a little, the motion making my head hurt and me more dizzy.

"'Ow about just me zen?"

"Non. Please don't make me talk about it." I slowly say.

"You're not gonna do it anymore are you? You're gonna stop both, right?" Al asks, worry in his voice.

I feel tears forming in my eyes, and I look at the suddenly interesting blank T.V. "I-I… Je ne peux pas arrêter. Pas maintenant. (I can't stop. Not now)"

"Mathieu." Francis gasps out. I forgot he was listening.

"What? What he say?" Al asks.

"'E says 'e cannot stop." Francis gently hugs me, and Al tightens his grip on my hand, tears in his eyes.

"M-Mattie. Ya gotta stop. Ya _gotta_. How can you say you can't when you almost- when you _legally died_ doing it?" Al sobs the words out. And the tears in my eyes overflow.

"I-I'm s-sorry A-Al. I-I'm a-addi-icted t-to it." All three of us are crying until there's a voice at the door.

"Matthew, you're awake?" Francis gets off me, but he keeps my hand in his grip. We all look over at the person who spoke: a doctor.

I slowly nod, stopping after a few seconds.

"Could you two please leave for a minute?" he asks Al and Francis. They reluctantly let go of my hands and leave. The doctor runs some quick tests and sits next to me.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Still a bit dizzy. Exhausted. Worn-out. And my arms sting and my head feels heavy."

He jots something down, nodding. "Now, you know you have to stop smoking and cutting, right?"

"I know I should."

"Will you?"

I hope he can't speak French and quietly say, "Je suis accro. Je ne peux arrêter maintenant. ll me fait me sentir mieux. Les deux d'entre eux. (I'm addicted. I can't stop now. It makes me feel better. Both of them do.)"

He nods as if he understands what I said. I only hope he didn't. "Do you need help quitting?" he asks.

I get a bit defensive at this. "I don't need any help if I don't have a problem."

"You have a problem. The sooner you admit that, the sooner you can stop."

"I don't have a problem." I quietly repeat.

He makes another note, gently nodding, before he leaves. Francis and Al come back in after a minute. Al has my polar bear with him.

"I thought you may want him." he softly says, handing me Kuma. I smile and take him, hugging him close. I show a rare smile.

"Thanks Al." I say a little louder than a whisper.

"Who are you?" Kuma asks, looking at me.

"I'm Canada." I tell him.

He tilts his head, thinking, then asks, "What happened?"

My small smile disappears. "I overdid it." I softly whisper.

"Again?" he asks. I nod, blushing.

'Again?!" Al repeats Kuma. "What does he mean by 'again'?" I shake my head, not wanting to tell him, but Kuma doesn't have a problem doing so.

"Canacake passed out when he first smoked, and then after a dance he went to. Of course, he's never smoked and cut at the same time before."

"When did 'e start?" Francis asks, worry thick in his voice, bringing out his accent more.

"Don't tell them." I beg Kuma, who disobeys me.

"Hmm… He started cutting a year or two ago, and he's been smoking marijuana for around a year and a half."

"What?" Al exclaims. "Are you serious?" Kuma nods.

"Serious about what?" I hear dad ask, coming into the room.

"Cancoon cutting himself and smoking marijuana for so long." Kuma says like it's not a big problem.

"Matthew, is that true?" I slowly nod, scared dad will get angry, but instead he just comes over and gently hugs me. "There are other things to do besides smoking and cutting. You had us all worried."

"I-I'm sorry." I quietly tell him.

"Please stop." They all beg for me to stop doing the two things that make me feel alive. I eventually lie to them, feeling guilty immediately afterwards.

"OK, I'll try to stop." I know I won't be able to though.

"Thank you." Dad tells me, and Al smiles.

"Merci." Francis says.

I manage a halfhearted, "You're welcome."

* * *

_A/N: sorry if the medicalness is incorrect. i dont know a lot about that stuff_


	3. Chapter 3

I get to go home a week or so later. The bad thing is, I have to go to school tomorrow. So, as we drive home, I solemnly look out the window, holding Kuma.

"Quelle est la question? (what's the matter)" Francis asks, rubbing my arm gently.

"Rien. (nothing)"

"S'il vous plait dites-moi. (please tell me)" he insists.

"L'école de demain. (school tomorrow)" I sigh.

"Problèmes avec le travail? (problems with the work)" Why must he insist on knowing?

"Non, les intimidateurs. (no, bullies)"

"Pourquoi pensez-vous qu'ils vous intimider? (why do you think they bully you)"

I pause for a moment, not wanting to tell him. I've never actually _told_ anyone I'm gay, and it's not like I was just going to tell him.

"J-je ne sais pas. (I don't know)" I say after a minute.

"Vous savez que vous pouvez me parler de quoi que ce soit. (you know you can talk to me about anything)" he tells me, seeing through my weak lie.

"O-oui."

"Et s'il vous plait parler avec moi, ok? (and please talk to me)"

I nod slowly. He smiles and gently pats my head.

When we get home a half hour later, I immediately go up to my room. I put Kuma on my desk, then open the drawer with my marijuana in it, since I need it calm me. The only thing is, my stash isn't there.

"Where is it? Where is it?" I mutter quietly, lookin through my desk drawers.

"Looking for this?" Al asks. I look over at him, standing in my doorway. And in his hand, my marijuana.

"Please give it back Al." I tell him, holding my hand out. He shakes his head. I walk over to him. "S'il vous _plait?_" I ask, reaching for it.

"No." he tells me, pulling the drug away. I reach for it, but he just holds it up, out of my reach.

'Damn, why does he to be taller than me?' I think as I reach for it. Al just looks down at me with a disappointed look.

"Mattie, I hate seeing you like this. Relying on something so dangerous to make you feel better?" That's not the Matthew I know, bro."

"Please just give it back. This isn't good for my stress."

"This shit is no good for your stress _or_ you. How about you try something else?"

"Like what?" I ask, slightly lowering my hand and looking skeptically at him.

"Well, when I'm stressed out, I play my video games. Dad goes to the shooting range or something like that. Iggy reads or does his, uh, 'needle work'. Francis cooks. More." When I don't reply and just continue to look at him, he very gently grabs my wrist and pulls me downstairs.

"Hey, what are you-" I start to ask.

"Francis, get your ass in the kitchen!" Al calls, bringing me there.

"My ass is already in ze kitchen!" Francis calls back, turning around to face us. "What is et you two want?"

Al brings me forward. "He's stressed. Maybe cooking can help?"

I subtly try to grab my marijuana back, seeing as Al has his focus on Francis. But apparently he has his eye on me too, since he gives my wrist a small, short squeeze making me wince He looks sternly at me, and I look at the ground.

"So let him help you cook dinner and talk with him, ok?" he asks Francis, his gaze not leaving me.

"Anyzing for petite Mathieu." Francis tells him, hugging me.

"Good. Now I'm gonna go get rid of this."

"What? No, please don't." I beg. "I need it."

"No you don't." Francis and Al tell me, practically at the same time, Francis in French.

"Yeah, I do." Francis holds me in a tight hug as I try to follow Al out and grab back my pot. Once he's safely out of sigh, Francis turns me around to face the stove.

"Finish zat for moi, won't you?" he asks. I nod, not really being able to refuse. He lets go of his embrace and I start making what he had started. He makes something else, something completing the meal.

"Zo… you smoke when you are stressed?" he asks a few minutes later, unable to deal with the silence anymore, or he just wants to know to tell Al. I slowly nod, knowing he would get it out of me eventually. "Any ozer time?" I very slowly nod, uncertain about letting him know that. "When else do you do et, ma petite cousine?"

I shake my head. "I'd rather not say."

"You won't be able to again, zo if you tell me, I can 'elp you at zose times, non?"

"you won't be able to help; you don't understand." I quietly mutter, focusing on cooking.

"You'd be surprised by what I understand Mathieu." I just simply shake my head. "How come you won't talk with me anymore? You used to be zo open to me. You were open before your mozer… I'm sorry. I did not mean to bring zat up." He tells me, gently rubbing my back. HE must have seen the tears forming in my eyes. He knows I don't like to talk about my deceased mother. It hurts to think of her sometimes. She always knew how to make me feel better.

"It's, it's done." I say, referring to the food, and the conversation, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Merci." he softly says. I help him set the table in silence. He calls Al and dad down.

Dinner is kind of awkward. Dad and Al try to start up small conversation. The first one leads to talking about my drug use and cutting. So I immediately stop talking. Al gives it a shot, but I don't say anything. We eat in silence after that, the uncomfortable tension and stress in the room.

After dinner as I start going up to my room, Al puts his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. I look over at him without emotion.

"Mattie, I took your blade and threw it away last week. And please don't hurt yourself again."

"Alright. I won't." I softly say, feeling guilty right away for the lie.

He hugs me. "_Please_ don't."

"I won't." He smiles a bit before letting me go.

* * *

_A/N: i use google for translation, so sorry if the french is wrong_


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, someone's shaking my shoulder trying to wake me. I only roll over and pull my Canadian flag blanket over my head.

"Come on Mattie. Wake up bro."

"Non s'il vous plait laissez-moi seul. (no please leave me alone)." I murmur.

"Mattie get up; you know I don't speak French." He grabs my blanket and yanks it off me before pulling me out of bed. "Get ready." Once he leaves, I fall back onto my bed and wrap myself in my blanket, blocking out the world.

A minute later though, my shoulder's being shaken again, but with a different grip.

"Réveiller Mathieu. (wake up Matthew)" Francis tells me.

"Laissez-moi seul. (leave me alone)." I murmur again.

"Fine, but if you don't get up on your own, I'll 'ave to get you ready myself, non?" I know he actually will, so I may as well get up and ready myself.

"Gimme a minute."

"Alright." I hear him leave and close my door. I get out of my safe blanket cocoon and slowly get dressed in my usual jeans and red hoodie with the white maple leaf on front. I look around for my book bag only to remember I left it at school. I truge downstairs an get greeted by Al.

"Hey, I got your stuff from school." he tells me, smiling. "It's by the door."'

"Mhm."

"Well, Francis made some breakfast." He grabs my hand and leads me to the kitchen and has me sit down.

"Oh Mathieu, thank you for joining ze world today." he practically sings. I put my head on the table and mumble. "Here, I'm sure you'll feel better after you eat." He puts some breakfast down in front of me. I glance up.

"Where's dad?" I whisper.

"He's goin' to work early this week. Why?" Al tells me. So Francis is in charge. I turn my gaze to him.

"Can I just stay here?"

"Why? Are you feeling ill?" Francis puts the back of his hand to my forehead.

"Non, I just want to stay here."

"And brood? No, I will not allow et. Now come on and eat." I slowly start eating the food, not really tasting it. When I finish eating, Francis tells me he'll drive us to school. That makes me feel a bit better about leaving, but I still dread going. After I'm ready, we get into his Renault and he drives us to school.

"Mattie, I'm gonna protect you today so won't get bullied, OK?" Al tells me as we get there. Great, Francis had told him. I thought our talks were private, that's why we spoke in French.

"You don't have to do that. I'll be fine." I tell him, getting out of the car.

"Don't be ridiculous Mattie, of course I have to. I _am_ the hero after all." He gives me one of his hero poses before we start walking. "You'll be perfectly safe."

"Sure." I mutter, having my doubts.

Al does a pretty good job keeping me safe. No one bothers me the whole day. At least until Al has chemistry and I have English on the opposite side of the building downstairs. As I walk to class, Mike and his buddies find me.

"Hey! Where ya been Matt?" Mike calls, walking over. He slings his arm over my shoulder when he gets to me, making escape impossible.

"N-nowhere." I quietly say, looking at the ground.

"You were somewhere. Where was it?" He leans in close to me, making me uncomfortable.

"Ha-hospital."

"Why?" Luckily the bell rings just then.

"Uh, the bell rang."

"I know. You see, the thing is, I've missed picking on my favorite fag."

"Don't call me that please."

He just laughs. "OK. You like _queer_ better?" I shake my head. "Well, you are one. You know what else you are?"

"A person." I meekly say.

He laughs again. "No, you're shit." He grabs me under my arms and someone else grabs my legs as my books drop. They start bringing me somewhere, but I can't see where we're going. I try to get free, but they just hold me tighter.

"Let go of me." I quietly beg. Then they bring me into the bathroom and I start panicking. "S'il vous plait laissez aller de moi, _s'il vous plait_. (please let me go, please)"

"Oh, a _French_ fag." One of the other bullies say and they bring me into a stall and put me on my knees.

"Non, not French, Cana-" I get cut off as they force my head into the toilet. Someone, Mike I assume, keeps their hand on the back of my head so I can't get up. They flush a few times until they bring me up, gasping for air.

Mike's gripping my hair tightly, making my head hurt. He pulls my head back so I'm looking up at them. They look at each other, talking about something. I can't hear them, momentarily deaf. Some of them nod and I'm brought to my feet.

"How would you like that?" I hear Mike say when I regain my hearing. "I bet you'd like that."

Before I can ask what he means, I get dragged into another stall, but with only one of them.

"So, there anything you do outside fo school?" he asks. I stare at him, kinda shocked that he was trying to converse with me like a normal person. Apparently, he didn't actually care, because once I get over the shock enough to murmur that I play hockey occasionally, he grabs the collar of my hoodie and tells me, "Only to disappoint yourself. You're not on a team, so you probably suck. Which makes me wonder, is that why you joined? To be with all those strong, probably sexy to you, guys? You wanted each of them every night, didn't you? All for yourself to get down and dirty."

He hits me, bruising my check and making my nose bleed, and possibly breaking it. I wonder why he brought me in a stall privately for this, then he pulls my curl as hard as he can, covering my mouth to muffle the moan. It hurts a lot, but, there's also that feeling I don't think they know about. Then he knees me, probably as hard as he can. I let out a small moan of pain as I fall to my knees. He laughs at me and kicks my jaw. My head goes back, hitting the wall and giving me a headache. He drags me out by hood, then puts his foot on my chest so I'm lying on the bathroom floor, unable to get up.

"Well, I'm finished. Now what?"

Mike leans over and looks at me, smirking. "Aw, did we make you cry?" he asks in a mocking voice.

"C-can't you leave me a-alone?"

"Oh, but that wouldn't be fun." They pick me up and beat me a bit. "What about humiliation next time?"

"Why next time? My phone has a camera."

"Get it out!" So, one of them takes their phone out and starts recording.

"Alright, first thing to say is, this is Matthew Williams." Mike puts his arm around my shoulders, then asks, "Tell us, what are you that you shouldn't be?"

"Quiet."

"Yes quiet, but what else?"

"B-beaten."

"No. You're _gay_. Ain't that right? Admit it to the world." He pinches the back of my neck. "Tell them."

"I-I-I'm g-g-gay." I feel myself crying, not ready to admit it to people. I know I must look pathetic.

"Good, good. Now." He brings me over to a stall and flushes my head again. When he lets go of me, I run as fast as I can. I can hear their laughter behind me. I run out of the school, leaving my stuff behind again.

I get home and run into the kitchen. I pull up my hoodie sleeves and grab a knife. I turn the water on and quickly wet my face, trying to hide the bruises, then I start cutting through my bandages. I love the feel of the blood going through the deep cuts and leaving my body again. It's not long before I hear Francis' voice behind me though.

"You're home early Mathieu, non?"

"Oui, mas vous êtes trop, n'est-ce pas? (yes, but you are too, aren't you?)" I say a bit tearily.

"What are you doing?" He comes over and I try to hide my arms, but I fail. Francis grabs them and asks again, but in French, "Que faites-vous?"

"E-essayer de s-saigner à m-mort. (trying to bleed to death)" I shakily tell him.

"Nouveau? (again)" he asks.

I nod and whisper, "Nouveau." He brings me over to a chair and sits me down.

"Pourquoi Mathieu? S'il vous plaît dites-moi pourquoi vous le faites, je said que ce n'est pas seulement l'intimidation. Quoi d'aurre est-il? (Why Matthew? Please tell me why you do it. I know it's not just the bullies. What else is it?)" He looks me in the eyes, and I feel like I can trust him, and I try to tell him.

"Ils me détestent parceque je suis… je suis…(they hate me because I'm…I'm…) I can't tell him and end up sobbing. He hugs me and I sob into his shoulder.

"Mathieu, I'm going to have to tell your dad about zis. And you're going to go somewhere where you can get 'elp, ok?" I nod, not able to speak, but not wanting to go either.

* * *

_A/N- i think gil's in the next chapter...dont worry._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: o mi gosh, i so so so sorry this took forever guys. i been having a kinda rough time, but that over and my memoryis so terrible i promise ill try my bestest to remember for now on, please dunt hate meh! *goes in corner*_

* * *

"Mathieu, pack your bags, we leave in an hour." Francis tells me the next morning. I grumble as drag myself out of bed and get dressed a few minutes later. I get my suitcase and start packing, just lazily throwing stuff in.

There's a knock on my open door and Al's voice. "Mattie?" He sounds a bit worried. I look over my shoulder at him. "You ok?"

I turn back around and reply with an unemotional, "Yeah."

"Come on bro, gimme somethin' more than 'yeah.' You left school again yesterday, and you staying in your room all evening. And Francis said you were really upset when you came back." He gently puts his hand on my shoulder and I jump a bit, not knowing he had come in.

"I-I'm fine." I try to ignore him, but it's hard to when he turns me around to face him.

"Mattie what's bugging you? Don't tell me it's nothing, 'cuz I know it's something. And I can't help you if you don't tell me what that something is."

"Al, I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help because there is nothing that can be helped. It just is what it is."

"Really? You think you're perfectly fine?"

"I know I am."

"Well, you didn't seem that way yesterday."

"Eh? What do you mean?"

He pulls out his phone and shows me a video on YouTube. Only, it's what Mike's friend shot yesterday while they beat me up. Tears start falling as I see myself go through that, almost feeling it again.

"Dude, you know there's nothing wrong with being gay, right? You know that. They've been lying, ok? There's nothing wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with you."

"Al, I-I don't wanna t-talk about it n-now. P-please leave." I start pushing him toward the door, trying to hide my tears from him.

"Mattie, don't cry. You don't have to take shit like that from those bastards. They just don't understand us." He hugs me instead of leaving. "One day they'll know how much they hurt you; how wrong they are. I'll make sure of it." He gently rubs my back. "Here, why don't you go downstairs with Francis? I'll finish your packing." He leads me downstairs and calls for Francis, who comes out of from the kitchen.

"Oui?" he asks.

"No French dude, I don't understand it. Just stay with Mattie, OK? He's feeling down again, probably due to me, or I defiantly didn't really help." Francis smacks him in the head with the spatula he had in his hand. "Ow. Just do that thing that makes him chill, ok?" He gently pushes me toward Francis before going upstairs muttering about how terrible the French are.

Francis takes my hand and leads me into the kitchen. I sit down and he continues making breakfast. "What's bozering you zo early?"

"Th-there was a… Ye-yesterday when they… ils m'ont force a avouer mon preference sexuelle et m'a ensuite victim d'intimidation alors qu'ils l'a enregistré et on la metsure l'internet et Alfred justs me l'a montré tout à l'heure et je voulais me parler, mais je suis pas prêt à parler de tout ça. Je veux juste vivre la vie comma un enfant normal, est-ce si mal? C'était humiliant. (They forced me confess my sexual preference and then they bullied me while they recorded it and they put it on the internet and Alfred just showed it to me just now and wanted to talk about it, but I'm not ready to talk about any of it. I just want to live life like a normal kid; is that so wrong? It was humiliating.)" I change to French and rush my words. When I'm finished, I'm crying a bit, overwhelmed with emotion.

Francis stops his cooking for a moment and comes over and hugs me. "C'est terrible. Il n'a pas tort de vouloir être normal. Je suis désolé vous vous sentez de cette façon. Je vais en parler à vas administrate urs de demain. (that's terrible. It's not that wrong to want to be normal. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll talk to your administrators tomorrow.)"

"P-pas s'il vous plait nele font pas. Ils vont juste me faire du mal pire. (no please don't. they'll just hurt me worse.)" I murmur.

"Non. No one will 'urt you Mathieu. While you're gone, getting 'elp for your drug and cutting problems, your fazer and I will sort out the bullying problem."

"Je n'ai pas un problem.(I don't have a problem)"

"Mathieu, you have a problem. Please realize that ma petite cousine. _S'il vous plait_. You need to realize zat first, or you won't be able to be 'elped properly. And you need to be 'elped. We want you to get better."

"Ouais, quelle que soit (yeah, whatever)." I'm done with the conversation.

"You _will_ be. You'll get better Mathieu, you really will." He kisses my cheek before he goes back to cooking. I put my head down on the table, blocking out everything. I just want to be left alone- no one understands that.

Francis puts the breakfast down in front of me. After a minute, he asks, "Mathieu, aren't you going to eat?"

"Non, je n'ai pas faim. (No, im not hungry.)" I murmur into the table.

"S'il vous plait?"

"Non."

He sighs and strokes my hair. "Do you want anyzing?"

"Oui."

"What do you want? I'll get whatever et is for you."

"Je veux que mon marijuana.(I want my marijuana)" I whisper.

"Mathieu, you know I can't get zat for you."

"S'il vous plait?"

"Non Mathieu, non."

"Vous ne pouvex pas me faire quoi que ce soit alors. (you can't get me anything then)"

"Mathieu, please don't be this way." I just ignore him and stay silent as he gently strokes my hair.

"Hey, I finished packing your bag Mattie." Al announces, coming into the kitchen a few minutes later. "That your breakfast?" he asks, sitting down.

"You can have it." I softly tell him. It's quiet for a moment, Francis and Al muttering something, before Al starts eating.

"I'm gonna take a shower." I mutter, standing up. I go upstairs, feeling terrible. I look through the drawers of my desk, not really expecting to find my blade, so I'm not sure why I'm so disappointed that I don't find it. I drag myself to the shower and try to make myself feel clean from yesterday. By the time I'm finished, I don't feel any better. So I just fall down on my bed and just lay there.

"Who are you?" Kuma asks, sitting next to me.

"It doesn't matter." I mumbled. He paws at my head.

"What's the matter?"

"My life is hell."

Kuma nudges his head against mine. He gently licks my cheek. "It won't be. That guy with the funny accent told your dad he knew a great place for you to go to. He said you'll be better; so your life won't be hell."

"I need my marijuana." I complain.

"They took it."

"I know."

"It'll be ok. You'll be unaddicted eventually."

"I want to be addicted though."

Kuma pats my head. "You'll get better."

"I'm fine now though."

Kuma moves my arm and unwraps the bandages on it to my middle forearm, showing the skin stitched back together. "The stiches say otherwise."

I grab my arm back and rebandage it. "I'm fine." I roll over so back is facing him. He nudges his head against my back, then lays down with his back against mine when I don't do anything.

"We all just want to make sure you're alright."

"I already told you; I'm fine." He stops talking, probably asleep. I stare at the wall, not thinking, just staring, and then I have a sudden idea.

I get up and look through my desk. And there, in the back left corner in the third drawer is what I'm looking for: a bottle of per scripted anti-depressant pills I needed after my mom died. I haven't used them since I was supposed to stop, and I'm not sure if their expired, but I know there are some still in there.

I grab the bottle, open it, and pour out a few into my hand. I swallow all four at nearly the same time. My heart rate picks up, yet I feel calm. My worry and sadness goes away, and I suddenly feel light and in a good mood.

"Mathieu, we're leaving now! Get your things!" Francis calls up the stairs.

"Y-yeah! S-sure!" My voice sounds different. Ignoring the stutter, it seems stronger than usual. I get up and grab my bag, Kuma, and the anti-depressant pills, putting those in my pocket, and going downstairs to Francis.

"You zeem to be in a better mood." he comments.

"Y-yup."

"Hold on." Al says, coming in from the living room. "You seemed just like this after mom died."

"R-really? M-must b-be c-concid-dence." I smile, hoping he'll buy it. He doesn't, reaching into my hoodie pocket and pulling out the bottle. He gives me a stern look.

"First marijuana and cutting, now taking pills…." he looks at the bottle, figuring out what it is, then turns his gaze back to me. "That expired three years ago." he finishes. "Do you _want_ to go back to the hospital?"

"Alfred, let me deal with et in ze car." Francis tells him.

"How long will he be away?"

"Oh, don't act like you care." I tell him. "Once I'm gone, you'll forget I was even here. You'll forget about me like everyone else does. Like you always do."

"Bro, I-I'm sorry." He hugs me and mutters, "I won't forget you; I'll miss you. Get better soon, OK? I know you can do it." He lets go of me and sees me and Francis out the door.

I get my suitcases in the back seat, letting Kuma sleep on my lap in the passenger's seat. Francis starts the car and starts the probably long drive on.

"Why did you take those pills?" Francis asks an hour or so later, when the effects of the pills wear off for the most part.

"I don't have my marijuana or my blade." I whisper. "When I feel down, I normally smoke. I remembered I still had them."

"I zought I told you to come to me when you felt down?"

I shrug. "Drugs don't tell me I'm doing something wrong."

"But you _are_ Mathieu."

"No, I'm _not_."

He sighs. "Mathieu, remember when we talked about drugs when you were smaller? You zaid you would never use zem. And as you grew, you joined groups to stop drug use. Zen…"

"I was ignored. Mom died. I was depressed, and my life was only getting worse. I wasn't planning on it, it just happened."

"Zere 'as to be a reason. You don't just start doing zomezing you stand against. What made you start?"

"Je ne veux pas en parler. Je suis fait. (I don't want to talk about it. I'm done.)"

"Please? Can't you talk about et with me?"

"Non."

"Zere's nozing I can do to 'ave you tell me?"

"Sorry, there's not." He sighs and we continue the rest of the ride in silence.

* * *

_A/N: i also so sorry gil didnt come in this chapter i forgot i totlly did im such a dummkopft. he's in the next chapter though, for realz i swears!_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: the awesome gil takes his time, but he finally came :3_

* * *

We pull up to it a few hours later. It doesn't look that impressive; just like a big private school. I'm about to ask Francis why he brought me to a private school, but then I see it's actually a rehab place. I curse mentally.

"Don't worry Mathieu. My friend is 'ere, and anozer friend works 'ere."

"That doesn't reassure me." I mutter. "In fact, that's what makes me worry."

**Prussia POV**

I'm sitting in a tree with a bottle of beer to celebrate being sober for a full week. Lucky for me, Antonio sneaks me in beers. So, as I'm sitting there and drinking, I see a blue Renault pull up. Ah, so Francis came to visit.

I jump down from the tree and walk over to where he parked. He and some blonde kid are getting suitcases out from the back.

"Hallo Francis." I say when I'm within hearing distance. "So, you finally joined us here?" I take a swing of my beer.

"Non, my petite cousin, Mathieu, is." he says, gesturing towards the blonde he came with, who is holding a polar bear.

"This innocent thing? Ha, yeah right."

"Really, 'e is. Anyway, aren't you supposed to _not_ be drinking?"

I shrug. "I can do whatever I want; you can't tell awesomeness what it can and cannot do."

"Well, just don't go influencing my cousin, alright?"

"Pfft, awesomeness doesn't choose who it influences; it just does."

"Gil please. 'E's been through a lot, and we're all worried for 'im."

I sigh and walk over to his cousin, Matthew. I study him, finishing up my bee. He looks worried and scared, shaking a bit; easy prey. He looks like an addict in his eyes, and he smells faintly of…, is that marijuana? I think it is, so he probably smokes that.

"Well, welcome neue Süchtige (new addict)." I tell him, slinging my arm over his shoulder and handing Francis the empty beer bottle. Matthew flinches at my touch, and looks at Francis; pleading silently with his eyes to take him back to wherever he had been.

"Non Mathieu. You have to stay 'ere."

"S'il vous plait? Je ne veux pas rester ici. Je ne vais pas me plais ici. S'il vous plait me raener. (Please? I don't want to stay here. Please bring me home.)" He sounds scared. I'm not sure why though, seeing as he's in the presence of the awesome me.

"Non, vous devez rester ici pour obtenir de l'aide. (No, you have to stay here to get help.)" Francis tells him.

"Combien de fois dois-je dire que je n'ai pas besoinde l'aide? (how many times do I have to say I don't need help?)"

"Matthieu. Will you excuse us for a minute Gil?"

I shrug. "Sure." Francis takes Matthew and goes over by the tree I had been in and talk. I pull on the door of Francis' car to see if it's open. Lucky for me, it is. I look in the glove department, not finding anything of interest. The backseat doesn't have anything either. In a last attempt to find any beer, I check the trunk.

"Mais vous l'avez fait; vous avez fume quand tu étais jeune! (But you did it; you smoked when you were younger!)" I turn my head to the tree at the quiet yell. Matthew looks pissed, but also like he's crying.

'_Francis'll handle it._' I think, returning my attention to the trunk. It's unfortunate, yet lucky that I find some bottles of wine. I take one, open it, and drink from it, loving the alcoholic taste. I smile and take another drink, only to have it pulled away from me.

"I thought you weren't found of wine, mon ami." Francis asks as I look over at him.

"The alcohol in it."

"But of course." He corks it and puts it back in the trunk, then closes it. "I am not your alcohol provider; please leave zat for Antonio."

"Heh, shouldn't you be telling me _not_ to drink?" I ask with a smirk. Francis glares at me, but not in a bad way that Roerich does, but in a way like don't-fool-with-me-I'm-already-pissed-don't-get-on-my-nerves friend kind of way.

"Look, Matthieu 'as 'ad some trouble at school with bullies. I mean _real_ bad trouble. I think zat 'as zomezing to do with 'im starting to smoke and cut himself-"

"_Cut himself_?" I ask, a little shocked. "So not awesome. How can someone so innocent and cute cut themselves?"

"I'm not too sure, ozer than what I told you. I just want you to look after 'im while 'e is 'ere. Can you do zat for me? S'il vous plait mon ami, my little Matthieu needs zomeone to protect 'im." he begs me. I think it over for a minute.

Francis is my friend, so it's be pretty unawesome to not help him, especially since he's begging. And I guess Matthew _is_ kinda cute, so helping him out won't hurt. Plus I saw a video on YouTube of this kid who looked a lot like Matthew who got bullied pretty bad for being gay. If Matthew's bullies were anything like that, I want to help him. …They said his name in the video.

"Francis, what's your cousin's name?"

"Matthieu, I told you zat."

"His last name?"

"He uses Williams, why?"

"Shit, that was him in that video."

"So you saw zen."

"Ja. Poor kid. I'll look after und protect the little guy."

"Oh merci, _merci_ Gil!"

So, after we got Matthew settled into his room and he had a brief tour, Francis and Matthew say good-bye.

"Please don't make me stay here." Matthew softly begs.

"I 'ave to Matthieu. You'll get 'urt if you come back. You'll be safe 'ere, and you'll get 'elp 'ere." He looks a bit questioningly at me. I only smile and shrug. He rolls his eyes and returns his gaze to Matthew. "You'll get 'elp 'ere."

"Can't do anything to make you change your mind?"

"Non Matthieu." He hugs Matthew and kisses his cheek. "I'll zee you in a week." He turns to me. "Please don't let me down."

"Don't worry Francis, I won't."

"Good, and stop drinking zo much."

I laugh. "I'll see you then."

He sighs and drives off as we wave. Me enthusiastically, Matthew shyly. When Francis is out of sight, I turn to Matthew.

"So, marijuana and cutting, huh?"

He mumbles something I can't make out.

"Hey, the awesome me asked you a question, what'd you say?"

"Y-yeah I sm-smoke and c-cut. I don't see wh-why you n-need t-to kn-know." he quietly stutters.

"I was just wondering. You don't have to act like I insulted you. Gott." I cross my arms,but when I go to glare at him, I see he's depressed, confused, scared, and looks lonely. "I'm an alcoholic." I tell him in attempt to make him feel better about telling me. It doesn't look like it worked. "Well, come on, let's go have some lunch."

He follows me, looking down the whole time. I bring him to a small café I go to with Antonio often. "You get a table, I'll get some food." He nods and I go get some food.

I get the food a minute or so later. It takes me a minute to find Matthew, since he shrank down into the chair. I set thte food down and sit across from him. "Here." I push his food toward him. He only glances up at me, then looks back at the ground.

When I nearly finish, I look up at him, going to comment on how quiet he is, but I see he hasn't even touched his food.

"You, uh, didn't eat." I tell him. He shakes his head. "You don't talk much either." He shakes his head again. "What's your problem?" I ask, putting my elbow on the table and resting my head on my hand.

"I don't have a problem." he quietly says.

"You're here; of course you have a problem. Eat something. The awesome me decided to buy you food, so you should eat it."

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

"Hey, speak up. People won't be able to hear you if you talk that quietly."

"I can't help it."

"Sure you can, just speak up."

He sinks lower into his chair and mutters something along the lines of: 'Why isn't it working?'

"What's that?"

"N-nothing."

"Well, eat then."

"I'm not hungry."

"Eat."

"Non."

"Eat. Bitte. (please)." He looks at me confused, tilting his head a bit. It makes him look a bit cuter, so I look away. "Just eat, OK?"

"Non, I-I'm sorry."

"Did you eat before you came?" He shakes his head. "Eat." He only shakes his head again. "You need to eat."

He shakes his head and softly says, "Thank you for buying this for me, but I'm not hungry. I'm really sorry." He stands up.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"My room." And then he walks off.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: im sorry. i ment to update friday, but i felt sick and yesterday i had a pig roast so i had to put my laptop in my room, and i cant get my story on my ipod, so yeah. anyway, sorry 'bout dat._

* * *

**Canada POV**

I walk down the hall of the building to my room. I close and lock the door before taking off my hoodie and throwing it on my bed. I sit down on my new bed and observe the room.

There's a desk, a small TV, a small sofa, a table, a dresser, a closet, a bathroom, a desk lamp, a window, and a ceiling fan. It's nothing really fancy, or big, but it's not small either.

I lie down and look up at the ceiling. I'll have to unpack later, I suppose. I just wish I didn't have to be here. Francis could have taken me home. He didn't have to send me here. I don't have a problem. I can show him I can stop whenever I want.

"Who are you?" Kuma asks, sitting next to me and looking down, blocking my view of the ceiling.

"I've told you, I'm Canada."

"Why are we here?"

"Francis-"

"Who?"

"My cousin."

"Who?"

I sigh. "The guy with the funny accent."

"And blonde hair who cooks good?"

"Yeah. He and everyone else think I have a problem. Apparently I'll be 'helped' here."

"Oh, so this was the place he was talking about."

"Must have been."

"Are you going to be depressed again?"

I think for a minute before replying, "I don't know."

"Who was that guy that talked with Francis?" Oh, so he'll remember Francis, but not me.

"Francis called him Gil. I think he's German."

"Why?"

"He has a slight German accent and he spoke in German."

"You speak in French sometimes."

"True." He lays down with his front paws on my arm then falls asleep a minute later. I stay like that for a while, even after it gets dark outside. I may have drifted off a few times. I feel oddly calm without anything to cause it. Well, I'm calm until there's a knock at my door.

I ignore it until the knocking turns to banging and I have no choice really but to answer it. So, I reluctantly sit up and get to my feet. I slowly walk to my door and open it. Gil's standing there with a carry out box and a bag in one hand, and smiling.

"Yeah?" I ask tiredly.

"I figured you hadn't eaten and I got your uniform." HE hands me the box and bag.

"Uniform?"

He nods. "There's a school here. They won't let us out of here, but they feel we need an education. So since it's a 'safe environment' here, they have a school."

"OK."

"And eat that, alright?" he asks, pointing to the box.

"Yeah, sure."

"Hey, don't just say you will, actually eat it, ok?"

"Yeah, I will. Thanks."

"Kesese. Sure thing. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that, he walks off down the hall, meeting up with a brown-haired guy.

I go back into my room, closing the door and putting the box and bag on the table. "May as well see what it is." I tell no one in particular a few minutes later. I go over to the tables and open the box. I smile a bit at the contents.

I think it's some kind of Spanish or Mexican food, but it smells good. The thing that makes me smile though is the plastic knife. It's nothing like my blade, but I hope it'll work.

I suddenly find myself really hungry. I turn on the TV and change it to the news. I take the box, sit on the bed, and watch as I eat. It's nothing really interesting though, just America's terrible economy. Al needs to figure out how to deal with money.

When I finish, I throw the box in the trash, but I keep the knife. I look over at Kuma to make sure he's still asleep. He is. I go into the bathroom, close and lock the door, and turn the sink on. I unwrap my left arm.

I take the plastic knife and very carefully cut along the stiches, undoing them and making my arm bleed. I smile a bit at the slight pain of the stiches being torn off unprofessionally, and I relish the feel and look of my blood flowing out of my body once again. I cut upwards a bit more, softly and contently sighing. I watch my arm bleed for a few more minutes before cleaning and rebandaging it. I turn off the sink after running the plastic knife under it. I don't know how long it will last, but I'll keep it until I can't.

I go back into my room, leaving the bathroom door open. I put the knife under my mattress before getting out a pillow and my Canadian flag blanket out of my suitcase. I take my jeans off and change into an older tee. I lie down and fall asleep a few minutes later, listening to the news and holding Kuma.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: ok, sorry if the last chapter seemed kinda short, total accident. anyways, with school started and taking two languages, two math classes, and an ap course, my life feels kinda hectic. so, i will tell ya this, i will update at least every friday. i promise. so, yeah. but once i get back into the hang of things, updates should be back to how they where before (everyday). so, sorry for the inconvience, but that's how it's gonna have to be to keep me unstressed. thanks in advance for understanding. anyway, sorry for blabbing, here's the next chapter:_

* * *

_"And today will be warm again with lows in the high sixties."_ I sit up, stretching and yawning, waking up to the weather report. I look around for Kuma, finding him curled up in the corner of the bed.

I get out of bed, yawning again, when there's a knock on my door. I drag my feet going to the door and slowly open it. Gil's standing there. He starts to say something, but before he can get much out, a slight blush grows on his cheeks; he covers his nose and runs down the hall.

I look after him, confused before I realize I don't have any pants on. I blush and quickly close my door. I look around, then spot the bag Gil brought yesterday. I get the uniform out of the bag and throw the pants on.

There's a cautious knock on my door a minute or so later. I slowly open the door to see Gil standing there again. He avoids looking at me and says, "Uh, I have your schedule here. You have first period with me." He hands me a schedule. I take it, noticing he wrote something on the bottom, and that his accent is a little thicker.

"Uh, th-thanks."

"Ja, sure thing. I'll see you later."

"Bye." He leaves down the hall, and I close my door again, leaning against it. I look over my schedule, taking notes of the room classes are, then I get down to the bottom, Gil's note.

_'So you're Francis' famous cousin? I thought you were perfect, considering how he talks about you. Turns out, you're no better than any of us here. Well, du __bist__ schlauer als jemand heir. (_You _are_ cuter then anyone here)

_Since I'm awesome and all, I'll be like your personal guide, and your first friend here. You're welcome. Now, this is my room and this is when you'll meet me here.' _ I don't understand the German he wrote, so I just ignore it. At the end of the note are his room number and the time he wants me to meet him there. I look at my watch and see he only left me a few minutes.

I shove the paper in my pocket before grabbing the rest of the uniform out of the bag and putting it on.

The uniform is blue plaid pants, a white dress shirt, black shoes, a darker jacket, which I don't bother putting on, and a darker blue tie.

I go down the hall, looking for Gil's room as I tie my tie. I don't make it far before someone grabs my arm and turns me around. I quietly yelp, closing my eyes as I tense and shrink away, expecting to get hit.

"Hey, I won't hurt you." I hear a guy with a Spanish accent say. I open one eye, just enough to see. It's the brown haired guy Gil met up with last night. He holds out his hand towards me with a friendly smile.

I slowly and cautiously take his hand, shaking a bit, and standing up straight and opening my eyes. I notice he doesn't have a uniform on. His smile flatters a little as he looks at me.

"Tsk, has Gil already influenced you niño(kid)?"

"Eh? What are you-?" He interrupts me as he finishes tying my tie. "Oh. Th-thanks."

"No problem." His smile is back. "I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Antonio Fernández Carriedo."

"Matthew Williams."

"Matthew Williams. Hmm. I think I've heard that name before. Are you famous or something?"

I shake my head. "Far from it."

"Oh! You're Francis' cousin. His 'petite Matthieu.' He really loves you." I blush a little, unsure of what kind of love he means. With Francis, it could be either. "Hey, don't worry. Oh, and if Gil's pisses that you're late, just say I stopped you, alright?"

"Yeah, I-I will. It was nice meeting you."

"You too Matthew." He smiles and ruffles my hair, oddly enough being careful to not touch my curl.

**Prussia POV**

I'm lying on my bed, unsure of what to do. HE hasn't been here a day, and I'm already thinking of him way too much. Maybe it's just because I've heard so much of him from Francis and I'm just now meeting him for the first time. But Francis never mentioned how cute he was.

My thoughts are interrupted by a soft knock at my door. I'm not so sure I heard it until there's another knock a minute later. I get up and open the door. Matthew's standing there.

"You came kinda early, didn't you?" I ask him.

"I-I'm sorry. A-according to your note, I-I'm actually a-a few minutes late." He speaks softly and quietly, and I have to focus a little to hear him. I look at my watch, trying to remember what time I told him to come here.

"Oh, so you are. Uh, ok then?" I don't see what the problem is. He doesn't say anything though; he just looks down at the floor. "Well, we should probably get going. If I'm late again, the teacher's gonna want my head." I laugh a little. He smiles a bit, but I can tell it's only a fake one. I want to see what his real smile looks like. "C'mon, let's go." I grab his hand, not seeing his slight blush, and run down to class, dragging him behind me. We get there just as class is starting.

"Gilbert, you're late." Mrs. Scaffer tells me.

"I was in the room before you started talking, so, technically, I'm not late."

"Don't be smart with me."

"Well, I brought the new addict- erm, student!" I change the subject, pushing Matthew in front of me. He shakes, just a little, obviously nervous.

Scaffer looks at me like I'm crazy or something. "You mean Matthew Williams? He's not here."

Now I look at her like _she's_ the crazy one. "He's right here." I wave over at Matthew.

After a minute, Scaffer says, "Oh, sorry Matthew, I didn't see you there."

"I-It's fine." Matthew mumbles, but no one but me heard him. I look at him, confused. How can he be fine with not being noticed?

"You can just sit next to Gilbert."

Matthew nods and follows me as I go to my seat. I guess the teacher forgot to introduce him, and no one looks over at him as he walks to the seat next to mine and sits down. He tries to pay attention, but I keep poking him until he looks over at me, looking a little annoyed.

"How come you said it was fine that she didn't see you?" I whisper.

"Because it is." he quietly responds after a minute.

"No, it's not fine. Why in the world would that be fine?"

"Gilbert." I look over at the teacher, who called my name. "Stop talking to yourself and pay attention."'

"I am _not_ talking to myself." I resisted the urge to call her a bitch or something, since I would just get in more trouble. And I couldn't get in troubled, since I needed to stay with Matthew to make sure he stayed alright.

"Yes you are, now pay attention."

"Ja, frau." I grumble.

The rest of the class, I try to get Matthew's attention again. But to no avail. The rest of the day is just really boring for me. Lunch comes, and I assume it'll be like any other day, but then I see Matthew's in my lunch. I go up to him after he gets some lunch and is looking for a place to sit or something.

"Hey!" I say, throwing an arm over his shoulder. He flinches terribly, jumping, and drops his lunch.

"I-I'm s-sorry. P-please do-don't hur-hurt m-me." he quietly begs, not even looking at me.

"Hurt you? Why would the awesome me hurt you?" I turn his head so he'll look at me. His eyes are full of fear. "Hey, don't be scared. I was just gonna let you sit the awesome me, but I guess I'll buy you another lunch now too. Kesesese."

"N-no, i-it's alright." He carefully removes my arms from his shoulders.

"Huh? Wh-what are you- what do you mean?" He doesn't want to sit with awesomeness? Is he OK?

"I-I had t-ta go see s-someone n-now. L-like a n-nurse or s-something."

"Oh." So he had to get help during lunch. That's fantastic. All I wanted to do was make the kid have a good time here, but no. They had to take him away from me. "Well, don't let them change you too much."

He nods shyly before he shuffles off. I look after longingly. I don't want him to leave. There's a weird feeling in my chest, and I have a sudden feeling to just go after him. Before I can go run after him though, there's someone yelling at me about Matthew's lunch on the floor. I yell back at him, and before I know it, our yelling had turned into a fist fight. And it's just my luck some staff walked by then.

"Gilbert!" Antonio has my arms behind my back and pulls me away from the other guy.

"He called me a liar! He called the awesomeness a liar and then he started hitting the awesome me! I'm gonna kill him!"

"Relax Gil. Just calm down and tell me what happened."

I take a deep breath and tell him, "I made Matthew jump and he dropped his lunch. He had to go, and then this bastard here said I done it when I told him I didn't. He insisted I did, then we started fighting."

"Gil, you have to stop starting fights."

"I'm getting better at not exactly starting them; I just continue and stop them."

He sighs. "Gil, you're lucky _I'm _the one who caught you at this." Then he talked to the other guy that was with him. "I'll take Gilbert with me, alright?" The guy nods, and I go to Antonio's room for lunch again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Canada POV**

I'm glad I left lunch when I did. I mean, I know Gil said he wasn't going to hurt me, but he may have. I'm not so thrilled about going to this building. It looked like the other ones, but it gives me a weird feeling.

I gingerly knock on the door, not really expecting to be heard. Surprisingly, I am. The door opens to a lady with her hair pulled back. She looks like she's a few years older than me, and nice enough. That doesn't mean I can trust her though.

"Matthew?" she asks. I nod. "Well, come on in." I walk in, and then follow her to a room. "Sit down anywhere, make yourself comfortable." I go and sit on the small sofa. 'Have you had lunch yet?" she asks, sitting across from me.

"I'm not hungry." I softly tell her.

"Come on, you have to eat something." she insists.

"Why does everyone say that?" I mumble.

'Honey, you have to eat something."

I shake my head in response, and look down. She leans over and lifts my chin so I'll look at her.

"Please? It won't hurt to."

"It won't help either."

"I'll get you whatever you want."

"No you won't."

"Yes I will. Just tell me what you want.'

"You really want to know?" She nods. "I want my marijuana and my blade back."

"I can't get you that."

I sigh and look away. "I told you so. Can I leave now?"

"We haven't even started yet Matthew."

"Merde, Je veux juste remtner à la maison. (dammit, I just want to go home.)" I complain in French.

She gently pats my shoulder. "It'll be all right Matthew. You'll feel at home soon enough. Croyez-moi. (trust me)"

"Y-you-you speak French?"

"Yes. I'm the only one though."

She's the only one that speaks French here. I have to be dreaming. It's already starting to feel a little bit like home.

"Are you Ok?" she asks after a minute.

I nod. "Ouais, je suis très bien. (yeah, I'm fine)"

She smiles again. "Are you going to eat something now?"

I shake my head. "Sorry,"

She sighs. "I'm just worried about you."

"You can't be; you don't even know me."

"I know you have some problems and that you need to helped."

"I don't have problems and I don't need to be helped."

"Matthew, yes you do."

"I don't."

"Matthew." she sternly tells me.

"I don't need help."

"Please let me help you."

"I'm leaving." I stand up and go to the door, but she stops me.

"Come and see me again later today, ok? And please don't just blow me off."

"I won't. I'll come." I head out and make my way to my next class.

~/~/~

As I'm walking to class, I hear people whispering, and it starts to make me feel self-conscious. I start to wonder what they're whispering about.

'_Maybe it's about you._' I hear someone say.

"Eh?" I glance around, but no one talks to me or indicates they had been talking to me. So I continue walking.

'_Now you've done it . _' I recognize the voice now. It's in my head, but he usually comes while I smoke.

'_What do you want?_' I ask him in my head.

'_Oh, just to tell you that they could be talking about you.'_

_ 'Why would they do that? I'm invisible.'_

_ 'Maybe they're shunning you.'_

_ 'Why?'_

_ 'Maybe they don't like gays like at school. Maybe they all hate you. Maybe _I _hate you.'_

_ 'Then why are you talking to me?' _ I ask, some tears starting to brim my eyes.

_' I like to torment you.' _ I stay quiet in my head as I get to class. I try not to let the tears fall, or at least let people see.

Class starts off as every other one did. The teacher doesn't notice me until I say something to them. I'm introduced poorly to the class, but nobody notices me, or really cares. So, I go sit in the back of the class, and then nobody notices or remembers me. This class is somewhat different though.

"Matthew? Hey, you're in this class too." I look over and see that Gil's in this class. And he remembered me. "That's awes- hey, are you ok?" His smile turns to a worried expression.

"Eh?" I ask, wondering why he suddenly changed the topic.

"You have tears in your eyes. Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah. I-I'm fine." I wipe the tears from my eyes with my sleeve.

"You sure?"

I nod. "I'm sure."

"You don't have to lie to me." he softly says. "What's the matter?"

I look at him a little confused. Why would he want to know what's wrong?

' _So he can tell everyone and/or get a good laugh._' that voice says again.

"N-nothing's the matter." I quietly tell him, sinking into my chair.

"C'mon, something's wrong. What is it? You can trust me."

I feel like he's telling the truth, and like I really can trust him, but I don't want to tell him. At least not here. "C-come by room l-later. I-I'll tell you there."

He looks worriedly at me and gently rubs my arm. "Ok." I flinch back a little when he rubs my arm, and he pulls his hand away, muttering "sorry."

"I-it's fine." I tell him before focusing on the last lesson of the day. When it's over, Gil comes up to me before I leave.

"Hey, I was gonna hang out with Antonio, but I'll come by your room after, I promise."

"OK." I'm a little bummed, and I hope he won't forget, but I hide my uncertainty. He smiles and heads off in the opposite direction I go.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/A: i am so friggin' sorry i forgot to update friday. i was having a bad day, and then my computer was acting up and i couldnt access FF, and i was all freaking out and during that stressedness i totally forgot, but i have someone who'll remind me to update if she agrees to it, and i think she will. i swear, i'll try my best to never let that happen again. so here's finally chapter ten:_

* * *

A few minutes later, I close the door to my room and put my books down on my desk. I turn the TV on and listen to the history channel as I start working on my homework. That lasts for around a half hour or so before the voice comes back.

'_He's not coming, you know that, right?'_ he says.

'_Eh? Of course he'll come.'_

_ 'What makes you so sure? Because you think he would?'_

_ 'Well-'_

_ 'Are you gonna believe him, just because he caught you attention?'_

_ 'Wha- n-no, h-he-'_

_ 'Pfft. Come on. I know you're getting a crush on him.'_

I blush. '_No, I'm-'_

_ 'You can't hide it from me. Besides, with his looks, he probably has someone way better than you. I mean, why would he even consider liking someone like you?'_

_ 'What do you mean 'someone like me'?'_

_ 'Weak, small, worthless, a joke, a victim, a loser, a queer, puny, unwanted, it's not like anyone would ever love you…would you like me to continue?'_

_ 'No, I get it.' _ I tell him, tears in my eyes. _' Nobody wants someone like me in their lives.' _

_ 'Aw, did I make you cry?' _he asks, mockingly. _'Can't take a couple names?'_

_ 'Sh-shut up.'_

_ 'Why? You would like that. I'm here to make you miserable; just like you deserve to be'_

_ 'I don't.'_

_ 'Hmm. What would your mother think of you now?'_

I stiffen a bit when he mentions my mom. '_Please stop talking.'_

_ 'What would she think of her precious little boy cutting himself and letting his flow everywhere? Of him smoking marijuana after promising her he would never, ever smoke?'_

"Please stop." I quietly whimper, unaware that I start to speak aloud.

'_And she would probably hate the fact that you're gay'_

I shake my head. "She didn't mind that Al is."

'_She thought it was only a phase. She would hate you- no. She would _despise_ you so much. You would be nothing to her, worth almost as much as dirt'_

"Shut up!" I cry into my desk.

'_Tsk, tsk. Isn't someone sensitive?'_

**Prussia POV**

"What are you thinking about Gil?" Antonio asks as I drink a beer he got.

"Mm? Oh, uh, nothing." I tell him, looking away.

"Is it that blonde kid? Um…"

"Matthew. His name is Matthew."

"So you are."

"Am not!"

"From how you were talking about him, it sounds like you like him."

"I don't!"

"But you're worried for him."

I nod. And when Antonio starts to snicker a little, I quickly add, "Well, who wouldn't be? The poor small kid is terrified. Someone has to make sure he's safe and fine."

"Why don't you go make sure he is?"

"What?"

"Go make sure he's alright. Besides, you said you told him that you would go see him."

"Alright."

Antonio smiles as I get up and go to Matthew's room. It takes a little minute to get there, and when I do get there, I start to knock, but stop, hearing Matthew.

"N-no. Th-that's not- ow. Kuma. …She wouldn't. Please be quiet." It sounds like he's crying. I open his door, since it's unlocked, and I see him at his desk, holding his head. His one hand is bleeding, and I'm assuming his polar bear bit him, since he has blood on his mouth. And sure enough, Matthew is crying.

"P-please stop ta- Of course she w-."

I go over to him and gently place my hand on his shoulder. He jumps and turns around to face me, shaking a bit. "Matt? Are you-?"

"Make him stop. _Please_." He begs me, grabbing onto me and sobbing into my chest. I'm a little taken a back at first, but then I hold him close and gently stroke his hair.

"Shh. It'll be ok. Who needs to be stopped?"

"He keeps calling m-me names, a-and he won't—I'm not!"

"Not what?" He doesn't respond. I think he may be hearing a voice in his head or something. "It'll be ok Matt, just ignore him."

"I can't." he whimpers.

"Everything's gonna be OK. You're gonna be fine."

He shakes his head and quietly sobs, "He wants me dead because I'm not good enough. H-he's gonna kill me. He says I'm a waste of space."

"You're not a waste of space. I don't know why anyone would say that to you."

"He's gonna kill me. He said he would. He's gonna do it tonight." He's shaking like a leaf.

"He won't get you. I'll stay here and protect you, ok? You won't get hurt; not while I'm here." I rub his back and gently rock him back and forth and softly and very quietly sing a German lullaby I used to sing to mein bruder when we were really young. I'm surprised I even remember the words.

Matthew slowly calms down, but keeps clinging to me. I continue with what I'm doing, and it's all quiet for a while, save my quiet singing and the murmur of the t.v.

"Gil?" he quietly asks.

"Ja, Matt?"

"Th-thanks." He wants to get away from my embrace, and I reluctantly let him go. "I-I think he'll leave me alone f-for a while. Thank you."

"It was no problem Matt." I smile at him softly and wipe some tears from his eyes. He flinches away from me. He reminds me a little, frightened birdie.

"Look," I start softly and quietly speaking, "I know you were treated like shit at your old school, and that was so unawesome. And," I glance at his bandaged arms, and feel something in my chest. "And I know that's been pretty hard on you. But, you're here now. And I swear I won't let anything hurt you at all when you're here. You'll be safe. Ok?"

"S-safe?" he cautiously asks.

I nod. "safe." I slowly reach over and go to gently take his hand, he pulls away a first contact, but then he slowly and cautiously puts his hand in mine, letting me hold it. I hold it securely, but gently.

"I-I just don't w-want to get hurt anymore." He quietly and tearily says.

"I know you don't. I'm gonna protect you." I gently rub circle in the back of his hand. He tense a little, but soon relaxes. "You'll be ok." I cautiously, and very gently wipe away his tears with my other hand. He backs away a little, but then lets me.

"Someone as cute as you shouldn't cry." I mutter as I wipe the last of his tears away. He blushes.

"Eh? C-cute?"

"mhm. Cute." He looks down at the bed, trying to hide his blush. Then it fades, and a saddened, hurt look appears.

"Don't say things like that unless you really mean them." He quietly says, a few tears brimming his eyes again.

"I wouldn't say that unless I really meant it." I assure him, gently lifting his chin up. I wipe away his tears again . "No one could ever say that to you and lie about it." I gently stroke his cheek, and I softly smile when he doesn't flinch away. He does tense a little though.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." I quietly tell him. "But I'm glad I came when I did. It didn't look like things were going so well for you."

He looks down again and quietly says, "I'm sorry. Th-that doesn't normally happen unless I smoke a lot. He's usually not so mean though."

"Have you thought that maybe if you stopped smoking he wouldn't bother you?"

"He this mean because I couldn't smoke anymore."

"When's the last time you _did_ smoke?"

He thinks for a minute, then shrugs. "Four days from when I woke up. Maybe five."

"From when you woke up?" He nods. "What do you mean by that?"

He looks down at the bed and picks at the sheets. "Apparently I kinda died legally, sorta." He mumbleds. I stare at him in disbelieve. This kid…died?

"How?" I softly ask, not wanting to believe it.

"Uh…I kinda tore up arms and…I sorta used too much marijuana when I smoked, maybe." He mutters, picking at the sheets. It's either because he seems so sad and he's so cute, or my brotherly instincts, but I grab him in a hug and hold him close again. He tenses up some, but after a minute he must realize I don't want to hurt him. He relaxes a little bit and leans into me. I gently rub his back.

"You're gonna be ok. You're gonna be fine. You won't be hurt again." I continue muttering promises like that and rubbing his back until I feel him go limp. I start to freak out a little, but then I see he only fell asleep. I smile a little and continue to hold him and rub his back. I start to get tired after a while, so I lean against the wall, still holding him and drift off with him in my arms.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: (skip if you dont wanna read the apology) sorry for it not being on friday...again. i got a beta, finished the chapter friday, emailed it to her, but the connection between our emails doesnt exist. i didn't know until saturday. that was when my computer decided to act up, so i stopped using it. i thought it may work later and it did, so i tried to use the docx thing, which didn't work out for me, so i just gave up and pmed her. then she couldn't edit it until today and just got it back to me. sorry for the delay, and i will try to get other chapters by every friday, but it looks like i can't really promise anything this time. so sorry for the inconvenice, i really am. so here's chapter eleven:_

* * *

**Mattie's POV**

The next morning, I slowly wake up in someone's arms. I look up and see that I'm in Gil's arms. I freak out a little bit. He wakes up when I do.

"Hey, are you ok?"

I slowly calm down after a minute and nod. "I-I'm fine." I softly say.

"Sure?" I nod again. He smiles a little. "As long as you're sure. You had me pretty freaked out last night. Maybe you should stay here and not go to school today. I'll stay with you."

I shrug a little, not really sure. "I-I don't think I should miss school…"

"It's fine, really. They understand if people can't make it to class."

"…Really?"

He nods. "I promise, liebe." There's a soft blush that comes over him at the last word.

"Ok. C-could you let go of me? Please?" I softly ask.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." He lets go of me and I get off his lap, sitting by the pillows on my bed. "Do you always mumble like that in your sleep?" he asks with a smile.

"Eh?"

He nods. "It was cute. You were mumbling something about… maple syrup, was it?" he shrugs. "Anyway, did you sleep well?"

I blushed softly when he said it was cute, and then I nod. "Yeah, I slept well."

He smiles. "Gut."

I hold Kuma in my lap, gently petting him. He doesn't wake up, but that's fine.

"A little polar bear, huh?" Gil asks.

I nod a little. "Y-yeah."

"I have a little bird."

"You do?"

He nods. "Ja."

After a few minutes of silence, save the TV, Gil decides to break it.

"Mattie?" I look up at him. "What do you like to do? What makes you happy?"

I look down for a minute, thinking. I can only think of smoking and cutting at first. That's probably not what he wants to hear… but there's a chance he may get it for me, right? So I softly tell him, "Smoking." He gently lifts my chine so I'll look at him.

"Besides that."

"….Reading… taking walks." I didn't do much of those things anymore, but they were the things I liked to do before.

"Hm." He lets go of my chin and starts to think. After a minute, he smiles. "I got it!"

"Eh? Got what?"

"What we'll do today!"

"Ok…" I'm not sure why he seems so excited, but I could really care less.

"Go take a shower, change into something comfortable, don't cut yourself, I'll be back in twenty minutes." He tells me with a confident smile before leaving.

I sigh a little before getting up and going to take a shower. I take off the bandages from my arms, frowning a little at the stiches and the cuts that haven't completely scarred over yet. I take a shower and manage to refrain from cutting myself. However, I do scratch at the newer wounds, making them bleed. I watch as my blood mixes with the water and go down the drain.

After I finish the shower, I get my gray jeans on and just a plain black tee shirt. I get some new bandages and rbandage my arms again. I go back into the room and pull on my old, red hoodie. I sit back on my bed and hold Kuma, waiting for Gil to come back.

Gil does come back after a few minutes or so, not bothering to even knock, just walking in. He comes over to the bed.

"Hey, did ya cut yourself?"

I shake my head. "N-no."

He looks at me skeptically for a moment before shrugging it off and sitting next to me. "You shouldn't hurt yourself."

"I know…."

He smiles a little sadly and holds out his hand for me to take. I slowly take his hand, holding it gently. He stands up and carefully pulls me up. "C'mon." He leads me out of my room and out of the building. We walk for a while and we start going towards the edge of the property.

"A-are you sure aboot this?" I quietly ask when he doesn't make any indication that's going to stop.

"Don't worry Matt; I come here all the time." He continues leading me to wherever it is he's going. We go through a forest, walking for a while. After a few minutes, I can hear a bird chirping and coming closer. Then there's a little yellow bird that comes up to Gil.

"Hey, Gilbird." Gil greets him. The littler bird chirps some more and settles himself on Gil's head. I look a little confused at the situation, and Gil sees, just chuckling a little.

"Kesesese. This is just my bird I was telling you about."

"Oh." I softly say. He smiles and continues leading me through the forest.

A few more minutes later, the trees break out to a little clearing. It looks like someone's been here. There's a few stumps arranged in a small circle and a little sturdy tent. There's also a little fire pit the stumps are around. The clearing itself is closed off by trees, making the whole place secluded.

"What do you think?" Gil asks proudly.

"You set this up?" I quietly ask.

"Of course."

"It's great."

He smiles. "I would've gone with awesome, but I'm glad you like it anyway. Ya wanna go inside?" he asks.

"I guess." I softly say.

"Great!" Taking my hand, he pulls me over to the tent and brings me inside it.

There were some blankets and a pillow, a little, small TV and an old game system. There were a few games, a DS on top of the TV. Then there were a bunch of chip bags, candy wrappers and empty beer bottles scattered around.

"How often do you stay here?" I softly ask.

He shrugs. "Depends on my mood. And sometimes I just need to get a break, ya know?"

I nod a little. "Yeah."

"So, ever play the original Mario game?"

"No."

"Wanna?" he asks with a grin, offering me a controller.

"Uh, sure." I softly say, taking the controller and taking a seat next to him on the blankets. He turns the TV on and sets the game up. He explains the simple controls to me and we start. I'm not that good at it, but that doesn't really matter. Gil helps me a little as we play, and I eventually get about halfway through, at least according to Gil who says he played and finished it at least ten times.

I'm not sure how long we stay there, eating some candy Gil brought with him or some chips that were already there as we got hungry. I feel so relaxed, just hanging out with him that I don't realize when he come closer to me or wraps his arm around me. I only notice how close he is when he says something.

"Do you wanna go back now, or would you like to spend the night here?"

I jump a little when I see how close he is, moving away from him a little. Then what he said processes. "Night?" I poke my head out the tent and see that the sun is low in the sky. "E-eh? Wh-when did this happen?"

"When did what happen?" Gil asks, next to me. I slightly wonder how he manages to do that.

"How long have we been in here?"

"….All day by the looks of it. But does it matter?"

"I just thought we would have noticed the day going by."

"It's easy to not know when you're playing video games." He says with a shrug, then asks again, "So ya wanna stay here the night or would ya rather go back?"

I glance down at my arms, and make sure I can't hear anything in my head besides my own thoughts. It seems fine, so I nod a little. "I suppose. As long as we won't get in trouble."

"We won't get in trouble…or at least, not much."

"Gil." I worriedly say.

"Kesesese! Don't worry, don't worry." He goes out of the tent and stands up, stretching. He walks over to the fire pit and looks around a little. "Should go get some branches…" he mutters. He turns back to me. "Hey, I'll be back, I'm just gonna get some sticks and branches for a fire, k?"

I nod. "Alright." And then he goes off in the forest. While he's gone, I start to get the urge to cut again…


	12. Chapter 12

**Gil POV**

I walk through the forest, looking for some sticks that had fallen. Gilbird helps, flying off and grabbing some twigs and stuff, bringing them to me. He comes up to me one time, tweeting. So, I can't truly understand him, but it's nice to think he's talking with me. "I don't know why I was getting so close to him." A little more walking happens before he tweets again. "He just…" I sigh. "I just wanted to. I don't know why." He tweets again and flies off. I go chasing after him. "Hey, come back here, Gilbird! We were talking!"

I keep chasing him for a while until we I start to hear running water. I smiled as I come to the edge of a lake with a waterfall falling into it. Gilbird chirps around my head before landing on it. Sometimes he's smarter than I give him credit for. "Yeah, it would be nice to take him here. But…not now. Not until I know if he likes me or not." Gilbird chirps again. "You know what I mean! I'm the only one who knows about this place. The only person I'll bring here is someone I know is special." He chirps again, a little aggressively. "He has to feel the same way about me first! ….Yeah, it may make him feel better." I shrug a little. "If he wants to." Gilbird happily chirps and flies around my head. "Well, let's go get that stuff for the fire. It won't get started another way."

It takes a few minutes before I finally get enough sticks and branches, and twigs, and I start heading back to my little camp out. I dump the wood in the fire pit, then go to get my lighter that I left in the tent. Maybe Matt could help light the fire if he wanted. At least, that was what I figured before I went into the tent to see him cutting with a sharp rock.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He jumps and looks over at me a little scared looking. I get behind him, since his back was facing the entrance, and grab his arms, holding them close to him. He winces when I grab his arms. I make him drop the rock and hold him close in my lap. He tries to escape a little, but I don't let him. "Why?" I softly whisper.

"…It's not like you didn't know." He quietly says.

"Knowing is one thing. Seeing is another. I don't want to see you doing this. I don't want to_ know_ you're doing this."

"Then just forget."

"It's not like that. You can't just forget this. You need to stop this."

"No I don't. I don't need to stop anything."

"Yes, you do. You can't keep doing this or you'll eventually die from it."

"We all die eventually."

"You'll die sooner than you should."

"….Maybe….Maybe I want to."

I turn him around to face me and look him in the eyes. Into his eyes that just look pained, tired, and worm out, barely any light left. They held so much pain for I don't know how long. But I do know one thing: I don't want to see the pain in those blue-violet eyes anymore. I know I haven't known him long, but I need to see happiness, light, carefreeness, and live eyes. I don't want to see him, or anyone else for that matter, hurt himself. And I'm not going to let him die.

"You can get through this. I know you can. I'll help yo-"

"I don't need any help." He quietly mutters.

"Don't… don't need… What the hell are you talking about? Of course you need help. You cut yourself. You smoke. You want to die. You hear a voice. You're hurt. You're sad. You need help."

He shakes his head again. "I don't need help. I don't have a problem. There's a reason for all of those things, and a reason for those. And that second reason will never go away. So it can't be helped. And since it can't be helped, I don't have a problem."

I stare at him. Was this really his way of thinking? Just because he thinks something can't be helped he thinks that he doesn't have a problem so he doesn't need help. That… just doesn't make sense. At all. "Wh-what?"

"To put simply, I just don't have a problem." he softly clarifies.

"You have a problem." I tell him. "Can't you just admit it?"

He shakes his head. "I don't have a problem, so I don't have to admit it."

"But the sooner you admit it, the sooner you can get help."

"I don't need help."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't"

"Yes you do."

"I don't."

I make myself taller than him, getting on my knees. "I'm not going to sit here and argue with you."

"Then don't."

I glare a little. Why can't he just accept he has a problem and get some help already? I sigh. "Mattie." I softly start. "I know you've had a rough time, we all have, but this is not the way to handle it. This… this just makes things worse. I don't want to see you hurt anymore." I gently hold his arms as he looks down at the ground. "If…if you let someone…if you can let _me_ help you…I swear you won't regret it. I'm sure people, countless or at least a few have already said this, but I'll help you. I'll help you handle this."

"It doesn't matter. You can't-"

"I promise, I swear on my awesomeness that I'll help you. That this will work out. That you'll be ok. I don't want anything hurting you, not even yourself, ever again. I swear I'll protect you and make sure there's at least one person in this world that cares about you. That cares about you so much; he would risk his life for you. Just so you can keep living a good, long life. Who would anything, anything at all, to make sure you're happy. I swear you won't regret it if you let me help you. You'll be able to be one of those happy people who go on with life. You won't have to feel any more pain at all. You'll be safe and sound." As I talk to him, making promises, I find myself feeling even more strongly about my position…and I know I'm the person I'm talking about that would do those things for him. I watch as he thinks it over, shyly looking down at his arms, held gingerly in my hands.

And as he thinks it over, I look at him. I see how sad he looks, the look nearly permanent. I want to- no, I need to change that. After a few minutes, he quietly and softly asks, "y-you'll really help me?"

I smile softly. Indirectly, he admitted he has a problem. I nod. "Of course I'll help you. I swore I will." He starts shaking a little before grabbing me in a hug as he silently cries against my chest, softly sobbing out thank you's. I gently wrap my arms around him as if he was the most fragile piece of glass and gently rub his back. "You're welcome. It's no problem to help you." He holds onto to me as if I'm the only thing that's keeping him here. I tighten my hold on him a little to a protective one, gently resting my chin on the top of his head. "You're gonna be ok, Mattie. I'm gonna help you." We stay like that for a few more minutes before his crying comes to a stop. He stays leaning against me and his grip doesn't loosen.

"Thank you." he softly says again.

"You're welcome." I tell him, gently stroking his hair. He gently looks up at me. I smile down at him. "You're so cute…" He blushes, and hides against my chest again. I softly chuckle a little and gently ruffle his hair. "I was gonna get a fire started. Wanna help?"

"S-sure." he softly says. I smile softly, grab my lighter, and come out of the tent with him. We go over to the fire pit and arrange the wood. Mattie seems to know a good way to lay them out, and when we finish that, I flick the lighter open and set the flame to the wood, setting it ablaze. I close the lighter and put it in my pocket where it should have been in the first place.

I look over at Mattie, who went to sit on one of the stumps and was staring at the fire. I wonder what he's thinking as I sit next to him, gently putting my arm around his shoulders. "You'll be alright." I tell him again, just to let him know that. He nods, but he stills seems sad. "I'm gonna get you to smile. For real." He just nods again. I want to give him a little kiss on the cheek, but I think that may freak him out a little. Maybe next week I can.

We stay out there for a while in silence, being warmer by the fire as the moon climbs higher and the night grows darker. "Hey Mattie, are you-?" I start to ask if he's getting tired, but when I look over at him, I see he's already fallen asleep, sitting there. I smile softly. "I guess that's a yes." I gently pick him up and bring him into the tent again. I lay him down on a few thick blankets piled on the ground that serve as a mattress, then I put a blanket or two over him. I stay awake, watching over him and gently rubbing his back until I manage to fall asleep with him an hour or so later.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: sorry if you think it's kinda short and sorry for it being really late. i wont be posting any more chapters until we go and get my stupid laptop fixed. so, sorry for that to. but i swear, i'll keep writing this. it'll just take a while. sorry for all the inconviences of technically difficulty feilled life_

* * *

The next morning I wake up to find Mattie still asleep in my arms. I'm a little confused, thinking he would have woken up earlier, but I don't mind as I hold him to me. I gently stroke his arms, wishing he would stop, but I know I can get him to stop. At least I hope I can. He needs to get better. I watch him as he peacefully sleeps. While he sleeps, I gently kiss his forehead, knowing he won't mind if he's asleep. He gently smiles a little and I smile at it.

After a few minutes, Mattie slowly wakes up with a little yawn. I smile at him.

"Guten Morgen, Mattie." I softly say.

He blinks a little and looks up at me. "M-morning." He softly says.

"I wish we could stay here longer, but we have to go back today." He nods, still half asleep. "Come on." I bring him out of the tent and lead him back to the campus.

**Mattie POV**

"I'm gonna take a shower. You get ready while I do, ok?" Gil asks when we get to my room. I gently nod a little. He smiles. "Alright." He looks at me for a moment with gentle eyes, that look a little sad, and then goes off to take his shower.

I get dressed and fix my hair a little. I frown at my reflection in the mirror, having never really liked how I look. I sigh softly as I look away and notice my plastic knife from a few days ago. I warily look at the bathroom door. I can still hear the shower running, but I'm not sure how long I'll have.

'_You know you want to._' I hear the voice say again. I gulp a little.

'_I-I thought you left._'

'_Well you thought wrong then, didn't you? I will _always _be here to torture you._'

'_C-can't you just leave me alone?_'

'_But that wouldn't be any fun._'

Then a thought comes to me. If I cut enough, then maybe he'll go away for good. And it will also stop my need for it at the moment. I can still hear the water running so I grab the plastic knife and pull up my sleeve, hastily unwrapping some of the bandages and cutting my arm again, putting pressure on the knife so it will draw blood. I didn't notice the shower stop, since the voice was just yelling at me to cut deeper and draw more blood. I didn't even notice Gil had come out until he was right in front of me, ripping the knife out of my hand and yelling something. I don't understand anything he's saying and I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes.

A gentle hand is placed on my shoulder and another is under my chin, gently lifting my head up to look at Gil. I look into his red eyes as he looks into my eyes.

"Don't be scared." he softly says. I don't know why he said it until I realize I'm shaking a little. "Calm down." It took a minute for him to be satisfied with me being calm.

"There." He takes my hand and brings me to the bathroom, holding my arm gently and taking some bandages out. "You need to stop this." He tells me softly as he bandages the wound.

I just look down, sadly. "No, I don't."

He looks at me when he finishes bandaging the new cut. "Yes you do. Please. You can't…you can't die again."

"Why?"

"Because you would be missed. And you have a good, full life ahead of you. And this isn't how you should die."

"Then how _should_ I die?" He's telling me I should die. That's great. I knew I wasn't liked.

"You should die when you're old and have grandchildren- no, when you have _great_-grandchildren and a big family of your own. You go to sleep one night, smiling, because you go to sleep next to the person you love the most. You'll die peacefully, _peacefully_ in your sleep with your life fulfilled. And everyone will miss you, OK?"

I just shake my head. He sighs softly.

"If anyone messes with you in any of your classes, you tell me. I'll set them straight or get you transferred to another class. I will make sure you feel comfortable, make sure you're happy, and when you are happy, I will make sure you stay happy."

"I'm happy when I cut and when I smoke."

"I'll find a way to make you happy without doing that. I swear on my awesomeness that I will."

I look at him doubtfully, but he just smiles softly. "Don't worry. Everything will be OK. Everything will be perfect in time. Now, let's get to class, alright?"

I nod a little and he gently takes my hand. He picks up my books and doesn't bother to stop and grab his as he led me to class again.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine." He gently brushed some hair behind my ear. "You'll be OK. If anyone bothers you, just get up and come get me. I'll be right down the hall in chemistry." And then he gives me a gentle hug before getting me in class. Before he goes, he talks to the teacher and they look over at me as they talk, making me feel a little self-conscious. Gil waves to me and I wave back a little before he leaves.


	14. Chapter 14

The class goes by as it did before, with no one noticing me. I don't really care though, as I distractedly draw a little in the margin of my paper. No one notices it, and I wonder how long class will drag on.

After what seems like forever, the bell rings and I gather up my things. I notice the teacher giving me a worried look as I leave. I try to ignore it, but it's kind of hard to.

"Hey, there you are!"

I look around and see Gil come up to me with a smile.

"How was class?" he gently asks me. I shrug a little.

"OK, I guess..."

He gently puts an arm over my shoulders. "Don't sound like it was."

"It was normal, so it was fine."

"Normal for you or a normal person?"

I shrug a little.

"You then. Alright then." He holds me close in a protective way. "Alright."

He walks me to my next class, making sure to keep me close and safe from people.

"here we are." he tells me as we get to the next classroom. "same thing as before, but I'll be right across the hall this time." I nod a little and he brings me in the class, talking to the teacher again. I have to remember to ask him about that later. He waves a little when he's done and leaves. I softly sigh a little as I take my seat and get ready for the lesson.

Unfortunately, this period goes by just like the last one did. and afterwards, Gil takes me to my next class and talks to my teacher again. that continues until lunch.

"And how was this class?" Gil asks as he wraps his arm around me again and starts bringing me to lunch.

"Same as the other ones." I softly tell him.

He sighs softly. "Well, do you know if you have to go meet with that lady again?"

I shrug a little.

"well, we should go see her."

"w-/we/?"

"yeah, we."

"b-but-"

"Hey, don't worry about it."

I don't have much of a choice as he brings me to the building from two days ago. "Now...which door?"

I pause a minute before pointing shyly to the door. Gil nods and walks up to the door, pulling me along. He knocks on the door. The same girl opens the door, but with her hair down this time.

"Gil? What are you doing here?"

He pushes me in front of him. "Mattie."

"Matthew. Why didn't you come back?"

Before I can answer, Gil does for me. "He was in no condition to go anywhere two days ago. And yesterday, I, uh, kinda took him somewhere."

"you did?" she sighs and shakes her head. "you know you have to leave, though, right Gil?"

He holds me close in that protective way again and I can tell he's glaring at her.

"no way am I leaving him, Macy."

So she must be Macy. She looks at him. "so, you won't leave at all then, will you?"

"No."

"is it fine if he comes with you?" Macy asks me. I silently nod a little. "alright, come on then." She leads us both into the same room as before, and Gil makes himself comfortable on the sofa, bringing me with him.

GIL POV

I hold Mattie close as I sit on one of Macy's sofas. I had seen her a while ago a lot, but this time she wasn't going to scold me for drinking. So that's good.

She sat down across from us.

"have you two had any lunch yet?"

"nope." I tell her.

"What would you like?"

I shrug. "whatever. It doesn't matter."

"Matthew?"

"I'm not hungry." he quietly says. She only sighs a little and gets up.

"I'll be right back with something." and she leaves.

I look over at Mattie. "what do you mean you're not hungry? You haven't eaten in a while. You /have/ to be hungry." Mattie only shakes his head and I frown.

"why are you doing this? This isn't good for you."

"it doesn't matter if it is." he mumbles.

"Yes it does. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Mentally. Physically. Or emotionally."

"Well, you're too late for that."

"to late to prevent it happening the first time. Not too late to fix it and prevent it from happening again."

He remains silent, staring at the ground. I hold him close again.

"everything's gonna be ok. Can't you just accept that?"

He slowly shakes his head.

"and why not?"

Before he can answer, Macy comes back with some sandwiches.

"I brought a few for you too, Matthew."

Mattie just nods a little.

"Thanks, Macy." I grab a sandwich and happily eat it, then grab another. I take Mattie's hand with my arm that's still around him and put the sandwich in his hand.

He looks up at me and quietly protests. "Gil.."

"No, you have to eat something."

He just shakes his head again. Macy softly sighs.

"Gil, let it go."

"But-"

"Gil." she sternly says.

I sigh and grumble a little. "Fine. Starve if you want."

He gently sets the sandwich back on the plate and looks back down at the sofa.

"Matthew, are you going to actually talk with him here like this?"

"of course he will!" I automatically say.

"Gil, I wasn't asking you."

"But I'm too awesome for him not to."

"Gil, leave."

"But-"

"Leave. I need to talk to Matthew alone. But, please stay in another room. I need to talk with you afterwards."

"...Fine." I let go of Mattie and get up, taking another sandwich with me as I leave.

It takes forever, but when she's finally finished, only she comes out.

"where's Mattie?"

"he's still in there."

"why?"

"because I need to talk to you."

"can't you talk to me with him?"

"it's about him."

"so why can't we talk with him?"

"...Gil, I don't think you're the best person for him to be hanging around with."

I'm a little taken aback. "what? Of course I am!"

"no, look, I don't think you understand this."

"I understand he wants to die and I want to help him be ok."

"I know you want to help, but you're not. I know you're not meaning to, but I think you're making it worse. He barely talked, wouldn't eat. Not that he did before, but just nothing. Please, just stop hanging around him."

I look at her, slightly dazed. I'm making Mattie's life worse? But I was helping him. I was gonna get him to be happy. Happy, dammit! And now she's telling me I can't even do that?

"no." I tell her. "I can't do that."

"you want him to get better though, right?" I nod. "and you would do anything to make him better, right?"

"of course I would!"

"then, I think it would be in his best interest if you stayed away from him, ok?"

"but...why?"

"because he will only get worse if you're around him."

I'm silent for a minute, looking down. "so...if I stay away from him...he'll be better?"

She nods. "yes. He will."

"Dammit...dammit...VERDAMNEN!" (...dammit. but I most likely spelt it wrong since I've only heard it ^^;; ))

I try to wrap this around my head, then ask, "what does he want? Does he want me to leave him alone?"

"when I brought it up all he did was shrug."

"shrug. Shrug. All he did was shrug. H-he doesn't know."

"do you want to talk to him first for a few mo-"

Before she even finishes I rushed into the room and locked the door so she couldn't separate me from him. I turn to look at him, slouching as he sits, elbows on his knees as he looks down at his hands, his hair falling over his face, looking so sad.

I slowly go up to him, staying in front of him.

"Mattie?" I softly ask.

He slowly looks up at me.

"d-do you want me to stay with you? Because if you don't want me around anymore, then I'll leave you alone, I promise."

He only stays silent.

"please tell me."

"I...I don't know..."

"you...you don't..." I glare at him, and then my words come out bitter. "fine. I won't be around you anymore. All I wanted to do was help." and then I storm off, ignoring whatever Macy was trying to tell me.

I start walking to the tree I usually hand out by and pull out my phone calling Toni. Once he picks up, I only say three words. "Bring it all." I hang up an put my phone back in my pocket. When I get to the tree I sigh and slide down the trunk and sit on the ground.

"all I wanted to do was help him and now I can't..."


	15. Chapter 15

Mattie's POV

I look up at the door when he closes it. He...just left. And now I'm all alone again. I thought he said he would help me. I thought he /just/ told me he didn't want me to be in pain anymore.  
'/I suppose you were right. He really doesn't care.../' I softly tell the voice. '/As much as I hate it, you're the only one I have./'  
'/Yeah, I know. But...it's not like I'll be comforting and making you feel better. Don't get your hopes up./'  
'/But...You won't stop me./'  
'/I'd rather you die, really./'  
'/So do I./'  
I softly and sadly smile to myself as Macy comes back in. She smiles, oblivious to my disappear.  
"I knew you'd be better without him." I nod a little, beyond not caring. "You want some food now?"  
"...I'll get something." it was such a lie, but it wasn't one to be seen through much.  
She nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow then."  
"Yeah. Tomorrow." I slowly get up and go to the door, leaving. I go right back to my room. I open the door and lock it, sitting on my bed.  
I can't think. Everything's numb. I can't feel anything, not even the pain or sadness anymore. Just... nothing. And everything else feels irrelevant.

Gil's POV

"An' he jussh di'n care!" I tell Toni, another beer in my hand. "He reelly dun' like mehh! I juush vun him to geet bett'r." I chug the rest of the bottle and grab another one.  
"Don't worry, amigo." Toni pats my shoulder and I look curiously at his hand, like 'Why the hell are you here, hand?' "He was probably just having a bad day. He didn't mean anything, I'm sure of that."  
"Neeeiiiinnn. He'sh not OK." I grab his shirt, half holding onto him for balance as I stand up.  
"He'll be alright." he pats my back a little. "He came here to get help, and he /will/ get help."  
"Nooo. -hic- He dun wauuunt nu help!"  
He pats my head a little. "They'll get him help. Everyone gets help here. Don't you worry."  
"B-but -hic- he has a-a voice...In ihnen kopft. (his head)" I whisper, tapping my head. "Tells himf -hic- bad, schlect(bad) things."  
"Everything will be alright. Don't you worry."  
I shake my head and pull him down with me as I fall to the ground and whine. "Neeeeiiiiinnnn. Nein, nein, nein. It -hic- won't be."  
"Don't be so negative." he scolds. "Everything will be fine."  
I frown at him. "Du weißt niiicht. (You don't know.)" I complain.  
He sighs. "You have to have /hope/."  
"He doesn't..."  
"So? You just have to have hope for him."  
I think for a moment, reaching for another beer as I finish the other only to find nothing. I frown slightly. So I drank it all.  
"Yeah...Aber (but).../I/ wanna pro- -hic- protesht 'im."  
"And why can't you?"  
"I...Ich weiße nicht (I don't know), I can't remember." I stare off and feel myself break into a smile. "I'll do -hic- /anything/ to makesh him beffer."  
Toni pats my back. "I know, Gil. Lo sé.(i know)"  
-page break-  
The rest of the day goes by without any sign of Mattie. For the time being, I just figure my awesomeness is too much for him to take anymore and he needs a break from it.  
I get to my room around 10:30. I'm glad my roomie isn't there. He would have yelled at me for a while. Unfortunately, he will in the morning and give me a worse headache then what I'll already have.  
Exhausted, I just go straight to my bed and fall onto it, asleep before I even reach it, relieved to be asleep. But my sleep is far from calm...  
**insert going into dream music**  
I find myself walking in a dark forest. Much like the one I took Mattie to, but it's different. I don't know where I'm walking to until I hear sobbing. I go towards it, probably because it sounds oddly familiar. I eventually get to a very small clearing and find who's crying.  
Mattie's in the middle of the clearing, sitting on the ground and sobbing into his arms, shaking at the occasional violent sob. He looks more broken then I've ever seen him.  
I quietly go over to him and place a gentle hand on his shoulder, whispering a soft, "Mattie?" He doesn't even react. I sit down next to him and wrap a gentle arm around him. "Mattie, what unawesome thing made you cry?"  
There still isn't a response.  
Growing frustrated, I take his head and make him look at me.  
"Mattie. What the hell is wrong?"  
"I'm gonna die." he whispers.  
"Wha- No, no you're not. I won't let you die."  
"But you left me. You left me all alone. So now I'm going to die."  
"You don't have to die just because I left you."  
He nods and wipes some tears away. I realize his arms are bleeding.  
"Come on, let's get you to the nurse." I try to help him up, but he gives me an icy glare.  
"Just let me die;that's what you want."  
**exiting dream music**  
"No...No...No..." I wake up in a cold sweat from my nightmare. I see my Austrian roomie is back, sleeping. I look over at the digital clock that reads 3:05 A.M.  
I sigh and lean back against my bed, pushing my hair back, then letting it fall back in place.  
"Why, Mattie?" I quietly whisper. Why did I even dream about that?


	16. Chapter 16

I sigh, putting my head in my hands. The dream was unsettling. Very unsettling. But I know I can't go to him, as much as I want, he basically said he didn't want me by him anymore. And I just walked out on him. I would do anything to take it back.  
I take an aspirin and then get up, heading out. Maybe a walk will clear my head.  
I walk around aimlessly, trying to avoid the forest. Since I'm not thinking, I end up going there anyway. Luckily it doesn't look like it did in my dream, but I'm still wary of it. And before I know it, I end up at the lake.  
I sit down on the bank and look out over the lake. The water is still this time of night, and the moon is reflected in the dark water.  
Before I can think too much, I hear a quiet chirp, and Gilbird comes over. I hold my hand out and he lands on it, looking at me. I gently pet him a little.  
"I...I don't think I'll be able to bring him here." I quietly and sadly tell him. "I tried to help him. And now I can't even be close to him. Everything's so unfair here." I sigh softly, looking back over the lake for a long while.  
When the sun comes over the horizon I'm half asleep. The sunlight wakes me up. I yawn and take another aspirin, glad I had brought them. I stand up and find Gilbird moved to my head.  
I start walking back to the campus, my hands in my pockets.  
"Why does everything have to be so nice and happy, mocking him?" I murmur to myself.

The day goes by and I can't focus on anything. I can't get Mattie and my dream out of my head. No matter how hard I try to. I try to find him in his classes, but I can't find him.  
When lunch comes, I'm hopeful. He usually comes here even if he doesn't eat.  
I look around for him. I must have checked every table at least twice, but he wasn't there.  
"Macy..." I mumble. He must have gone to her. Well, I'll just go and wait for him. So I get some lunch and sneak over there, sitting outside by the door, under the window. I'll save some food for him, just in case he changes his mind about not eating.  
I wait for hours, and before I know it, the sun starts lowering in the sky.  
"Huh? But I wasn't out here that long." I check the time on my phone, just to be proven wrong. "Oh."  
I get up, stretching, and frown. I go back to the dorms, trying to find him as I go. I make my way to his door and knock on it, only to have no answer. I knock again to have the same lack of response.  
"Mattie, c'mon! I know you're in there!" I wait a few minutes and try to open the door, only to find it locked. I sigh softly. "The awesome me wants to see you, now let me in!" I listen to see if there's any movement, but it's dead silent on the other side of the door.  
Feeling defeated, I look down slightly then go back to my own room. Hopefully I can find him tomorrow.

When I get back to my room, I sit on the floor and lean back against my bed, turning on the TV. I turn on my Xbox and start to play Call of Duty. It doesn't last for long though.  
My mind keeps wandering to Mattie. I have to know if he's ok, and while I think of him, I get distracted and end up getting killed at least five times.  
I end up turning off the game and watching TV instead. Or I listen to it as I lay on my bed and look up at the ceiling. I stay like that for a long time, and I may have drifted off once or twice, but I'm brought back to reality when the door opens. I look over excitedly, only to see it's just Roderich.

"Oh."

"Well that's such a nice greeting." he sarcastically tells me, closing the door. I shrug.  
"I was just hoping you'd be someone else."  
"Well I'm so sorry for the disappointment." more sarcasm as he sits down at the desk and looks at me. "Who were you hoping I was?"  
"...Just a friend."

"Antonio?"

"No. And why do you even care?" I glare at him.  
"Because I know you want to talk about it."  
I look back at the ceiling and become silent for a few minutes before softly saying, "Mattie."

"Who?"

"Matthew Williams."  
I watch as he think for a moment. "You mean the kid that was in that video?"  
I solemnly nod. "Yeah. The poor kid in the video."  
"He's here now?"  
"Yeah. Little Mattie's here."  
"For once, you did a good thing, Gilbert. Befriending him."

"Mhm."

"You don't seem very happy about it."  
I turn onto my side with his back to him. "I'm not supposed to see him anymore. Apparently I'm making things worse for him."  
"How so?"  
"I just wanted to help him. I stayed by him and made sure no one gave him a hard time. I even brought him out to the little clearing in the woods, and I made sure he was ok, and I made him promise to stop his bad habits twice, and I told him I would help him stop, and I made sure he was safe and wanted an-"  
"So you're upset you can't see your crush anymore."  
"Yeah." then I realize what I agreed with and I blush, glaring at him and try to change my response. "No. Of course not! That's not why! The awesome me just has nothing else to do but help him!"  
"Does he know you like him?"  
I pause for a moment, looking down. "I hope he does."  
"So are you going to stop seeing him just because someone said to?"  
"Of course not. I have to keep making sure he's alright...I just need to figure out a way to get to him first."


	17. Chapter 17

That night, I have another nightmare that's worse than the night before.

I'm back at the forest clearing from before, but Mattie isn't there.

"M-Mattie?" I get up and try to figure out where he could have gone. There's some blood on the ground in a small trail. "Scheisse..." I follow the trail of blood through the woods, looking and calling for the little Canadian as I do so.

There isn't any response from him, and I knew there wouldn't be. I still look around for him though. Eventually, I find him kneeling in front of the lake and looking out at it.

"Mattie?" I softly ask as I sit next to him. He doesn't respond as he looks off. "What are you thinking?"

"...What do you think I am?"

I sigh softly and wrap an arm around him. "Please don't. I don't want to lose you. I can't be without you, Mattie. And this isn't going to solve all your problems."

"How do you know?"

"Well, how do you know it'll be better on the other side? Who said it would be easier or better?"

"You never know until you get there."

"Can't we make things better on this side before we try the other one? Please?"

" 'We'? "

"Yeah. You...and me. I'm gonna help you through this."

"...You can't."

"Of course I can. I'm awesome, so I can help you through this."

"...You know what would make me happy?"

"What?" I eagerly look at him. "What you make you happy?"

"If we went for a swim."

"..A-a swim?" I'm worried he doesn't actually want to take a swim, but he nods and smiles. He actually smiles. I can't say no to that smile. I smile as well. "Alright. We'll go for a swim."

We go out into the water after stripping down to our boxers. He actually doesn't try to drown himself. Maybe that means I fixed him. Maybe that means he isn't depressed anymore. Maybe that means more smiles and laughter and happiness and less sadness, cutting, and frowns.

He swims over and wraps his arms around me from behind.

"I love you, Gil." he softly whispers.

I happily smile. "I love you, too."

He kisses my check and lets go of me. "Don't forget me when I'm gone..."

"Wh-What?" I turn around in a panic, not seeing him behind me. There are some bubbles on the surface of the water, and I'm scared my heart is pounding too fast.

"Mattie? Mattie?" I go under the water to look for him. I eventually spot him, eyes closed and head dangling uselessy.

I go up above the water and take in as much air as I can before diving under and going to Mattie as fast as I can. He won't do this. He can't do this. I won't let him.

I grab him under his arms and start swimming up, but I'm starting to feel light-headed too. But I try my best to at least get him up to the surface. I don't know if I can make it, even though it's so close. I can feel tears forming in my eyes and there's a little voice in the back of my head telling me I can't make it and we'll both die.

'No!' I fight against it, pulling the last of my strength and bringing us both to the surface. But that's only half of it. Mattie's stilll unconsious and most likely heading towards the light.

I manage to get him to the surface and lay him on the shore. "Mattie! No, please come back! Please, Mattie..." I do what I can to get the water out of him, managing to get some out, but I dont know how much was in him before. I feel the tears falling as I try again. When I get what I think to be most of the water out of him, I preform CPR to the best of my ability.

His eyes start to flicker and his chest starts moving again. I smile in relief. He starts to cough, getting some more water out of his lungs and then looks at me. "G-Gil?"

Before I can answer, though, I hear Rodrich's voice. Everything's bright. I'm dry and laying in bed and standing above me, shaking me, is Rodrich.

"What?" I mumble.

"You were having a nightmare and woke me."

"So you had to wake me, too?"

"Of course. I'm not going to stay and lay awake in my bed while you talk about not letting Mattie go. What was that about?"

"...I don't think you can help with that."

"And why not?"

"He barely trusts me; there's not way he'd trust you."

"Well, are you going to help him?"

"I have to. My nightmares aren't going to become reality. I promise. They can't."

"Sounds like it will be hard."

"I don't care. I have to protect him. And nothing will stop me."

"Alright. As long as you know what you're doing."

"I know what I'm doing, don't worry, Roddy."

He glares at me, so I know that's good since his girlfriend isn't here.

"Kesesese. Now, go get to sleep before you lose any more and are even crankier than normal."

"I'm not cranky!"

"Yeah, whatever." I wave him away and he glares, but gets back to bed.

I close my eyes again, hoping not to have another nightmare.

The following morning, I wake up in bed, yawning slightly. Luckily, I hadn't had another nightmare. I hadn't dreamed at all. Well, that may have been because I couldn't get to sleep again.

I don't mind though.

Once I get up, I don't even bother to change before heading out of the room and going down the hall. I get to Mattie's room and pull on the door, but it''s still locked.

"Mattie, come on, open the door! Ya gotta be in there! I know you gotta be! öffnen die Tür, öffnen die Tür! (open the door)" I fall to my knees, still banging on the door. "Mattie!"

After a moment of kneeling there with no answer I sigh softly and stop the banging, leaning my head against the door. "Mattie...why won't you come out?" I softly whisper. "I can't help you if you're all alone in there."

I stay there for a while, hoping he'd maybe come out or open the door, but he stays in there. I get up around noon and go to get some food.

When I get there, Toni finds me and comes up to me.

"Hey, are you okay? You don't look so good. Did you sleep alright last night?"

"Yeah. I slept fine."

"Gilbert."

I get some food without answering him, making sure to get enough for two people and getting one in a to-go order. Toni takes my shoulder and has me look at him. "Gil, what's bothering you?"

"...I had a nightmare...Mattie almost died..."

He frowned slightly. "Was there more to it?"

"Well, I saved him."

"Because you had to?"

I nodded. He looks at me like I should have done it for another reason. I realize he must think that was the only reason.

"N-no. Nein. I saved him because I had to, in here." I gesture to my heart. "He can't die, even in a dream."

He nodded, seeming to accept that answer better. "Well, where is he then?"

"He won't come out of his room. I...I was going to bring him some food."

"Do you know when he last ate?"

I shake my head, then look at him. "Help me at least get him out of his room, OK? Because he needs to come out. He can't stay locked up in there forever."

"Alright." he gave a little smile. "I'll help you."

"Danke."

"De nada."  
"Let's go then. The sooner we get him out of his room, the better I'll feel."  
"What about eating?"  
"I'll eat with Mattie. I'm scared he's not eating anything in there."  
Toni nodded. "Alright. We'll go try and get him out of his room."  
"No. We're not going to try. We're /going/ to."  
Toni nodded. "I know."  
"You don't have to just /know/; you have to believe that he'll come out."  
"Okay, okay."  
So I nodded, and we went down to Mattie's room again.  
I knock on the door, not expecting a response, and not getting one anyway.  
"Mattie, I got some food for you."  
"Is there always silence when you do that?" Toni asks after a minute of silence.  
I nod sadly. "Yeah. Not even a rustle."  
"Do you know what may get him out?"

"Francis!"

"Francis? But he wouldn't be able to get here for a few hours."  
"No. He may know what can get Mattie out of his room."  
Toni nodded. "Maybe. He sounded like he was close to him."  
"Yeah." I pull out my cell and call Francis. It takes a minute or so for him to pick up.  
" 'ello?" he asks.

"Francis!"

"Gil? I thought I told you not to call me at work."  
"It's an emergency!"  
"With Mathieu?"

"JA!"

"What? What is it?"  
"He won't come out of his room and he won't eat and he won't say anything and I want to get him out of his room to help him, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to and I'm not sure if he's- Mphmfmm?"  
Toni puts his hand over my mouth and takes my phone to stop me from rambling on.  
"Si. ...I don't think so...Yes, I believe I have. ...Mhm...Oh, really?...Really?...Okay. ...No, I didn't. ...Alright, Adios."  
He hangs up and gives me my phone back.  
"Well? What did he say?"  
"He says he doesn't know how to get him out of his room. At home everyone just went into his room when they wanted or needed him. But that wasn't a lot since people kept forgetting about him. And he didn't lock his door much, so they never had a situation like this. He did say he was worried for him though. Very worried. He said he would come in two days to see him, if he's come out by then."  
"You people are so negative. It's all the negativity that's keeping him inside."  
"No one's being negative but him, Gil."  
"It's not his fault he's all depressed! I'm doing my best to help him!"  
"Maybe he just doesn't want your help."  
"He needs my help! He needs it and I'm going to make sure he's better! He's gonna be happy, okay?! He's going to be happy and healthy and everything's going to be fine!"  
"No need to get upset, Gil. I was only saying."  
I hadn't realized I was tearing up until Toni said something. I turn away, wiping the tears from my eyes and mumbling, "I just want to help him."  
"I know you do. I'm sure he appreciates it deep down, even if he doesn't know it."  
I look determinedly at the door. "He's gonna be okay. He's gotta be okay. I'll make sure he is. Even... Even if I have to die to make him happy, I will."  
Antonio takes me shoulders and looks at me.  
"Don't talk like that, Gilbert. I know you want him to be better, but you can't go killing yourself just for that."  
"But..." I sigh softly, knowing he was right. "I just want him to be happy. Even if it's just for a minute."  
"I know you do, Gil. Just, please don't go thinking like that. He'll be okay, and no one will have to die."  
I nod. "I...I know. I'm sorry, I just..." I sigh softly.  
"Everything /will/ be okay. Trust me."  
I nod slightly. "Now, we just need to find a way to get him out of his room.

((a/n: sorry the formating's kinda messed up with the spacing paragraphs. it will be fixed in the next one))


	18. Chapter 18

Well, it turned out it didn't matter what we did, because Mattie never did come out of his room by the end of the day. There wasn't even a noise in the room that I could hear. I'm getting really worried about Mattie.  
"It's getting late, Gil." Toni tells me with a little yawn. "I'm heading to bed. You should do the same."  
"I don't want to leave him." I mumbled with my head against the door.  
He sighs softly. "Alright, suit yourself. Please don't stay here too late though, ok?"  
I nod. "Sure."  
He gently pats my shoulder before heading off. I stay there, leaning against his door for a while. I don't remember falling asleep, but apparently I do, since I suddenly find myself outside. Mattie's right next to me and is looking off again. I realize we're on the roof of the school. It's night and the stars are shining brightly. Too brightly, in my opinion.

"Mattie."

"Hm?"

"Don't."

"Why?" It doesn't sound like he's depressed. More like he's at peace.  
"You don't deserve to die. You never did anything wrong."  
"I've done plenty wrong. And I continue to. I can't help it. This will end everything." He takes a step forward and so do I.  
"Mattie, this will end nothing. If you think you've done so many bad things, this will be the worse thing you've ever done. No one will be able to get over this. Living will be hell for some people. You'll just make people's lives worse if you do this."  
He looks over at me with a gentle smile that doesn't look like he should have it. It's filled with pain, but acceptance of what he's about to do. I can't believe he's not showing any fear at all as he stands on the ledge. The ledge? When the hell did he get there?!  
"It's nothing worse than what you were going to do for me. But nothing can make me happy now. Nothing but dying."  
He goes to step off the ledge, taking in a breath and starting to lean forward to fall. Before he can, I go and grab him around his waist and pull him back to the middle of the roof, holding him tightly and not planning to let go.

"Gil."

"What?"  
"Stop trying to stop me. It's not worth it. I'm not worth your time."  
"Don't you say that. Don't you dare say that." I hardly notice there are tears in my eyes as I hold him close to my chest protectively like I can defend him from everything bad in the world.  
"You're a good person. You're amazing. You've made my life better. I'm happy knowing you're just down the hall from me. I'm so happy you're alive. Your suffering's going to stop. I'll make sure of it. Everything will be fine. You don't have to kill yourself to make everything fine."  
He starts to smile and say something, but the dream changes.  
We're in the cafeteria, but when no one's there. I don't see Mattie right away, but I know he's here somewhere.  
"Mattie?" I call cautiously, walking around. I hear a quiet noise of pain from the kitchen and quickly go there.  
"Mattie? Mattie!"  
He's carefully cutting himself with one of the knives, his back to me. His arms were completely red. I rush over to him and take the knife.  
"Mattie, why the hell are you doing this again?" He doesn't respond. "Mattie, look at me." He doesn't turn around.  
I scowl and grab his shoulders, turning him around, but my hand instantly drops and the one covers my mouth as I take a step back.  
He's deathly pale, paler than me, and so skinny that he's nearly a skeleton. There are cuts on his face. He's smiling, but it's twisted and looks insane. His eyes are the worse though. His eyes that I love so much are sunken and have dark circles under them. The blue-violet color has turned blood red. The whites of his eyes are black. He reminds me of a demon.  
"M-Mattie?" I cautiously whisper.  
He laughs, but it's a terrible, scratchy laugh that I never want to hear again.  
"Matthew. No one calls him Matthew. Always Mattie- That is, if they see him." It sounds nothing like him. The voice is deeper and darker.  
"Who are you? What have you done to Mattie?"  
He takes a step towards me, and I take one back.  
"I haven't done anything to Matthew. This is what he's done to himself. This is all the pain that he's brought to himself. Over a thousand days' worth. The depression. Smoking pot. Cutting." He chuckled and held up his arms. "/Lots/ of cutting." I watch as drops of blood fall and hit the floor. "And you think you can save him? You think you can get rid of me?"  
"Of course I can. Without you, h-he'll be happy. And I want him to be happy."  
"So why don't you just kill me, then?"  
"You resemble him..."  
"No. He resembles me now. I am part of him. I am in him. I can control him now."  
"You shouldn't be. He did nothing to deserve you."  
"But he did nothing to stop me either." He comes closer until he's right in front of me. I see Mattie's face for a moment. I want to just take him in my arms and make everything OK, let him know everything will be alright, but then it changes back to the demon's face, smiling evilly at me. "And he's doing nothing to get rid of me, letting me live. He doesn't care that I'm in him, and he doesn't care if I'm not in him. He doesn't care at all. He doesn't even care about you."  
"Stop lying! He cares about me!"  
He just laughs that scratchy laugh again.  
"Then why won't he come out of his shell for you? If he comes out of his shell for someone, he likes them. Obviously he doesn't care for you."  
"He does care for me. I just can't get him out of his shell because I'm not doing something right. I just don't know what to do."  
"You're not doing anything wrong. He just doesn't want to."  
"I know he does! He /has/ to come out of his shell. I love him, and he's gonna love me, too!"  
"You can't force love on someone."  
"But I know he loves me!"  
"No, you don't!"  
"Yes, I do!"

"How?"

"I got him to promise to stop cutting and I got him to admit he has a problem! Has anyone else done that?!"  
"It doesn't matter. He's gonna die."  
"He won't. I know he won't. I'll stop him. I'll save him."  
"You can't save him. He'll do whatever it takes to kill himself."  
"I'll save him anyway. I'll do everything I can to save him, and I'll have help."  
He smirks. "You can't even get him out of his room. Who's to say he hasn't already killed himself?"  
"Because he hasn't died in my nightmares."  
He glares. "You won't be able to get to him in time. Trust me."  
Before I can say anything, the room dissolves and I'm back in front of Mattie's room, leaning against the door.  
I start to panic slightly and bang on his door again, even though it was about four in the morning.  
"Mattie! Mattie! Open the door! Open it or I'm breaking in!" I don't notice the tears in my eyes as I bang on his door. "Mattie, please! _Bitte!_!"  
The door stays shut after ten minutes of banging on it. I slide down to my knees again, feeling defeated. "Why?" I whisper. "Please come out. I don't want you getting hurt. I think-no, I /know/ that... I love you." I murmur, some tears gently falling.  
After a few minutes, I get up and wipe my eyes on my sleeve. "I'll be back, Mattie. I just to get a way into your room." I know Toni most likely has keys to every room, or at least a way to get into any room, so I head to Toni's room.  
**Mattie's POV**  
There's been a constant banging at my door and a muffled voice. I only ignored it.  
I haven't moved from the bed, and I've fallen into the habit of making a thin cut or two along my arm or leg every hour or so, or whenever I felt like it. I just let my body move on it's own as I continue to stare at the wall hopelessly. Kuma's been fending for himself, but he doesn't seem to mind.  
I don't realize what I'm doing until I feel the familiar slight pain in my leg. I glance down and see I'm running the plastic knife along my leg, making a new cut to add to the others. I don't mind it, looking back up.  
I stay like that for a while, then something goes off in the back of my mind. I try to ignore it, but as much as I try to, it doesn't work. The voice is back.  
'_Do it now.'_

'_Now?_'  
'_Yes. What are you, deaf in your head?'_  
_'...Do it now...But I don't know if I'm ready_.'  
_'Let it be natural, then._'  
'_I don't know if this can be natural.'_  
_'Well, what you're doing isn't natural__either.'_  
'_Right. Just...Give me a few minutes._'  
_'Make it quick. Me and everyone else is sick and tired of you wasting space and oxygen. We all want to get rid of you.'_  
_'I know._'  
I get up a little slowly and go over to the desk. I take out a piece of paper and a pen and start writing.  
_To anyone who happens to find this-_  
_I'm sorry for the inconvenience of having to remove my body. Let me just go over a few things first. If no one wants to notice me, that's fine. I can understand why. No one wants to notice someone who's a waste of life. I'm sorry I had to be here. If I could have admitted I liked guys earlier, if I could have been stronger, if I hadn't been so quiet, if I hadn't been me, maybe life would have been better. I've wasted a lot of people's valuable lives when they noticed me. If I could change things, I would, but there's nothing I can do now. Please tell Francis Bonnefoy I'm sorry and I'll miss him. A dying kid's wish. I know this way I can't cause people any more trouble of trying to remember me. I know I was worthless in live. I'll consider myself lucky if I'm at least a ghost. Maybe then I can do some good and help someone. There's nothing left for me here though. My life isn't worth anything. I am so sorry for the inconvenience, but I don't think I can make it to a river in time, otherwise I wouldn't have to _  
_bother anyone with this._  
_-the former person known as Matthew Williams_  
I look over the note for a moment before adding: _Take whatever you want of my old possessions. I'm sure some if them may be useful for school or work. Kumatakachi will need a new owner, too._  
I then nod to myself and put the note on my desk, neatly and put the pen next to it.  
I stand up a little teary-eyed and clean up the room a little. No need for people to be in a messy room, right? Besides, I'll be a bigger mess.

((_a/n: sorry the chapter's depressing. be warned that the next one will be even more depressing. but it'll be all right eventually, i promise_))


	19. Chapter 19

I silently gulp a little and take off my hoodie, folding it up and gently placing it in the middle of my bed. I take off my bandages and go into the bathroom, placing them on the sink. I take my plastic knife, covered in blood, and kneel down in the middle of the small bathroom. I shakily start cutting my wrist as I normally do, but I start cutting closer and closer to the big artery in my wrist. And the closer I get to it, the more I start to shake. I make a small cut there and am surprised a little by all the blood that comes out. I knew it would be bad though. And I also know I don't have that much time until I'll start to feel light-headed. I take the knife shakily in my other hand and start cutting at my other wrist, tears in my eyes. A few tears fall onto the floor, but I don't care. I'm sure they're only tears of pain. I'm sure I'm beyond the point of caring. Beyond any feeling.  
I clutch the knife in my hand, the shaking becoming more violent. I let out a little sob and stop momentarily.  
'_I can't do this. I can't. It hurts too much._'  
_'Suck it up, fag.'_  
_'B-b-but I can't. I-isn't there a w-way to do this th-that doesn't hurt?'_  
_'Hurry up and do it. I can feel you starting to lose consciousness. You have to kill yourself first. Hurry!'_  
I nod shakily and try to stop crying as I slowly start to cut my other arm. I try to cut faster so the pain wouldn't be as bad, but something's stopping me from cutting any faster than I am. It goes on for a few agonizing minutes, and I have to lean against the sink so I won't fall. And before I can shakily cut the big artery in my other wrist, the door bursts open.  
"Mattie!" I'm grabbed from behind and pulled into someone's lap. They take the knife and pry it out of my fingers, but I can still feel my hand moving as if I were still cutting. They pull me close to them and grab my arms, holding the inside of them against my shirt to try and stop or at least slow the bleeding. "T-Toni, call an ambulance o-or something! _J-jezt!_ (now)"  
"S-si!" There's someone else in the room who walks out.  
"I hope I wasn't too late." The guy holding me says. "Please don't let me have been too late." He's sobbing as he holds me tight. "Please don't die."  
"I-I'm..al-already d-dead...inside..." I barely murmur.  
"No. N-nein. nein, nein." He very gently kisses the top of my head.  
"Hey, Gil?" the other guy, Toni, asks.

"Hm?"

"They're on their way. Just make sure he says up, don't let him fall unconscious."  
"Okay. Why are you dead on the inside, Birdie?"

"...B-Birdie?"

"Ja. Birdie. Why are you dead on the inside?" He speaks softly.  
"...There..Isn't anything...Left for m-me. I-I'm not...not any-anyone...Not i-import...Import..." I couldn't remember the word. I tried to remember, but it was coming up blank.  
"Nein, Birdie. You're important. You're someone. You're loved. Trust me, liebe. Oh, sheisse. Nein. Nein. Birdie, stay with me. Breathe. /Breathe./"  
I hadn't realized I wasn't breathing until he said something. The voice must be trying to control me. But, I don't care.  
"Birdie, breathe, dammit!" He sounded hysterical. "Come on, breathe! I'm not going to let you die! I love you too much to let that happen! You're the best person I ever met, you're beautiful, wonderful, amazing, even more awesome than me!"  
So that's.. That's Gil. A-and he...He loves me?  
"...D-do y-you...M-m-?"  
"Yes." he answers before I even get the question out. "Yes, I mean it. I mean every word of it." He holds me tighter to him. "Please...Please don't die..."  
Then I start trying to breathe, much to the voice's disliking.  
'_No. You're not going to breathe. No one likes you, remember? Who like you? Even your own mother would hate you.'_  
_'No. Gilbert loves me. And my mother wouldn't hate me. She wouldn't.'_  
Before the voice can say anything else, I'm enveloped by darkness and lose all feeling.  
Gil POV  
"Birdie? Birdie? Birdie?! Birdie!" There isn't a response from him as he falls limp in my arms. Tears fill in my eyes again. "Nein. Nein, I won't let you die. I can't let you die." I do all I can to keep him breathing. I try my best to preform CPR, but I don't know it that well.  
Toni shakes my shoulder a little a minute or so later. I ignore him.  
"Gil...They're here, you can stop now."  
"No." I mumble. "I can't. I won't."  
A stronger hand is put on my shoulder. "If you want to save him, you need to let him go and let us take him."  
I sniffle a little, but don't let him go.  
"We'll take care of him. And you can come visit."  
I reluctantly let him go for the other man to take to the hospital.  
"You better save him." I tell him as I glare at the unknown man, wiping some tears from my eyes.  
"We will." And then he leaves with my Birdie.  
"It will be alright, amigo. They'll make sure he's OK. They'll make sure he stays and doesn't leave to the other side."  
"H-how do you know?" I mumble, looking up at him from where I am on the floor still. He sits down next to me.  
"Remember when I was telling you about when I was younger and got into that car crash?" I nod. "And it had seemed pretty bad, but I'm still here and perfectly fine, si?"

"...Ja."

"So, they'll fix Mattie up good as new. And he'll be fine."  
"What if he's not fine? What if he cuts again? What if he still wants to smoke? What if he still has the voice in his head that wants him to kill himself? What if-"  
"Then you can help him."

"What?"

"You can help him want to live and see the good in life. I'll talk to the people above me and see if I can't get you able to stay in this room with him. Then you can help him all the time, alright?" I nod. "And then you can make sure he's happy and all. And everything will be good again, okay?" I nod again. He smiles softly. "Good. I'll call to see if you can see him in the morning and then I'll take you to go see him, alright?"  
"Okay. Okay." For some reason, I feel perfectly calm. "Alright."  
"Now, let's clean this blood off the floor." He starts to get up.

"No!"

"Huh? But, it's hard to clean up if it dries."  
"Let me just take a picture."  
"A picture?" he asks as I take my phone out of my pocket.  
"Ja. To show him what could happen if he wants to cut again. How bad it can be." I take a picture of it before Toni can argue. He just sighs softly.  
"Alright. Let's just clean it up now, okay?"  
I nod. "Ja."  
He turns the sink on and grabs some washcloths, putting soap in the sink. We put the washcloths in the sink and then start to clean the floor and the bottom side of the sink. We clean in silence. Toni lets me have time to think about all this.  
I try to wrap my head around this. Mattie nearly died in front of me. If I hadn't had that nightmare...then Mattie would definitly be dead. I just hope I won't have any more nightmares about Mattie trying to die now that I've saved him. I hope the doctors will be able to save him. I did what I had to to keep him alive. Now they better do what they have to. So he won't die. I don't know how my life would be if Mattie was gone. I don't even want to think about it. Because it would be hell now that he's been in my life.  
"Gil, don't think too hard about this, okay?" Toni says, breaking the silence.

"Yeah."

We continue to clean it in silence, finishing what seems like an hour later.  
"You really think they'll be able to save him?" I ask, looking worriedly at him.  
He nods. "I know they will." He assures me. "Now, you could use some sleep. Come on, let's go get you back to your room. I'll be over in the morning with news on him, alright?"

"Alright."

I let Antonio led me back to my room and open the door, sending me into the room.  
I see Roderich's still sleeping before Toni leaves and shuts the door behind him. I sit down on my bed and look at the floor for a minute.  
"Poor Mattie." I softly whisper. "If only I had gone in sooner...This could have been avoided. It's my fault."  
"Hm?" I look over to see Roderich's desk lamp go on and Roderich sit up. "What are you doing here so late?"

"...What are you doing going to bed so early?"

"Gilbert."

"Trouble."  
"With, uh,...um...what was his name?"  
"Mattie. Yeah. You could say that."  
"What happened?"  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
"You didn't want to talk about it before."  
"I really would rather not talk about it."  
"Why not?"  
"Stop prying! You didn't want to talk about it when your dog died! This is a _million _times worse!"  
He looks at me for a moment. "Did he...?"  
I shake my head and wipe some tears from my eyes. "I-I don't know yet."  
Roderich comes over and wraps his arm around my shoulders. "I'm sure everything will be OK"  
I shake my head a little, trying not to cry.  
"It's all right. Sometimes you have to let your emotions out." After a minute, he tells me, "I won't tell anyone, I promise."  
"S-swear?"  
Roderich nodded. "I swear."  
I nod and lean against him, letting the tears fall and let them all fall. I don't know how his family could deal with this... I don't know how _he_ could deal with this. And I just let all the sadness come out as Roderich did his best to comfort me until I became drowsy and started to fall asleep.  
"You've had a rough day. Get some sleep, alright?" I can only nod a little. He nods. "Alright. Good night."  
"Night." I mumble as he leaves to his bed. I lay down in my own and soon fall asleep, even before Roderich turns off his light.

((a/n: there will be more of mattie's pov later, promise.))


	20. Chapter 20

I wake up from a dreamless, and luckily nightmare-less, sleep the next morning when Toni shakes my shoulder. I look up at him a little groggily while my mind wakes up. When it does, I shoot up and look at him. "Well, can I see him? Is he OK? Is he...? What the doctor say?"  
"Not so many questions at once, Gil. I just called them."  
"And what did they say about Birdie? About my Mattie?"  
"Calm down, Gil. They said you can't see him yet, but they told me they were able to get him there on time and he should be just fine. And I told them about the voice in his head and they said they would do their best to help him with that."  
I nod a little. "O-Okay."  
"I'll let you know as soon as you can see him."  
"Can't we go there now anyway? I-I mean, he's gotta wake up soon, r-right? /Right?/"  
"Calm, Gil, calm."  
"How the hell can I be calm when I don't know how Mattie is and all the way in the hospital?"  
"Gil, you need to be calm. Panicking like this won't help him."  
"Staying here isn't doing him any good either!"  
"He wouldn't want you to panic like this."  
"Last thing I know that he wanted to do was kill himself!"  
He sighs softly. "He will be OK. I know he will. We...No, /you/ got to him just in time."  
"I could have gotten there sooner. I should have gotten there sooner."  
"Gil, please don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."  
"Are you saying it's my Birdie's fault?" I glare at him. "Don't you /dare/ blame my innocent little Birdie."  
"I'm not blaming him. I'm not blaming either of you. I'm not blaming anyone."  
"...It was their fault."  
"Whose fault?"  
"The people that made my Birdie feel unloved, unwanted, and depressed in the first place. And most of all, that voice in his head. It made him do that, I'm sure of it. I'm sure it made him feel even more miserable than before. I wish it were a real person, just so I can protect him from it."

"...Gil?"

I stand up and get a clean shirt on and pull on some jeans, since I had just been in a pair of boxers with my tee-shirt overnight. I go for the door, then turn to face Toni when he doesn't follow.  
"Well? Come on. I don't want to keep him waiting."  
"Gil, he can't have any visitors right now."  
I frown. "Well, we're still going to the hospital to wait for him to wake up. I wanna be the first one there for him."  
"...I suppose I can drive you there. I'll be driving, so you should be the one to call Francis and tell him about this, ok?"  
I nod. "Alright. Can we go now?"

"Si."

So we go down to Antonio's car and get in. I pull out my phone as he pulls out and heads down the road and call Francis. It takes a minute or two for him to answer.  
" 'ello?"  
"Hey Francis. I, uh, have something to tell you. About Mattie..."  
"What's wrong, Gil?"  
"Um, last night, or early in the morning, really, we managed to get into Mattie's room."  
"You did? Zhat is wonderful, Gil! What could be bad about zat?"  
"Because...When we found him, he was in the bathroom, cutting himself and leaning against the sink. He didn't look too good and it was really obvious he was...he was...d-dying..."  
There's silence on the other side of the line. I take a breath and continue.  
"B-But it's...it's gonna be okay. C-cuz I stopped him. A-and I tried to stop the bleeding. And Toni...Toni called an-an ambulance...a-and they got him and brought him to th-the hospital. A-and Toni called them this morning. And they said he would be fine."  
"Mon Matthieu...Mon doux petit Matthieu.(my sweet little Matthew.)" He lets out a little sob. "Matthieu."  
"I-I'm sure he'll be okay. I..." The words get caught in my throat. I swallow and try again. "I'll make sure your cousin is OK."  
"...Alright. I trust you, Gil. I will be zhere when I can."  
"O-Ok. Weidersan."  
"Au revior." We both hang up and I put my phone back in my pocket, looking out the windshield.  
"He'll be alright, Gil." Toni tells me. "Don't you worry too much. He'll be just fine, I know it. And he'll be just fine after he gets out too. Everything will be just fine."

"No."

He looks over at me for a second before looking back at the road. "Gil, I /promise/ you-"

"He'll be better than fine."

"Huh?"

"I'll make sure he's better than fine. He'll think everything is perfect, and I'll make sure everything's perfect for him. Maybe after I help him not want to cut anymore and get him to not be depressed and make him happy...Maybe then I can get him to forget the bad things that happened." I smile a little. "And he can start over."  
"That's a nice thing to think, Gil."  
"It's not just a thought. I'm gonna do it."  
He smiles softly and nods. "That's a good thought to hang on to." he tells me. "A good thought, Gil."  
"It's not a thought. It'll be reality. That's what's really gonna happen, Toni."  
He just nods and the rest of the ride is in silence.  
time skipping to hospital  
When we get to the hospital, I get out of the car and would have run right in, demanding to see my Birdie if Toni hadn't grabbed the back of my shirt, holding me back.  
"Gil, you can't just go barging in there, yelling. You have to keep a level head. Stay calm. No matter what you see."  
"But...I won't freak out when I see him, I just...I just need to see him. I...I can handle it."  
"I don't think you can handle it just yet. And besides, they didn't call me back saying you could see him yet."

"B-but..."

"Please, Gil."  
I nod. "I'll try to be calm. I'll try. For him."  
Toni nods. "Si, for him."  
So, we go into the hospital and Toni finds out what room Mattie's in, the person at the desk telling him he can't be seen just yet. Toni hold her we knew that and told her we were just going to wait until we could. She nodded and told him were the nearest waiting room to his room was. Toni thanked her and led me there. I didn't speak, trying to stay calm through the whole thing and trying to think of my nightmare that potentially saved Mattie or Mattie cutting up his arms.  
As we go to the waiting room, I unconsciously memorize the way there. Down the hall behind the desk. Into the elevator. Up to the third floor. A right out of the elevator and down another hall. Left at the end. Down the hall, sixth door on the left is the waiting room. The small room with two small couches, three chairs, a small table in the middle as long as the one couch facing it, a trashcan, tissues, a lamp on a table between the two couches, and a small blank tv in the left corner by the door walking in.  
We go in and I sit down on the one couch. Toni sits next to me. It's all silent for a while, but I don't mind it. I wasn't really in the mood for talking anyway.  
Francis comes in later, around a half hour or so and sits down.  
"Hola." Toni says.  
" 'i." he replies.  
I just remain silent.  
" 'Ow long 'as 'e been 'ere?" he asks after a minute or so.  
"Since around four this morning."  
"Four. Four in zhe morning. Non. Non." Then he keeps mumbling in French for a moment. Then he looks back up. "You didn't zeem zo happy about zis eizer, Gil."  
I just silently nod.  
"He wouldn't leave him alone. He kept going to room and he actually stole my keys to get into his room."  
I can feel Francis looking at me as I look down. I see a few tears fall to the ground, but I don't remember feeling them in my eyes.  
I feel a gentle hand on my back and I look up to see Toni with his hand on my back. I see Francis has tears in his eyes too.  
"He'll be fine. Everything will be okay." Toni tells us. I only look down again. He lets out a small sigh.  
" 'Ow...'ow bad was eet?" Francis quietly asks after a minute.  
"Wh-when they took him a-away...Th-this is what w-was on the floor." I softly say, taking out my phone and showing him the picture I had taken.  
Francis takes my phone and looks at the picture with a deep frown. He shakes his head slightly. "Matthieu..."  
I nod and take my phone back when he's done looking at it and put it back in my pocket.  
"So much blood..." he softly says.  
I nod. "I...I know."

We stay there, silent for a long while until a doctor comes later. I don't know how long it took him to get here, though. Francis and I both get up and bombard him with questions.  
"Is he okay?"  
"Can we see him now?"  
"Did he stop bleeding?"  
"He's not dead, right?"  
"What's going on?"  
"He /is/ fine, right?"  
"Hold on, hold on, quiet down." the doctor told us. Once we did, he talked again, and we hung onto every word. "Matthew is going to be perfectly fine. He's a little fragile right now, though. Don't be too loud;he's still healing. He is stable though, so you can see him for a few minutes."  
I don't know if he said anything after that because Francis and I ran right to Mattie's room, slowing when we got there.  
" 'oo should go in first?" Francis asked.  
"..I don't know." I really didn't. Francis was his cousin, and I saved and love him. So we don't really know, until Francis lets me go in first.  
Mattie is laying on the bed with his eyes closed. his arms are heavily wrapped and there's a few bandages on his head. His glasses are on the table next to him and he's hooked up to something. I'm not sure what it is, though I think it's an IV. At least he's not bleeding anymore.  
There's a soft sob from Francis behind me.  
"J'ai envie que vous arreter cela. Nous ne voulouns pas te faire plus mal. (I wish you would stop this. We don't want you hurt anymore)" He softly says.  
I gently stroke Mattie's hand a little.  
"Mein kleine Birdie. (my little ...birdie...) "  
I don't hear Toni come in and I only know he's there when he puts a hand on my shoulder.  
"Are you okay?" He softly asks.  
"Ja...Ich denke..." ('yes...i think...')  
"It will be okay. He's getting better, si?"  
"Oui." Francis is the one to answer this time.  
I nod silently, still looking at my little Birdie.  
"Ich werde du helfen." (i will help you) i quietly whisper. "Ich werde."

((_a/n: terribly sorry if i spelt anything wrong that's not in English. I'll be getting more help now with the German too))_


	21. Chapter 21

A few hours later, we're back in the waiting room. We're still distraught, but at least we know he's okay now and is getting better. Antonio is down getting food. I wasn't hungry and Francis had eaten before he had come.  
"Guys." Toni says as he comes back. We both look up at him to see he's smiling.  
"Why are you smiling? I know you're a happy person, but there isn't any reason to." I tell him, glaring a little.  
"You'll be smiling when you come with me." he told us.  
Francis and I curiously look at each other before getting up to follow Toni.  
"What are you zo excited about?" Francis asks.  
"Don't go running or crowding him or anything. He's a little slow right now and really sore. He seems fine besides that though."  
"A-Are you saying-?"  
"Zhat Mathieu is awake?" Francis finishes my question.  
Toni grabs both our arms and we look at him, confused for a minute.  
"Tell us!"  
"Si, he is awake."  
Francis and I start running to Mattie's room, or at least we would have if Toni didn't have our arms.  
"Don't startle him. If you do, they won't let you see him."  
We both slow down and stop, nodding.

"Alright."

"Fine."  
Toni nods and brings us to his room.

Mattie POV

I had woken up not too long ago. I'm sore and my head hurts a little, but I can only hear my own thoughts. I don't know how long that will last though. I don't have much time to think because I hear people coming in. I look over and see Gil, Francis, and Antonio.  
"Birdie." Gil softly says, smiling widely. "How are you feeling?"  
"Fine, I guess. I can't feel my arms though." I quietly tell him.  
"I'm so glad you're better." Francis says. I nod a little. He smiles sadly and brushes some hair out of my face.  
"Are you okay, though?" Gil asks, sounding worried.  
I look down at the end of the bed, thinking. I feel better than I have in a while. I still feel depressed, but better. I nod. "Yeah, I think so."  
He smiles a bit. "I'll make sure you get better."  
"We all will." Antonio adds.  
I'm silent for a moment before passively saying, "Alright."  
"Birdie...Don't you want to get better?" Gil asks, sitting next to the bed.  
"I don't know."  
"You don't...What do you mean you don't know?"  
I look over at him. "This is all I've known for a long while. I don't know anything else."  
He frowns slightly. "Birdie..."  
Francis gently places a hand on his shoulder. "You'll be happy again, Mathieu."  
I just nod.  
Gil sighs softly and gently takes my hand. I don't feel it though.  
They stay for a while, talking, and I just nod when I should, or know I probably should. Eventually, though, Francis and Toni leave, which leaves just Gil and me.  
Gil looks at me when they leave, coming closer to the bed. he holds my hand close.  
"I'll make sure you're OK. I can't stand to see you hurt."  
"...G-Gil?" I softly ask after a few minutes.  
"Yes, Birdie?"  
"You...Earlier, did you...Did you say you love me?" I quietly and cautiously ask.  
He smiles and nods. "Yeah. Of course I meant it Birdie. I couldn't lie to you." He gently kisses my hand. "I wouldn't dream of lying to the person I love."  
"Thank you." I softly tell him.  
"No need to thank me for saying something that's true."  
I tried smiling a little, but I knew it wouldn't look like a smile. It makes Gil happy, though. His smile widens when he sees it.  
"I'll help you learn to smile."  
I nod. "Okay."  
He smiles a little sadly. "I swear, everything will be OK."  
I nod a little.  
"Are you tired, Birdie? You haven't said much, and after going through something like this your body is probably tired and needs to do a lot to get you better."  
I shrug a little. "I don't know."  
He gently and carefully rubs my shoulder a bit. "You should get some sleep. I'll be right here waiting for you to wake up."  
I look down a little.  
"Really. I will be. Don't you worry about anything. I'll stay right here with you." He gently kisses my hand. "I promise."  
I look at him a little worriedly.  
"Sleep. You need it."  
I nod a little and slowly close my eyes. I feel him gently stroking my hair a little. I don't mind and soon drift off to sleep

* * *

_((a/n: i know it's short, so don't tell me it is. i got some writer's block_, _so it may be a long while til the next chapter is up. i'll try to think of where to go from here though. if you have an idea of where it could immediately go from here, please pm the idea to me. i could use the help.))_


	22. Chapter 22

My dream is terrible when I fall asleep.  
The voice is back, but he has a body now too. We're in a black room with a single lightbulb to light the room. I'm sitting in a chair, but I can't get up.  
"I told you to do it." he tells me, taking a step towards me. "I told you to do it and you didn't do it. Why didn't you do it?"  
The light flickered and turned off. When it came back on, I can't see him anymore. I franticlly look around, but still can't get up off the chair.  
"You should die." His voice comes from right behind me and I jump a little. "It would be easier for you, wouldn't it?"  
"B-but they said th-they'd help." I don't like how weak and small my voice sounds.  
He puts his hands on my shoulders and my whole body goes cold. I try to move my hands to take his off my shoulders, but I can't move at all.  
"You really think they'll actually help you? You don't know the one. Your cousin didn't help much before, sending you to that school. And the other one. The albino. He's only trying to take advantage of you."  
"G-Gil wouldn't do that."  
"Of course he would."  
"N-no, he w-wouldn't."  
"And why do you say that? Because you have a crush on him? Because he /said/ he loves you?"  
"I-I don't have a crush on him."  
"Oh?" One of his hands moves from my shoulder to the back of my head. "You don't?" he forces his hand into the back of my head, but it's like his hand is going through my head without damaging it. "Oh. It's more than a petty little crush." He laughs the laugh I hate and pulls his hand from my head. I blush softly.

"S-so?"

"So that means you trust him." He looked at me with a smirk. "Isn't that good to know?"  
My eyes widen. "Don't do anything to him!"  
"Hm?" He looks at me a little surprised. "Well, looks like little Matthew has a voice." He grabs my chin and forces me to look into his eyes.  
I see a reflection in them that isn't me now. In the reflection, I'm cutting myself and the blood is flowing from my arms. The knife isn't mine. As I'm cutting, there are arms around me, pulling me up. It's Gil. He's yelling at me, and I'm yelling at him. We're both covered in my blood.  
I close my eyes before I can see anymore.  
"Aw, come now, that's not even the half of it."  
"Wh-what was that?"  
"Oh, it's my favorite thing to watch. It's your future."  
I swallow and shake a little. "M-my f-f-future?"  
"Mmm, yes. It makes me smile to see you suffer so."  
"Birdie!" The room shakes and I look up, seeing a little light. It sounded like Gil.  
The human form of the voice pulls my head back down.  
"Don't you listen. He'll tell you lies." he growls at me.  
"Birdie!" The room shakes again and the human form of the voice grabs my shoulders and pulls me out of the chair, dragging me to a corner. I try to escape his grasp, but I still can't move...  
I wake up in a cold sweat, looking around frantically for a minute before I wince from moving a lot.  
"Birdie, are you okay?"  
I look over slowly and see a worried Gil looking down at me. He's holding my arm gently.  
I blink a little and slowly nod after a minute.  
"Are you sure? Are you /positive/?" His voice is gentle and he moves his hand to my face, gently wiping away some tears. I didn't even know I was crying. "Please tell me."  
I think for a moment. My mind is empty except for my own thoughts again. I nod a little.  
He sighs softly. "Birdie-"  
"I-I'll be okay..." I look up at him a little, into his crimson eyes, "if you help me, that is."  
And that's the first time I've admitted I needed help. Because...I know I need it now.  
Gil slowly and gently lifts my hand up. "Of course I'll help you, Birdie. I'll do anything to help you." He gently kisses my hand.  
I gently hold his hand with mine. He rubs little circles in the back of my hand with his thumb.  
"I'm so glad you told me you need help. Francis will be happy you finally admitted it. And I'm sure-"  
"Gil?" I softly ask him.

"Ja?"

"Please. Don't make a big deal out of this."  
"But it's just..."  
I look down at the bed again, barely listening. He stops after a minute and I look up at him again.  
"I'm sorry. I won't make a big deal of it, okay?" He gently kisses my hand again.  
"Thank you." I softly tell him.  
"Anything for you." I nod a little.  
It's quiet for a few moments while Gil rubs gentle circles in the back of my hand. It's a peaceful, calm silence so it's ok. It relaxes me and keeps me calm. I don't think and listen to the sounds of the machines in the room.  
"Birdie?" Gil asks, breaking the silence.  
I look up at him.  
"The doctors told me that you'd need to stay here for a while."  
"I know. I have to heal."  
"Not just that. They said they wanted to keep you here to make sure you're okay mentally."  
"M-mentally? S-so they think I'm i-insane?"  
He shushs me quietly, gently rubbing my arm until I'm calm again.  
"No one thinks you're insane, Birdie. They're just worried about you and want to help you. You want that voice gone, don't you? Gone for good?"  
I nod a little. "Y-yeah. I want him gone."  
He smiles softly. "Good. Then you'll stay here and they'll help you get better."  
"But...I don't...I don't want to be alone..."  
"And you won't be. I'll be here with you. I'll stay with you the whole time."  
"What about visiting hours?"  
"I'm still here and it's two in the morning."  
I look at him. People aren't supposed to stay after visiting hours, and two AM is definitely past visiting hours. "How?"  
"I convinced them." He had a little glint in his eye.  
"What did you do?"  
"Does it really matter? I'm with you now, and I won't leave you alone. Not when you're like this. Not in a place like this. I could never do that."  
I nod a little. "Thanks."  
"Like I said, I'll do anything for you. Anything at all."  
I nod again a little bit.  
He gently strokes my hair, brushing some out of my face. He looks at my eyes and smiles again.  
"You have the most beautiful eyes, Birdie." He goes back to gently rubbing circles in the back of my hand. "And besides your eyes, you're just beautiful in general."  
I know I'm blushing softly and Gil's smile widens. He brings my hand up and gently kisses it.  
"I love you, Birdie." He softly tells me.  
I nod a little. "I...I know you do."  
He holds my hand to his chest and I can feel his heart beating, strong. I look over at him.  
"That... It's for you. Every single beat."  
I think I manage a small half smile for a second at that, and Gil grins hugely. So huge it reminds of Al's smile. Which reminds me...  
"Do...Do my dad or Alfred know about this?"  
"I think Francis is gonna tell them when he gets home."  
I look down a little, a bit nervously. "Oh."  
"What do you mean 'oh'? They'll come and visit. They're worried about you, too."  
"...It seems like a whole bunch of overacting though."  
"So, maybe they overreact a lot. That doesn't mean they don't care. I know they care, and they care a lot."  
"How do you know? You never met them."  
"Yeah. But I know you're a loveable, sweet, perfect person."  
"I'm not perfect... I'm far from it."  
He frowns a little.  
"Matthew...You're the most perfect person I ever met." He kisses my hand again.  
I just look down, silent again. I know I'm perfect. He can't really think that. Why would anyone think /I'm/ perfect? It just...doesn't make sense. At all.  
I yawn a little, still exhausted.  
"Tired, Birdie?" Gil asks me. I nod a little. "Well, you still need your rest. So get some." I nod again and slowly fall asleep.

* * *

_a/n: a big thanks to the sole person who helped me get over my writer's block and helped continue the story for the rest of ya:_ trueSailorearth. _thanks. and a thanks to my beta, as always~_


	23. Chapter 23

I don't know what time it is when I next wake up, but when I do, I see my brother in the room. And Gil was still there too.  
"Hey, bro. You OK?" Al asks. I slowly nod a little and he frowns slightly. "Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure you're OK?"  
"Hey." Gil looks over at him, taking his arm. "Chill, OK. It's been rough for my little Birdie."  
"You're little Birdie?" Al looks at him a little confused.  
"Yeah. Your brother is my little Birdie." Gil smiles happily.  
"Oh..."  
"You have a problem with that?"  
"Maybe I do."  
They were glaring at each other, and I could tell things were going to go downhill soon.  
"G-guys?" I softly ask, getting both their attention. "C-could you please not argue?" I frown slightly, but it's at hearing how weak and pathetic my voice sounds.  
"Oh. Yeah, sorry, Mattie." Al tells me. He then looks over at Gil. "Why don't you go get something to eat?"  
Gil looks at him with a little of his glare back. "What do you mean?"  
"Well, you've been here with him this whole time, so Why don't you go eat?"  
"I don't want to leave him. What if something happens?"  
"If something happens, I'll be here for him. I'll look over my little bro while you're gone."  
"Uh, a-actually, I'm the older brother..." I softly tell Al.  
He looks over at me. "Oh. That's right. Sorry, I forgot."  
Gil looks at Al and tells him, "If you can't even remember you're younger, I think I should stay."  
Al pouts at him. "But I wanna be with him for a while." he whines.  
"You can be with him while I'm here."  
"Yeah, but I wanna be alone with him."  
"Why?"  
"Haven't you ever wanted to just be alone with your family?"  
"...Fine. But I'm not getting too much to eat, and I'm coming right back as soon as I can."  
"Fine."  
Gil hesitates to get up, and when he does, he leans over and gently kisses my cheek, getting me to blush softly. He slowly leaves, then, to go get some food.  
Alfred looks over at me when Gil's gone. He gently strokes my hand a little, silent for a short moment.  
"Hey, Matt?" he asks, breaking the silence.  
I look up at him. "Yeah?"  
"...Why did...uh..." He looks down, not wanting to ask, and I'm glad he doesn't. After a minute, he slowly asks another question. "Do you like him?"  
I blush. "Wh-what?"  
He chuckles softly. "It's OK. You can tell me." He smiles softly.  
I slowly nod. "Yeah...I guess I do."  
"You guess or you know? Pleeaase?"  
"I...I know." I blush softly, looking down as I admit it.  
He smiles. "Great, so what part of your relationship are you in now?"  
"Um...I...we're just friends now..."  
"Just friends? Oh, come on. You like him, he likes you. You two should be together."  
"B-but what if he ends up being like Sh-Shane?"  
Alfred gently turns my head so I'll look at him. He gently wipes away some tears I hadn't noticed.  
"Matt...this won't turn out the same way, trust me. I can see Gil really likes you and only wants the best for you. He just isn't sure how to go about it right now since you seem so fragile to him. He's afraid that if he says something wrong, you'll do something you'll regret or it will hurt you. And he doesn't want that."  
I slowly nod a little in understanding. "O...Ok..."  
He smiles. "I just think you need to make the first move."  
I blush again. "E-eh?"  
"Well, yeah. It'll show him you're ready to be in a relationship and then you two can be together. Happy together."  
I gulp a little, looking down. "I...I'm not sure if I can."  
"What do you mean you're not sure?"  
"I don't know...how I would go about doing that..."  
"Well, tell him how you feel."  
"How...How I feel?"  
"Yeah. Like, uh...'Hey, Gil, I really like you. We should hang out sometime.' It can be just something simple like that, ya know?"  
"But...what if he doesn't want to. Or says no. O-or.." I started panicking slightly and Al quickly starts shushing me and soothingly and gently rubs my arm until I calm down.  
"You just have to believe in yourself, Mattie."  
I look up at him and it takes a minute for him to slowly nod. "Oh. You don't believe in yourself, do you?" I shake my head a little. He nods. "Well, I believe in you. You can ask him. Tell him. I know you can, OK?"  
"But-"  
"It will be fine. Trust me. I know these things." He smiled.  
"You're sure?"  
"It's one of the things I'm most sure about."  
I slowly nod after a minute. "O-Ok. I suppose...I suppose I could try."  
"There we go. Just keep thinking positive." He smiles happily and ruffles my hair. He sighs a little. "Man, I've missed ya, Mattie."  
"You have?" It seems a little too good to be true to me. Alfred generally ignored me.  
He nodded. "Yeah. Whenever I got by your room, I can't help thinking about you. And whenever I go to school and when I'm in the classes we had together." He sighs softly. "I've really missed ya, bro."  
"I missed you too, Al. I miss being home with you and dad and Francis. ...Do...do they miss me too?"  
Al softly smiles with a little nod. "Yeah. They miss you too. Dad even sets a place for you at dinner sometimes, forgetting you're not there."  
"Then...then can I come back home?"  
"I think only you really know the answer to that."  
I look down a little and slowly shake my head. "Not yet."  
Al nodded. "OK. I'll visit and text ya, OK?"  
I nod a little. "OK. Thank you."  
"Oh, it's no problem. Really. I'd do anything for my brother." He smiles.  
I nod a little, and soon enough Gil comes back.  
"I brought you some food, Birdie." He smiles and sits next to Al. "They're pancakes."  
I perk up a little and they both see it and smile more. "Thanks, Gil."  
"Anything for my little Birdie." He set the food on the small table. "Tell me when you get hungry."  
"But what if you're not here?"  
"I will never leave you. Not ever."  
Al smiles at the both of us. "See, Mattie? What did I tell you?"  
Gil reaches over and ruffles my hair gently. "I'll be here for you. Always."  
"I...I know." I softly tell him, looking up at him.  
"Good." He smiles happily.  
Al looks at his watch and frowns a little. "Damn, I gotta go. But I'll be back later and dad and Francis will come too, OK?"  
I nod a little. "Alright..."  
"We really will. I'll force them to come if I have to." He sees my look and quickly says, "But I won't have to. I won't."  
I nod a little and he smiles, kissing my cheek before going off with a small wave.  
"So that's your brother, huh?" Gil asks. I nod again. "He seems rather nice."  
"I suppose."  
"You suppose? He's all nice and caring and stuff."  
"I suppose."  
He sighs softly and takes my hand again, rubbing gentle circles on the back of it. He looks at the bandages on my arms and I can see the sadness in his eyes. I want to say something about it, but I decide against it.  
After a minute, Gil gently lifts my hand up and puts it against his heart so I feel it beating. He breathes slowly, then softly asks, "You feel that, Birdie?"  
"Yes."  
"I want your heart to beat strong like this, OK? I'm gonna help you and your little heart." I can tell I'm blushing softly and he smiles, kissing my cheek. "Adorable. Just adorable, my little Birdie."

* * *

_((A/N: so sorry for lateness))  
_


	24. Chapter 24

Gil didn't leave, just like he promised. He made sure I was comfortable the whole time we waited for Al to come back.

A few hours later, Gil's stroking my hair and soothingly telling me a story in German. I'm not sure what he's saying, but it sounds nice. I start to fall asleep when the door opens, waking me up. I sleepily look over and see Al, Francis, and dad come in.

"Hey, bro." Al comes over, sitting next to Gil.

"..Hey." I softly tell him as I watch him come over and sit down.

Francis comes over on my other side and brushes some hair behind my ear.

Dad stands by the door for a minute before slowly coming over. Gil starts to leave to give him room, but I look at him, stopping him. I don't want him to leave my side. He nods and stays.

"Matthew." my dad says after a minute. I look at him, worried. I was sure he would get mad at me for doing this. I just didn't know what he would do.

He comes to my bedside and Al moves out of the way for him. I'm scared, sure I'll get yelled at or at least scolded, but then he leans over and hugs me gently. I'm surprised and look at him a little confused.

"I'm sorry." he quietly says. He holds me a little tighter. "Please stop shaking. You'll be OK." I hadn't realized I was shaking until he said I was.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I softly tell him, trying to stop the shaking.

He nods. "Yes I do. I should have been there more for you. I should have paid more attention, I should have-"

"S-stop." I quietly cut him off. "P-please...it's your fault. It's /mine/..."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is. I'm the one who didn't want help. I'm the one who was depressed and didn't say anything. I'm the one who cut myself. I'm the one that smoked the marijuana, I'm the one who refused to do anything about getting bullied-"

"Stop saying that." Gil tells me.

I look up at him. "B-but-"

"No. Stop saying negative things about yourself."

"I-it's t-true though..."

"You have to say good things about yourself too."

I look down at the end of the bed, knowing I couldn't say anything. I couldn't say that there wasn't anything good about me. I didn't want to listen to them arguing that I was.

"You know zhere are you good zhings about you." Francis tells me. I glance over at him. "Really, zhere are."

I stay silent as I look down.

"Please, Mattie. Just one good thing. There has to be something." Al said, looking at me from next to Francis. He had moved to my other side and I glance over at him.  
They wait for me to say something, but I don't, looking down. After a minute that lasted what seemed like forever, tears start forming in my eyes.

"Please don't cry, Birdie." Gil says, gently wiping the tears away. "You don't have to say anything, don't worry. We'll get there. Don't worry." He kisses my cheek and gently strokes my hair again.

"I'm sorry, Mathieu." Francis tells me.

"I-it's OK." I softly tell him.

He looks at me with a soft smile that I notice is sad. It makes me feel a little guilty and I look at the bottom of the bed again.

Gil keeps stroking my hair and that calms me a little bit. Not as calm as he wants, I know that, but he would have to make do with this.

It stays silent for a while, but I don't mind it. It seems more peaceful than usual. Of course, the medicine the doctors had given me may have something to do with it. Al takes my dad out into the hall to talk with him after a few minutes and they stay out there for a while. I don't mind, since it gives me more room.

"Mathieu?" Francis softly asks after a few more minutes. I look over at him, listening. "You...you do know zhat...zhat zhere are good zhings about you...right?"

I look back down again.

"Please, Mathieu...I just have to know if you know zhat."

I don't want to say anything or let him know, but after a minute I slowly shake my head.

"So that's where we start." Gil quietly says. "It's good to have a place to start."

Al and dad come back in then. They looked a little worried. After a minute, dad says, "Is this school working out for you Matthew?" I look up at him a little, frowning slightly. "Because...we'll have to do something else if this isn't working out for you. If this isn't helping..."

Gil holds onto my hand with a worried grip. He looks at me with a worried expression. I look down a little, avoiding looking back at him with a worried expression of my own.

"You don't have to tell me right now, but I'd like an answer by the next time I come to visit tomorrow, OK?"

I slowly nod a little. "O-OK..."

He comes over and gently kisses the top of my head before ruffling my hair a little. "I have to get going since they need me at the office tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nod again. He smiles softly and nods before he leaves. I watch him go before looking back at the foot of the bed.

Gil takes my hand again. "Birdie...I...I don't know how much my opinion means, but...I don't want you to leave. I wanna help you you."

I look over at him and see him looking worriedly back at me.

"I can help you. I promise you I can."

"Gil...Don't bother him. He needs to think." Al tells him.

"I know. I just don't want him to go."

"Well, I want him back home."

"Well, it's not up to you to decide, is it?"

"Guys, cut it out." Francis stops them. "Don't make zhis 'arder for 'im."

They both stop and glare at each other a little before Al finally gives in first and says, "Fine."

"Fine then." Gil says after he does. I just watch the three of them as they had talked and now they look back at me.

"Well, I 'ave to be going. Sorry I couldn't stay longer." He kissed my cheek and Al says bye to me too before he leaves. Then it's just me and Gil again. I look up at him again.

"I'll never leave you, Birdie, OK? Even if you decide you don't want to stay here, I'll sneak out and get in the car with you. I'm not going to be away from you."

I nod a little. So, no matter what I chose, someone will be there to always notice me. That was an up. Gil always seemed to notice me in the time I've known him.

He smiled. "Good. You should get some sleep now though." I nod a little again and he starts stroking my hair again. He starts up the story again in German and I listen a little again before slipping into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

I sleep through the night without any nightmares or dreams again, and I'm glad for it. I wake up sometime the next morning but keep my eyes closed, knowing Gil was there. I still needed some time to think about this. I didn't know if I should really stay at the school or not. I don't see what could help now. The school wasn't helping. Francis couldn't help me. Alfred couldn't help me. I doubt dad could.

Gil was a different story though. I felt something inside me when he talked to me and though we met not too long ago, he seems to have total confidence in me. And he's the one who brought me here and who gave me the strength to overpower that voice, even if it was only temporary. And what's more, I don't feel as down when I'm around him. And Gil is at the school.

I slowly open my eyes after a while of debating with myself and making my choice. Gil is sitting right next to my bed again with my hand in his. He's asleep this time, but I know he was up a lot looking over me. I was glad he never left me.

I looked to the ceiling and sighed softly. I slowly and carefully brought Gil's hand up to my chest and held his hand with both of mine. He was really pale, even compared to me. And people always said I was pale when they noticed me. I took the time now to really look over Gil, having nothing else to really do. He really does have perfect skin, not a blemish or freckle to be seen. It was really pale, almost to the point of being white as paper. His hair is whiter and is messed up a little more than usual. I liked it though. It looked nice that way. I tried to remember exactly what his eyes looked like when I suddenly saw deep crimson orbs looking into my own blue-violet ones. I feel myself blushing and quickly look away to the end of the bed.

"Kesesese. Looking over the awesome, Birdie?" He ruffles my hair gently with his free hand. "It's alright, I don't mind." I just nod a little. He gently takes my chin in his hand and slowly and gently turns my head so I'll look at him again. He looks into my eyes and smiles. "Can you say something for me?" I give him a questioning look and he explains. "I want to hear your voice again. Just to make sure you still have it."

I look at him for a little minute, a bit confused. To make sure I still have it? "What do you mean?"

He smiles happily and gently nuzzles me a little bit. "I just love hearing your voice."

I blush and look down at the end of the bed again.

"Are you hungry, Birdie? I could go get some food for us...or text someone to bring us food. Yeah, I'll have someone bring us food." He got his phone out and asked, "You want pancakes? I'm in a mood for some pancakes."

"That would be nice." I softly tell him. He smiles and nods, texting somebody. Then he looks back to me.

"Francis will be here soon. And your dad's coming with him." His smile fades for a moment, but it quickly comes back. "So, I guess you need to have a choice by the time he gets here. But, I'm fine with whatever you choose, OK?"

I nod a little, but I can tell he wants me to stay with him at the school and not leave. "Alright."

He smiles and kisses my cheek, just getting my blush to deepen. He laughs that unique laugh of his. "Your blush is adorable." I look down when he says that.

**Gil POV**

I smile happily at Birdie as he shyly looks down, his cheeks all red. He's so adorable. Though I'm extremely worried that he'll leave the school to get help from some fancy professional. But I'm sure I could help him better than a professional could. They only thing they have that I don't is some stupid degree. And some of them suck at their job.

I focus back on Birdie and he's shyly looking at me. "Yes?"

He shook his head a little and looked down a little.

"Aw, come on. I won't bite."

"It was nothing. R-really."

I nod a little, not pushing it farther at the moment. "All right. If you say so." I brush some hair behind his ear.

We wait a few minutes before the door to his room opens and Francis and Birdie's dad come in. "Hey guys."

"Hey." his dad says as he comes in, standing at the foot of Birdie's bed. I don't think he sees it intimidates him a little, but I can tell when his grip on my hand tightens a little. "So...do you know what you want to do?"

Francis came over and stood by me. He was holding some boxes and I could smell the food inside them. Even though I was hungry, I didn't waste time thinking food, too eager to hear Birdie's decision. He had nodded to his dad's question.

"Well...what'll it be?"

He looked down a little, holding my hand a little tighter. "I...I want to st-stay at the sch-school...if that's OK..."

I smile widely and can't keep myself from happily hugging him and gently nuzzling him again. I know he's probably a bright red, but I don't really care. I'm just so happy he wants to stay at the school with me. Even if it wasn't to be with me. I look up in time to see his dad nod.

"Alright. If that's what you want to do, I won't stand in your way." He looks to me and gives me a look that tells me I better help him like I had promised. I nodded. I would never dream on going back on my promise. I want Birdie to be better again about as much as anyone else in the room, and maybe more.

"Thank you." Birdie softly says. I can feel him relax a little and I smile happily, bringing his hand close to me again.

I look to his dad. "Thank you."

"If he thinks this will help, I won't stop him."

I smile happily and Francis sits down next to me. "Now zhat we are all 'appy, 'ow about some food?"

"Awesome! I'm starved!"

Francis chuckles and starts to get out the food, which is of course pancakes, like I asked for. I look to Birdie's dad to see him starting to leave.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"I have to go to work. I'll be back afterwards." He waved and Birdie waved back a little, Francis said he'd see him later as he continued to get the food from the boxes out.

"I know zhey are not as good as when you make zhem, but I 'ope they are good enough." he told Birdie.

He nodded a little. "I'm sure they'll be fine."

Francis smiles a little sadly and nods, starting to eat. We all eat in silence for a while then, but it's more of a peaceful silence, not an awkward one. I'm glad for that. I look at Birdie as we eat and I make a mental note to switch rooms. I'm sure Roddy with be OK with it, and if not...well, I don't really care.

* * *

_A/N: some questions had been asked before that I forgot to answer. Why is Rodrich there? well, I just needed him there for that one part, so it doesn't really matter why. if it bothers you, use your imagination. And it was also wondered if Gil, Francis, and Toni all understood each other when they speak their native language. A little. They don't know all three languages, but they taught each other when they went to school together, so it's like they had taken a year's worth of classes for each of the other languages. Sorry i forgot got to the questions so late  
_


	26. Chapter 26

Francis stays for a while after we finish eating. I can tell Birdie likes that he's staying and he talks with him. I can see some happiness starting to show in his eyes and it makes me smile as we talk and enjoy each other's company. But, like every good thing so far, Francis has to leave.

"I need to be getting to work." Francis says.

Birdie nods a little. "Ok."

"Alright. You'll be back later?" I ask.

"But of course. I wouldn't leave my cousin alone for long." For long. I haven't left him except to use the bathroom and I was planning on keeping it that way. But I only nod.

"Awesome."

He smiles. "I'll see you two later." He kisses Birdie's cheek, says bye again, and then leaves.

I look back to Birdie, his hand still in mine. He looks back at me. "You Ok?" I've made it a point to ask him that every few hours, just to make sure he was.

He nods a little. "Yeah. I am."

I smile. "Good." He just nods a little again. I rub gentle circles in the back of his hand with my thumb again. "I hope you know everything is going to be OK. Because I'm going to make sure it is." He nods a little again. I keep smiling for him, knowing he either won't or can't yet.

"Gil?" he softly asks after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"...What will happen...when we get back to school?"

"Well, first thing that'll happen us that I'm going to move into your room with you. Then we're gonna go to our classes and all and it will be like a normal day. Then we'll come back to our room and I'll help you with stuff."

"Like what?"

I shrug. "Anything you need help with. Cuz I'm going to always be there for you. Whenever you need me."

"Really? Wh-whenever?"

I nod. "Really. Awesome wouldn't lie to you."

He nods a little. "Ok.."

"I promise, Birdie." I kiss his cheek and smile at his light blush. "I'll help make things better." I smile happily at him and I can tell he's thinking about trying to smile back at me. My smile widens. "You'll get it soon enough." I assure him.

He nods a little. "I'm sure I will."

I'm sure that's the first thing I've heard from him that's actually hopeful and he says it confidently for him.

"Good. That'll be one of the things I'll help you with."

"Thank you."

"There's no need to thank me. It's something I wanna do."

He looks down and I think I see the ghost of a smile cross his face. I feel a happiness cross me that I haven't felt before. I smile happily and gently hug him. He tenses a little at the hug, but gently wraps his arms around me in a gentle hug.

The time passes in a comfortable silence after that. When I saw Birdie was starting to get a little uncomfortable with the silence, I turned the tv on. I don't know what's on really, but I don't really care. Birdie watches it a little, but I noticed he was only half paying attention.

A few hours or so later of the tv being on in the background, the door opens. I thought it would be Francis, Al, or Birdie's dad, but it's a doctor instead. I don't leave Birdie's side, holding his hand. He looks over at the doctor a little too.

"Could you please leave for a few moments?" he asks me. It seems like he doesn't exactly want to be polite to me, so I glare at him. He softly sighs a little. "I know you don't want to leave him and you'll just force us to make you stay, but I'm not asking you to leave the hospital. Just leave the room for a little while. No on e's allowed in here at all right now."

"Well, you're in here."

He deadpans and points to the door. "Just a few minutes is all I'm asking. You can come back in afterwards, _sir._" He says 'sir' like he can't believe he's calling me that.

I look over at Birdie and he nods a little, letting me know he'll be fine if I go for the few minutes.

"Alright." I softly say, leaning over and gently kissing his forehead. He blushes a little more than before, probably because someone else is in the room. I smile at him and then stand up. "You better not do anything wrong." I tell the doctor before reluctantly leaving the room.

I don't bother going down to the waiting room as the door is closed behind me. I sigh softly and lean against the wall opposite Birdie's room. I can't see anything since they closed the curtains in front of the windows.

I wonder what the doctor is doing in there and I can't help but have a bad feeling about this. I'm lost in my thoughts and not paying attention to anything when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey!" I look over, coming out if my thoughts only to see it's Francis. "Oh, it's just you."

He nods. "Oui. Just me. I told you I would be back, no? But, why are you out 'ere and not with Mathieu?"

"Uh, the doctor kicked me out, saying no one could be in for a few minutes."

"A few moments?"

I nod. "Yeah, why?"

"When did 'e tell you to leave?"

I shrug a little. "I don't know. Maybe three or something. Why?"

"It's six."

"Six?!"

He nods. "Oui, six."

"I've been lost in my thoughts for three _hours?_?!" I start panicking. "Why wouldn't they tell me? They should have got me when they were done! I swore I wouldn't leave him and now I'm out here in the hall-" I look to the window and door opposite me to still see the curtains closed and I can tell the door is locked. "They didn't come out yet?" I weakly ask.

He shakes his head. "I don't know. I just got 'ere only a few minutes ago."

I nod and go to the the door. My bad feeling is back as I come closer. I can tell something is wrong with Birdie, I just don't know what. I'm certain he needs me though. I know he does.

I put my hand on the doorknob and see I'm shaking a little. Was I scared or something? No. No, awesome can't get scared. But Birdie was. He was scared and alone and I need to be there with him, _now!_

I take a deep breath to steady myself before turning the knob and pulling on it. But it wouldn't open. I tried again, only to have the same result.

"_Dammit! _They locked the door." I growl.

"Well, what do you expect? This is a 'opsital, Gil."

"...I know. But I know he needs me in there with him right now. And I could care less about the rules because of that."

Francis sighs a little. "You're overreacting, Gil. They're only 'elping 'im. You know that. 'E'll be fine."

"What if he's not, though? What if he's not fine, Francis? What if something happens? What if-"

"Calm yourself, Gilbert. Trust me. Trust the doctors. Mathieu will be just fine."

I'm silent, looking down a little before slowly nodding. I softly tell him, "Alright. Ok. As long as he's fine."

Francis nods with a soft smile. " 'E will be." he assures me.


	27. Chapter 27

It seems like we wait for hours after that, but the clock and Francis tell me it's only about a half hour before the door opens and the doctor comes out. I go right up to him.

"What happened? Is he OK? What did you do? Why didn't you get me? That wasn't a few minutes, bastard!"

Francis pulls me away from the doctor as I glare at him.

"He'll be give." the doctor tells me.

"That doesn't tell me shit!"

"Calm down, you can't go in there if you're going to yell."

"Yeah, well it's not him I'm yelling at!"

"I understand that. But you still have to stop yelling."

I don't respond and just glare at him. He continues after a moment.

"Thank you. Now, your friend seems to be fine. We're not too sure what happened, but it seems everything is normal. He is just depressed, but we can get him some medicine for that."

"What about the voice in his head?!"

"It seems to have gone away. It was just his worries talking in his head, it seems, but the anti-depressants will keep that under control."

I have a bad feeling that it's not just that but I nod anyway, wanting to see Birdie. "Alright. Fine. If he's ok when can he leave then?"

"If everything goes well overnight, he can leave tomorrow morning."

"Alright. Thank you."

He nods and leaves off down the hallway. I glare after him a little before going into the room, finding Birdie just as I left him. I sigh in relief and sit down next to him again.

"Hey, Birdie. You alright?"

He nods a little. "Yeah. I think so."

I smile a little. "Good. The doctor told me you can leave tomorrow morning if everything's OK."

He nods again. "Ok."

"Bonjour, Mathieu." Francis says, coming into the room.

Birdie looks up a little at him with a soft, "Hi."

Francis smiles and sits next to me. "Your father won't be able to get 'ere until late. 'E 'as to work late again."

"Alright."

"Birdie?" I ask. He looks over at me again, giving me his attention. "I'm sorry I couldn't come back sooner. I couldn't be here for you."

"That's alright. It wasn't your fault you couldn't get back sooner. The doctor locked the door."

"I know he did. ...What did he do to you? It was, like, ten hours."

"About three and a half." Francis corrects me.

I look over at him. "Huh?"

"It was only three and a half hours."

"...oh." I look to Birdie again. "It was three and a half hours."

"He only ran some tests." he softly tells me. "It was only going to be for a few minutes, but I think he may have found something. He said he wanted to run a few more tests and one took a while, but when they were done, the results appeared to be good."

I nod a little. "Ok. That's all that happened?"

He nods, letting me know that was all.

I sigh in relief. So it seemed like my bad feeling was for nothing. But if it was,...why do I still have it a bit?

"I'm going to leave when your dad gets here so I can move my stuff to your room, ok

He looks at me and I can tell he doesn't want me to leave, but he just nods again. "Alright."

I smile at him and take his hand again. "I'll be back as soon as I can be." I assure him, only to get another nod. I gently rub the back if his hand again.

Francis looks over at the both of us. Birdie looks at him, but keeps holding my hand.

"Mathieu?" Birdie doesn't say anything, but he continues to look at him, so Francis continues. "Here. Alfred thought you may want this." He hands Birdie an envelope without an address. Birdie takes the envelope but doesn't open it.

"...Thanks, Francis." he softly tells him.

"What's in the envelope?" I ask after a minute, curious.

"Nothing really." he softly tells me. Alright, so I suppose he won't tell me. That's fine, as long as it's nothing bad. I doubt his brother would send him anything like that though. Then a thought comes to me.

"Why couldn't he bring that here himself?" I ask Francis. But oddly enough, he's not the one who answers me.

"It's like a game we used to play when we were younger." Birdie softly tells me.

"A game?"

He nods. "Yeah. We used to share a room when we were younger, but when we moved, there were enough rooms for us to have our own. I wasn't used to sleeping alone then and I scared me. Even though we were young, Alfred knew I had to learn to sleep on my own. So, one day he said to me, 'Mattie, I have an idea. Lets play a game.' So, I just decided to go with it. He said we would pretend to be adult living in different houses. I told him it didn't seem like a fun idea, but he said that that wasn't the fun part. He said the fun part was that we would write to each other like adults did, even though neither of us could right then. I went along with it anyway. So, every night, about the time we would go to our rooms to go to bed, Alfred would sneak out of his room with a piece of paper with his attempted letter and slide it under my door. He was always the one to sneak out of his room. I would read his letter to the best of my ability, respond, and pass it back under the door. We would do that ever night until I fell asleep. We did that for about three or four months after we moved. But then when one of us was gone for a long while, like at the doctor's for a while or if one of us went to camp, he would start it up again for a few days. And then when I got sick and had to go to the doctor's for a day, he would put a letter on my bed for when I came back. About halfway though middle school, though... he just stopped."

He looks at the envelope again, holding it gently but firmly like it was a fragile dream he didn't want to lose. "I can't believe he remembered."

"So he couldn't come himself, then?" I guess after a minute.

He nods. "Yeah. I guess he couldn't and this is his apology."

" 'E wanted to come." Francis tells him.

Birdie nods. "Alright,"

I still think Alfred should have come himself though.


	28. Chapter 28

Birdie's dad comes in after a while of talking about little things that didn't matter but was just something to talk about. We look up when his dad comes in.  
"How are you feeling?" he asks, sitting by the bed.  
"Ok." Birdie softly says.  
"I should get going." I tell them. I lean over and kiss Birdie's forehead, getting him to blush. I smile. "I'll be back soon." I tell him before getting up. "Francis?" He looks over. "Are you staying or coming?"  
"I think I will stay with Mathieu." he tells me.  
I nod. "Alright. I'll see you guys later then."  
I go to the door and was about to walk out when I realize something. Toni drove me here. I turn around and look to Francis.  
"Can I borrow your car?"  
He sighs softly but takes out his keys. "You pay for any damages, OK?"  
I nod, taking his keys. "When has the awesome me ever done something like that?"  
He looks at me, knowing I know the answer to that. And it would be more times than someone would like. But I have a reason to be focused this time.  
I leave the hospital and go to find Francis's car in the parking lot. It doesn't take long to find it, luckily. It's not the car I would prefer to be caught driving, but it would get me to school and back to the hospital.  
I sigh softly as I get into the cat and start the engine. I can't ignore the smell of wine as I pull out of the parking lot and start driving. So, I roll down the windows and speed down the streets back to school.  
Soon enough, I get there and find a place to park. I get out of the car just to see that there hasn't been any changes to the school. No one noticed we were gone. How disappointing. Well, I was only planning on moving my things to Birdie's room anyway.  
I go back into the school and go down to my room. Luckily Rodrich isn't there when I get there. Probably studying for something. I shrug at my thoughts, not really caring, and get my things together. So, basically just throwing everything of mine into a few suitcases and hoping it fits.  
I manage to get everything into two suitcases except a few spare things that I could carry. I smile at my work and take the few items and two suitcases and bring them to Birdie's room. I'm glad the door was unlocked. I easily go into the room, frowning softly when I look over at the bathroom.  
The room doesn't feel like a place someone would want to stay. It feels dark even though the window is open to let light in during the day. I'll fix that though. This is going to be transformed into an awesome room.  
I put my things down on the empty bed on the left side of the room. I turn around and come face to face with a small polar beat. Well, it's sitting on Birdie's bed and looking at me anyway. I get over the initial shock and smile.  
"And who are you, little guy?" I remember Birdie telling me he had a pet polar bear. Too bad I don't remember his name.  
"I'm Kumajirou. Who are you?"  
I all but freak out there as I look at the small bear.  
"Did you...just...talk?" I ask him.  
He nods. "Yeah. I just said, who are you?" he repeats.  
I stare at him for a moment before grinning.  
"Do you know how _awesome_ that is? You can talk!_ Damn_, I wish Gilbird could talk, that would be so awesome too! So you're Birdie's bear?"  
"Who?"  
"Matthew?"  
"Who?" he asks again.  
"Matthew Williams. He has blonde hair, glasses, violetish eyes..." The bear just gives me the same clueless look. I sigh. "The guy who sleeps in this room...?" He still looks confused. "Whatever."  
"What are you doing here?" he asks, changing the subject.  
"I'm moving in with you two."  
"Why?"  
"To keep an eye on Birdie."  
"Who?"  
The only reason I don't wring the little bear's neck is because he's Birdie's pet.  
"Well, I'm going to go back to the hospital." I tell him, not too sure why I do though.  
"Why?"  
"To visit Birdie."  
"Can I come?"  
"He'll be back tomorrow."  
"Pleeeeaaaasseee?"  
I sigh. "Alright, alright. You can come."  
"Yay."  
I sigh softly again. "Ok. Come on then."  
"No."  
"What? You make a fuss about coming and then you don't want to? What's wrong with you?"  
"Carry me."  
"...Only because you're Birdie's." I pick him up and bring him out to Francis's car with a feeling a may have forgotten something, but I ignore it.  
**Mattie POV**  
I shift a little, making myself more comfortable against the pillows. Gil left about an hour ago and Francis and Dad haven't left. The letter from Al is under my pillow.  
"So you didn't have a nightmare last night?" Dad asks.  
"No. I didn't even dream at all. And the doctor said that with the medicine I shouldn't have bad dreams like that again." I softly tell him. He nods.  
"That's good. I'm glad to hear it."  
I nod a little. "Yeah."  
"Gil promised everything will be OK, so don't worry." Francis tells me, probably thinking I was worried. And I still am. " 'E is good at keeping 'is word."  
I silently nod, hoping that he's right.  
Francis gives me a reassuring smile, trying to help me not worry. It works a little.  
Soon enough, though, Francis has to leave, but he tells me that he'll be back early the next morning. I nod a little. That leaves me alone with dad.  
"So, did you get that letter from Al?" he asks me. "He wanted to make sure you got it."  
I nod. "Yeah, I got it."  
"I suppose you haven't read it yet?" he says with a smile.  
"You know the rules, Dad. You have to read it when you're alone."  
"And you haven't been alone while you've been awake."  
"Exactly." I pause a little moment. "I wonder what made him remember..." I softly mumble a bit.  
"He really misses you being at home. He looks into your room every morning and night like he expects you to be there. I guess that just reminded him about what you guys used to do when you missed each other a lot."  
I nod a little. "That would make sense." I softly say.  
He nods and I catch him glancing at the clock on the wall.  
"You have to go?" I wondered.  
He looks back to me and shakes his head. "No, no. I don't have to go just yet."  
I nod a little. "Alright."  
It's silent for a minute or so before Dad decides to break it.  
"So,...how about that Gil kid?"  
"What about him?" I ask, looking up at him.  
"Well, I suppose he'd be good looking..."  
I blush, wondering why he had to ask that.  
"W-we're just friends, Dad." I manage to mumble out.  
"Really? Well, I'm glad you managed to make a friend."  
My blush deepens a little and I look down to hide it. "Y-yeah." I glance at the door, hoping Gil would come back.  
"But I just thought maybe you two where together. ...You don't have a crush on him, do you?"  
"Dad..."  
He sees my read face and gives an apologetic smile. "Right. None of my business. Sorry."  
"...Why did you even want to know?" I softly ask after a minute.  
"Oh. Well, I know your mother would have, so..."

I nod a little. "Oh. OK."

Mom would have wanted to know about my life and would have wanted to be involved in it. Dad was just trying to be like she would have been. He used to do it when she first went.

A few minutes later, I hear people argueeing as they come down the hall. The voices sound familar and I find out why when Gil comes into the room hoding Kuma.

"Is there a-" Gil starts to ask before Kuma cuts him off.

"Cancoon!" He jumps out of Gil's arms and comes over, managing to get up on the hospital bed and come over to me. I gently pet him as he curls up close to me.

Gil comes over and sits down on the chair closer to me and next to Dad.

"I missed you." Kuma says, looking up at me.

"It's all right. You're here now."

Dad glances at the clock again and Gil notices.

"Have to be somewhere?" Gil asks.

"Well... I have to go into work early tomorrow..."

"Then you should get going. You live kinda far away."

"Yeah, but... wait. How doyou know where I live?"

Gil looks at him like the answer was obvious. "Francis told me."

Dad sighs. "I shoul have know."

Gil nods. "Yeah. Well, you should be going then. Birdie will be safe with me here."

Dad looks at him a little skeptically before nodding. "All right." Then he looks to me. "I'll see you soon. Hopefully it won't be for the same reason."

I nod a little, holding Kuma on my lap. "OK."

He leaves to go off back home then. I watch him go through the door.

Kuma yawns and curls up into my lap, falling asleep. I continue to pet him.

Gil looks over.

"Hey, Birdie?" he asks. I look up at him. "When we were coming here, he kept telling to go faster to get to Canada. Do you know what that's about?"

I nod a bit. "Yeah. I tell him I'm Canada."

"How come? That's a country...I think."

"Yes, it is a country. And, it was actually my mom's idea. She saw Kuma couldn't remember my name. He couldn't even remember 'Matt'. So, she said I should have some fun with it. Tell him I was different people or places. I had last told him I was Canada before she died, so I've been telling him that I'm Canada ever since."

He nods. "Oh. Well that makes more sense than having him wanting me to drive him all the way to Canada."

I nod a little. "Yeah. He actually said 'Canada' though?"

"Uh, yeah, he did. Why?"

"Because he never remembered even that."

"He did today." he tells me with a smile.

I nod a little. "That's good. He finally remembered."

"Yeah." Gil looks around a little before turning his attention back to me. "It's starting to get late. You should get some sleep."

I look up at him. "Probably."

He strokes my hair a bit. "Yeah. And tomorrow we get to go back to school. I mean, it's not what most people would think as a 'good thing' since it's school and all, but it's better than being stuck here all day, right?"

"Yeah. I suppose it will be."

"It will be. It will be much better." he assures me. "Now, get some sleep, OK?"

"You'll stay with me, right?" I softly ask him.

He smiles. "Ja, of course. I'll stay with you, Birdie."

"Thank you." I softly say, reaching up and gently taking his hand. He holds my hand and smiles down at me until I fall asleep with my one hand in Gil's and my other hand on Kuma.


	29. Chapter 29

The next morning I wake up from a dreamless sleep when I feel my face being poked. I slowly open my eyes to see Kuma looking down at me and, sure enough, he was poking my face with his paw.

"Good, you're awake." He sits don on my chest. "I'm hungry."

"You're hungry?" I ask softly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Yes."

"Well, I can't really get up at the moment."

"Are you coming back today?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'm coming back."

"Good." He gets up off my chest and curls up next to me to take a nap. I look over and see Gil is asleep and still holding my hand. I decide that now's a good time as any to read the letter from Al.

I reach under my pillow with my free hand and take the evenlope out from under it. It takes me a minute to take the letter out with only my one hand, but I manage to do it and unfoldthe paper. Al's writing manages to take up about half the page since he decided to write big.

_Mattie- First I cant belive I managed to think about this again. But I did. Sorry I couldnt come today or the day Francis gave u the letter. I was pulled inta doin some-thing with Artie. You know how he is. But I went you're room and I realized I miss you here. Like a lot. Im gonna try to come visit you more, but i dunno how that'll work out. Ill call everyday though. Hero's promise._

I go over the letter a few tmes, noticing the mistakes he made, but I decide to ignore them. Not having a pen or pencil, I fold the paper back up and put it back in the envelope, managing to do that after a minute or teo. I put it back under my pillow just as Gil starts waking up.

He stretches a little as he wakes up and rubs the sleep from his eyes before looking at me. He smiled softly. "How'd you sleep?" he asks.

"Alright." I softly tell him.

"So that means you didn't have a nightmare, right?"

"I didn't have a nightmare or a dream."

"Well, that's good. I'm glad you're not having nightmares anymore."

I nod a little. "Yeah." Though, I'm scared that once I leave the hospital I'll start having nightmares again and that everything will go back to normal. Or how it was before. Even with Gil there.

"So you finally get to leave today. And I'm in your room with you now. Pretty awesome, right?"

I nod a little. "Yeah."

He smiles reassuringly. "Don't you worry, OK? You have nothing to worry about anymore."

I shake my head a little. "You're wrong there. I have a lot to worry about."

"No. You don't. Because I'm going to be there whenever you need me or whenever you need someone. I'll help you in whatever way I can, alright? And everything will be better. I promise, alright?"

I slowly nod a little, trying to believe him. "Alright."

He kisses my cheek. "Good." He smiles at my blush. "I just absolutly love your blush." I feel myself blushing more and I try to hide it, only to have Gil gently put his hand under my chin and has me look at him. "Don't hide. It's selfish."

"Selfish? How?" I softly ask.

"Because if you hide, you're keeping your beauty to yourself."

I feel myself blush a little more, but I don't want him to leave like I wanted my dad to when he made me blush. He smiles.

"So, as soon as Francis comes, we can leave."

"...And everything will start to get better?" I softly ask. His smile widens.

"Yeah. Everything will start to get better. I'll make sure nothing bad happens to you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Kuma woke up soon after and looks at us. I look back at him and he comes over to me and sits down closer to me.

"I'm still hungry." he tells me.

"I know you are, but I don't have any food right now." I softly tell him.

"What can he eat anyway?" Gil asks.

We both look over and Kuma answers. "Whatever he feeds me."

"Which is actually a lot." I softly clarify.

"So I'm guessing that wouldn't be polar bear food, would it?"

I shake my head. "That's crazy. Even if they had that, I wouldn't get that for him. He usually eats what I do. Or at least a bit or it."

Gil looks at me as if what I was saying was the crazy thing before nodding a little. "OK. I suppose that makes sense then."

"Yeah."

"So, do _you_ have any food?" Kuma asks, turning to look at Gil, who laughs a little.

"No, sorry. Awesome didn't think to bring any food."

Kuma glares a little. "It would have been 'awesome' if you had."

That gets the smile off Gil's face for a moment. Kuma must have given him a hard time on the way here. I can tell they don't like each other by the way they're glaring.

"You'll just have to wait then, won't you?"

Kuma glares at him but stays quiet and lies down again.

I sigh softly and look to Gil. He stops glaring at Kuma and looks at me instead.

"I'm sure Francis will be here soon."

I nod a little. "Yeah. He said he would get here early." I pause a moment, then ask him, "Do you know what time it is?"

"Yeah..." He pulls out his phone and looks at the time. "It's nearly eight. Wow, I actually woke up kinda early."

"What time do you normally wake up then?"

"Twelve if no one bothers me."

"Twelve?"

He nods. "Yeah. Twelve."

"Just like my brother."

He doesn't seem to like that, tensing a little. "Just...like your brother?"

I nod a little. "Yeah, sorry. I'm not trying to say you two are alike or anything."

"I know. I know..."

I glance over, really feeling sorry for comparing the two.

Luckily, Francis comes back soon enough, coming through the door with a smile. "OK. I got you all signed out and you're ready to go back." he says with a smile. Gil and I both look over at him. Gil smiles happily, then looks back to me.

"Isn't that great, Birdie?"

I nod a little. "Yeah. It is."

Francis smiles. "They gave me your prescription so I'll get that and ring it to you as soon as it's ready, alright?" I nod a little.

A doctor comes in soon after that. It was the same doctor as before. Gil glared at him and held my hand protectivly. I look over at him. "Gil?"

"It's all right, Gil." I softly tell him.

"He's right. I'm only here to check on him a final time before letting him go."

Gil continues to glare at him but nods. "Fine. But I'm staying here with him."

"That's fine."

"It better be."

The doctor sighs doing a few simple tests to make sure I'm alright physically. When he's sure I am, the wires are unhooked and he tells me I'm free to go. He looks at Francis a little and he looks back at him. It's as if they're sharing a mental conversation.

I sit up in bed and Gil helps me stand up. "I'm fine." I softly tell him.

"I'm still worried about you though." he softly tells me.

"I know you are."

"Well, let's get going then, OK?"

I nod a little. "Alright."

He smiles and takes my hand, leading me out of the hospital. Kuma follows close by me and Francis came over with us soon after.

"So the doctor have anything to tell you?" Gil asks him. Francis glances at me and shakes his head.

"Not particularly."

Gil nods. "Then let's get the hell outta here."

"Yeah, it will be a nice change, no?"

"It's the same as it's been before."

Francis just shakes his head and leads us back to his car in the nearly empty parking lot.


	30. Chapter 30

One the ride back to school, Francis and Gil talk the whole time. Gil sits in the back with me, probably to make sure I'm OK. I look out the window during the drive, lost in my own thoughts as Kuma sits on my lap. I can tell Gil keeps glancing over at me every now and then, but I only notice it once or twice. I'm too worried to think.

I watch the scenery go by without seeing any of it. I keep thinking of what could happen if the voice comes back or if something goes wrong or if Francis doesn't get my medication or if I'm left alone again or if I start having nightmares again-

"Birdie?"

I'm snapped back out of my thoughts when Gil turns my head towards him, getting my attention.

"Eh?"

"Are you OK? You where shaking.."

"I was?"

He nods. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. What were you thinking about though?"

I look down. "Nothing really..."

"Come on, it had to have been _something_."

"It wasn't important."

"Please, stop saying that Birdie. I bet everything you think is important, OK? Everything you do is too."

I shake my head. "It wasn't."

He gently lifts my chin so I'll look at him again.

"You were shaking. That means you were scared."

"I could have been cold."

He smiles a little. "It's not cold in here, Birdie." He takes my hand again and moves a little closer to me. "What were you thinking about?"

"I-it wasn't anything."

"Please, Birdie?"

I shake my head again. He holds my hand in both of his.

"OK. You don't have to tell me. But I want you to know I'm always going to be here for you, alright?"

I just not a little.

The rest of the ride to school goes by pretty quietly. Gil keeps holding my hand and talking with Francis though. The school comes into view soon enough.

"Well, we're here." Francis tells us as he parks. Gil groans a little and Francis looks back at him.

"OK, OK. I guess it's a good thing." Gil says, but he's obviously not happy about it.

I look over at him a little and he smiles softly. "Well, we should be getting back in, huh?" he asks.

"...Yeah. I suppose."

Gil looks back to Francis. "Are you coming too?"

"No. I 'ave to get back. But I'll call, OK?"

"Alright. Well, come on, Birdie."

I nod a little and get out of the car, followed by Gil and Kuma. We wave as Francis backs out and drives away. Kuma goes off to the forest, probably to go look for some food. He knows where my room is and he'll come back. He always does.

"Well, let's go." Gil says as he takes my hand and starts leading towards the building. I look down as we walk, watching my feet and the ground. Gil looks back at me and softly says, "No need to be so down all the time, ya know." I only shrug a little and continue to follow him.

We walk down the hallway a little more before Gil stops. I look up a little. There's another person standing there. He has a kind of cowlick, but it's bigger than Al's. He looks as if he seems he's superior to everyone. He stands with his arms crossed, glaring at Gil.

"Well?" he asks.

"Well what?" Gil asks.

"What is your explination for leaving? I come back to our room to find that all of your things are gone. No note or anything to tell me what happened."

Gil looks at him for a minute before he straightens a little as if he remembered something. "Oh! _That's_ what I forgot!" He laughs a little nervously. "I meant to tell you, I'm moving in with Matt."

"Who?"

Gil gestures to me. "Matt."

The other nods. "Oh. So you're the one then?"

I hide behind Gil a little and nod a bit.

Gil wraps his arm around me. "No need to be shy, Birdie." I just look down a little.

The other guy sighs. "Alright. Just...leave me a note or something next time."

Gil nods. "Alright."

The other person leaves and Gil continues walking to my, or our, room with me following.

"Who was he?" I softly ask him.

"Oh, he's just my Austrian cousin, Rodrich."

I nod a little. "Oh."

"Yeah."

Soon enough, we get to the room. Gil opens the room and walks in. I stay outside, looking in a little. He turns around and looks to me. "Well, come on." I just stay where I am though. He looks at me, confused for a minute before he thinks he gets it.

"Oh. You're a little freaked out about coming back in here since...that happened in here, huh?"

I nod a little, looking down.

Gil comes out and gives me a gentle hug. "It's all right, Birdie. I'm here now. So everything will be OK. I'll protect you." He kisses the top of my head. "I promise."

I slowly nod a little. "OK."

He smiles and takes my hand, leading me into the room again. I don't look at the bathroom and we get over to the beds. He brings us over to mine since the other one that's going to be his is covered in his things. We sit down and he wraps his arm around me. "So, everything'll be Ok now."

I slowly nod a little again, but I still don't believe it. He pulls me closer to him. "Don't worry. Please. You're going to have your medicine tomorrow and then everything will be OK. I promise."

I look up at him a little doubtfully.

"How can you promise something that you don't know will happen? It's like promising a lie."

"Except for this. I will make sure everything is OK, so everything _will_ be OK. So my promise stands, ja?"

I shrug a little. "I suppose..."

He smiles and kisses my cheek. "We're getting there." He stands up. "So...I need to get my stuff together...what time is it?"

I glance over at the clock on the table. "Almost noon."

"Noon, huh? Alright. We'll get my stuff together and then we'll do something fun, OK?"

"Something...fun?"

He nods with a smile. "Yeah, something fun." He kisses my forehead. "Alright?"

I know I won't have much of a choice in the matter so I nod a little. "Alright."

He smiles. "Good. That's the spirit!" He takes my hand and pulls me up. "Now...could you help me get my stuff together here?"

I sigh softly and nod. "Yeah, sure."


	31. Chapter 31

It takes us a few hours to get all of Gil's things together and put just where he wants them to be. He said that all of his things have to be in the perfect spot or the world will be out of balance. Of course, I just went along with it to humor him. It doesn't make much of a difference to me.

Once we're finally finished, Gil lets out a sigh and falls back onto his bed, grabbing me by my waist and pulling me down with him.

"There. This room is now awesome." He tells me with a grin.

I nod a little. "Yeah."

He turns onto his side and faces me. "Come on, Birdie. Put some more emotion into your voice."

I look over at him. "You know why I won't."

"You won't? Meaning that you can?"

"No. I…I can't."

"Well, sure you can. And you do. Sometimes. But you always put the bad emotions in."

"The bad emotions?" I look over at him.

"Well…yeah. The bad emotions. You know, like sadness, despair, anger, even though you don't use that, emotions like that."

"Oh. Well…those are really the only emotions I feel…"

"The only emotions you feel. People are capable of feeling more than that."

"Then am I not human?"

"Of course you're human. You just…you just need a reason to feel the other emotions." He sits up. "Let's see….what's something we can do to make you happy?"

I just shrug a little and look up at the ceiling as he thinks. It takes him a few minutes before he looks back at me with a smile that could pass for a smirk. I have a bad feeling about it. He takes my hand and pulls me up as he stands.

"This is going to be great." He happily tells me. I give him a doubting look that he brushes away. Though, he confuses me a little when he lets go of my hand and grabs a bag. He shoves some things in it, and then goes to my closet. I'm not too sure about that, but he doesn't find anything I should be worried about because he's smiling when he looks at me again. He closes the bag and grabs my hand again.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

"Ready for what?"

"To go." he says with a smile.

"I…I suppose…"

He smiles again. "Great!"

Still holding my hand, he brings me out of the room and walks down the hall.

"Where are we going?" I softly ask him.

"It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

We stop in front of the doors and Gil looks at me. "But the whole surprise thing is what makes it fun."

I just look at him still.

"How about, it's a secret?"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"…No."

"It is."

"Well, whatever. It's still gonna be awesome either way." Then he opens the door and walks out, dragging me along behind him.

I stay quiet the rest of the way and notice we're going in the same direction we went when Gil brought me to his little tent. I start remembering what had happened and I tried to clear my head of the bad thoughts. I don't notice how far we had gone until a branch from a tree hit me in the face. I look forward again to avoid branches, and I realize Gil has been talking this whole time.

"…So, since West didn't believe he was doing it wrong, even though I _told_ him he was, I decided to mess with him. After I gave him that hot Kool-Aid instead of beer, he never tried doing my laundry again." Gil looked back to me. "So, the moral of the story is: West should leave my laundry for me."

"Uh…Ok." From what I heard, his story didn't make much sense, but if it was keeping him occupied, then that was fine. It would keep the focus off of me.

"Yeah. So, do you have any stories about you and your brother? Besides the letter one?"

"Not really." I softly tell him.

"Aw, come on. You really don't? You've been living with him your whole life."

"I know, but…he forgets me a lot."

"You know what I would do if my brother couldn't see me half the time?"

"Become like me?"

"No. I would have fun with it."

"Fun with it?" I look at him, a little confused.

He smiles back at me. "Yeah, I'd have fun with it. Like, I would move things around, write on the walls, mess with his mind. And I would go in his room and look around at everything he tried to hide from me and move things around. Stuff like that."

"…Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

"I…I never thought about it that way…" I quietly say to myself, looking down.

Gil stops walking for a moment, and if I hadn't seen his feet stop, I would have run into him. I look up a little to see him looking back at me.

"Birdie…what…what started this?"

" 'This'?"

"Yeah. Like, why are you all sad and depressed and all? Can you tell me? I think it'll help to talk about it."

"That's what everyone always says. They always say talking will help. But, what if it doesn't help? What if it doesn't really do anything? What if it just makes the person talking even more depressed? What if-?" I don't finish my question before Gil has my face between his hands and is looking me in the eye.

"Birdie, listen. If you really don't want to talk about it, I won't make you. But someone should know. If somebody else knows what's going on in your head, they'll be a big help to you."

"W-will it really help? Because…i-it's not like I haven't tried to. It didn't help then. Why would it help now, when it already seems too late?"

"I…Well, I don't really know that it will, but I don't know that it won't either. But what I _do_ know is that I'm sure you'll feel better letting someone know."

I shrug a little, not really sure that it will. He lets go of me for a short moment, just to wrap my arms around me in a gentle hug. He doesn't let go and I start tearing up for some reason. Gil just continues to hold me close in the embrace. I eventually hold onto him and feel myself break down in his arms.

"It's all right." Gil softly says, gently stroking my back. I can barely hear him though. He continues to calm me until my quiet crying is reduced to silent sniffles.

He looks at me when I get to that point. "You Ok now?"

I nod a little. "I think so."

He smiles. "Good. Now, let's go on, OK? We're not nearly there."

"Ok.."

Gil smiled and took my hand again, leading my through the forest again.


	32. Chapter 32

We walk for a while before we start to come to some trees starting to separate. I look to Gil to see he's glancing back at me. He smiles at me. "We're almost there." I nod a little and Gil looks back to watch where we're going.

He stops when the trees clear to form a ring almost around a large lake. Gil smiles happily back at me.

"Pretty awesome, right? I found it myself."

"Does anyone know about it?" I softly ask, looking out to the lake.

Gil pauses a moment before saying, "Yeah. Everyone knows about it." I can tell he's lying though, but I go along with it.

"Oh. Why isn't anyone here then?"

"I dunno. Because they're not awesome I guess."

"So basically only you use this lake."

"Yes." He looks back to me a little panicky. "I mean, no. I'm the only one who uses the lake on Saturdays because they're the most awesome days of the week and I'm the awesomest. You and me are the awesomest, so only you and me can come to the lake on Saturdays, but teachers can come out whenever they want so they can always watch use, but you can't see them, but they only do that to make sure no one does anything stupid, not like anyone would do anything stupid, but, you know, they could do a stupid thing, not that you would, because I know you're not the kind to do something stupid, but they're kinda like lifeguards to protect us, not that there's anything in here to hurt you, but so that we don't drown, not like anyone would do that on purpose, but, you know, accidents can happen and-"

"Gil?" I softly interrupt his ranting.

"Huh?"

"I know what you mean. You don't have to worry."

"I don't?" He looks at me skeptically. "Are you sure?"

I nod a little. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"What's with the sudden change? Isn't that usually not good?"

"It usually isn't. I still think I want to, but I've already tried a few times. I don't think it's really worth the effort anymore. And….and the pain of everyday life is a little easier to deal with…when you're here."

He smiles, but the smile is soft and so are his eyes as he looks at me. He pulls me into a gentle hug. "Really? He softly asks.

"Yeah…Really, I promise."

"Good. So we can go swimming then?" he happily asks.

I nod a little. "Sure. If you want to."

"Great." Gil lets go of me and takes his shirt off, causing me to blush. He sees the blush and laughs before stripping down to his boxers. He puts his clothes in a little pile and looks at me. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"You going swimming in all your clothes?"

I look down a little, still softly blushing. "I…I guess."

"Well….I guess you can do that. If you're comfortable that way."

I nod a little.

"Ok. Then come on." He grabs me by my waist and picks me up, holding me over his shoulder.

"H-hey! G-Gil!" though my protests are quiet. I can tell he's smirking. "Please let me down." I quietly ask.

"No way, Birdie." He starts walking towards the water, but all I can see is the ground behind him until he steps into the water. "I think you should have taken off your shoes though."

"You didn't have to bring me out here."

"But it's a nice peaceful place. I thought maybe it would get you to relax and maybe smile." He keeps walking into the water. I half hope he forgets where my head is and goes too far, but I also find that maybe…maybe I don't want him to go too far with me still on his shoulder.

"How did you think it would get me to smile?"

"Well, I'm not too sure. I just know that every time I come here, it gets me to feel relaxed and calm and all, because that's how it's like here. Calm and peaceful and all." He half shrugged. The water was coming up and I could start to smell it.

"G-Gil?" I softly ask.

"Yeah?"

"I…I think the water is getting too close."

"Kesesese. Don't worry, Birdie. You'll be OK."

I watch as the tips of my hair touch the surface of the water. I don't even realize I'm shaking a little until Gil notices and stops walking.

"Birdie?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Are you Ok? Like, really OK?"

I don't respond for a moment, thinking. That moment is apparently all Gil needs to start worrying. He puts me down in the water in front of him. I gasp a little from the sudden coldness. Gil looks me in the eye.

"Birdie? Are you OK?"

I can't look away from him and I nod a little. "Yeah. I'm fine enough anyway."

"Fine enough for who?"

"For you I suppose."

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

"Why were you shaking?"

"Because I was too close to the water."

"But you're in the water now." He gives a confused look and I wish I could bring myself to look down.

"I…I thought…I…I thought I maybe would have drowned if you went any farther…" I quietly tell him.

He sighs a little and holds me close. "Birdie. I would never let that happen to you. Not ever. I promise, Ok?"

I nod a little. "OK."

"So, let's go swimming then, OK?"

I nod a little. "Alright. I guess."

"What? Is something wrong?" He was smiling as he asked it though.

I shake my head a little. "No. Not really."

"Not really?"

"I just…I don't really swim…"

"You don't? Aw, come on. You're already in the water."

"In my clothes."

"You can take them off."

I blush furiously and look at him.

"Kesesese, what? I don't mean _all_ of them."

I nod a little looking down. "R-right."

"Well, not yet."

"E-eh?" I look at him, sure my face is a bright red. He just laughs again and swims off backwards so he can keep an eye on me.

"Come on." He encourages, motioning for me to swim over with him. I look down a little. I haven't swam in a long time and I'm half scared of drowning if I try to.

"Aw, come on, Birdie, please?"

I shake my head a little. "I…I can't…" I quietly say.

"What? I'm over here, Birdie, you'll have to speak up."

I look at him, knowing he knows I can't really speak louder. He comes over to me again. "Come on, can't you swim over?"

"Uh…no….not really."

"Why not?"

"I…I'm kinda scared actually."

"Scared? What of? It's just water."

"It could be a grave…"

"I promise you, I won't let you drown."

"….What if I let myself drown?"

"Then I'll rescue you and bring you back to land and save you of course."

"What if you don't make it in time?"

"I will make it in time. Trust me. I couldn't let you die."

"Why not?"

"If you drowned and I knew I could do something but I didn't, I would feel so guilty. I couldn't live with that guilt."

"That wouldn't be a problem then."

"Yes it would. It would be a big problem."

I look down a little again, knowing it would be. "I…I'm sorry." I start tearing up, feeling all emotional.

"Shh, don't be sorry." Gil wraps his arms around me in a hug and holds me close. "Don't be sorry. Everything will be alright. I promise you that. No matter what happens, everything will be OK." He gently strokes my hair as he comforts me. "I promise." He keeps whispering reassuringly to me until I calm down again.

"Maybe we should go back?" Gil asks after I calm down enough.

I nod a little. "Yeah. S-"

"Don't apologize again. It's OK. Don't worry about it, OK?"

I nod a little. "OK."

He smiles at me and leads me out of the water, back to his clothes. I hadn't realized how cold it actually was outside until we were on land again. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to stay warm as I shiver a little and as Gil got dressed again. He looks up when he finishes and smiles a little. "Cold?" he asks.

I nod a little, looking down. "Yeah…"

Gil wraps a towel around me and smiles at me.

"Ready to go, Birdie?"

I nod a little. "Yeah. I'm ready."

He smiles and takes my hand. "Awesome. Let's go."


	33. Chapter 33

We get back to our room and I get some dry clothes. Gil takes the towel from around my shoulders and looks at me a little. I look back at him a bit and he smiles.

"I'll take your clothes when you're done with them to go wash them, alright?" he tells me.

I nod a little. "Alright." I was planning on taking a shower and changing in the bathroom but I end up just looking at the room instead. Gil notices my standing there and looks at me for a minute before it clicks a little.

"You're scared." He says after a little moment. It wasn't a question.

I nod a little. I was scared to go back in there after what happened. I'm pretty sure nothing will happen there again, but you never truly know. I look back to him a little.

"Well…uh…huh…." Gil starts thinking and I watch him as he does. After another short minute or so, he seems to come up with something. "All right, what if I shower first?"

"I don't think that will really work…" I softly tell him.

"Oh. Right, because it's the same place…yeah. Uh…well, I'm sure we can use Rodrich's. I don't think he's in the room. He may be though."

I nod a little. That sounded like a better option to me. "Ok."

He smiles and takes my hand. "Awesome. Let's go." He leads me out of our room and heads down the hall to the room he used to stay in. He doesn't even bother to knock and just walks right on in. His cousin isn't there at the moment and I think that may be a good thing. Gil looks at me with a smile. "All right. So here we are."

I nod a little. "Yeah. Thanks." I look down a little before looking at him again. "Uh, Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not going to lock the door and I want you stay here, OK? B-but don't come in the bathroom, alright?" I blush softly, but I feel I need to clarify that with him.

He chuckles a little and nods. "Alright, Birdie. I won't come in unless you need me to."

"Unless I tell you."

"Unless you tell me. Got it."

I nod a little and go into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I sigh softly and take off my wet clothes. I look at my bandaged arms for only a moment, not even wanting to think about it. But I can't. I can't ignore something like that.

I take my shower, trying not to think too much as I do. I let the warm water wash over me and I feel a little better. I end up thinking a little, but it's about school work for some reason. I don't mind though. It has been a while since I actually tried with my school work and I know my grades could actually be better than they are now. Sure, I _did_ get good grades. Good enough to not fail at least. I could be getting A's though…

When I finish my shower, dress, and walk out again later, Gil's sitting on the bed. He smiles at me and I just look at him a little. He stands and comes over to me, taking my wet clothes from before.

"Ready to go back?" he asks.

I nod a little. "Yeah, I guess."

"Good." He smiles and he walks out of the room, me following him. We make a little stop so Gil can wash our clothes. We stand in the small room and I watch the clothes spinning in the machine. Gil looks at me for a minute before standing in front of me.

"Do you always watch your clothes while they're being washed?"

I shake my head a little. "No. Not usually."

"Then why are you doing it now?"

I shrug a little. "Not too sure."

"Well, why don't we talk?"

"What about?"

This time Gil's the one to shrug. "I don't really know. Anything would be fine. What about, have you dreaming recently?"

I think for a moment and shake my head a little. "Not really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Well, I had a crazy dream the other night. Wanna hear about it?"

There isn't really anything else to do so I nod a little. "Sure. Why not?"

"Awesome. Ok, so it started off like a normal day, right? Then my brother came and visited. I don't know why, but he did. He was there with Lovino's brother. He said they were getting married and that Feli, that's Lovi's brother, wanted me to be the maid of honor. I was totally confused and then started laughing. Feli started crying and then I felt all bad since I don't like to make people cry, especially that kid. So, I told him I would be his bride's maid. The day of the wedding came and both Feli and I were in dresses. I don't know how they forced me into it, but they did. I was standing there and Ludwig and Feli were going about to say their vows when suddenly a giant robot crashed into the church."

"A giant robot?" I softly interrupt.

"Yeah, I told you it was a crazy dream. Anyway, the giant robot came and crashed in. It took someone, picked them up, and ate them. Everyone started panicking and stuff, and then the robot started coming up the aisle towards my little brother and Feli. It was gonna eat them too. Luckily for them, I stepped in front of them and saved their asses with my total unbelievable awesomeness. The robot turned around and went home crying because it couldn't handle my awesomeness. I was the hero of the wedding until the guy with the cake came. Everyone ran at him, stampeding him. And then, by the end of the wedding, everyone ended up in a dress."

I'm sure what to say to that as he ends his telling of his dream. I nod a little. "Uh…is the laundry done yet?"

"Maybe." Gil turns around and checks the laundry. "Yep." He takes our clothes out and folds them nicely in a pile. He turns to me with the clothes in his arms. "Ready to go back?"

I nod a little. "Yeah."

We walk down the hall without talking. I don't mind it though and he doesn't seem to either. We get to our room and Gil looks at me.

"Hey, could you get the-" Gil starts to ask, but I open the door before he can finish. He smiles. "Thanks." Then he walks in the room. I go in after him and close the door. I walk to our beds to see that Gil had put my clothes on my bed and was putting his own clothes away. I took my clothes and put them away, even my hoodie. I'm wearing long sleeves anyway.

I sit down on my bed with a soft sigh. Gil comes over and sits next to me. He puts a gentle arm around my shoulders and gently rubs my arm. I lean against him a little without realizing it at first.

"Gil?" I softly ask after a little moment.

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay right here?"

He smiles and nods a little. "Sure, Birdie. Sure."

"Thank you."

He continues to gently rub my arm and I feel myself starting to fall asleep. A few minutes later, I actually do fall asleep with my head resting on Gil's shoulder.

* * *

_A/N: I don't think I'm going to put any more of Gil's point of view only to help me keep focused. Maybe I will later, but I doubt it. It'll stay Mattie's for a while, maybe til the end_


	34. Chapter 34

That night, I have a nightmare again.

The embodiment of my voice is back with me. We're somewhere else this time. We're at the lake Gil took me to today. I'm sitting on the bank without any shoes, letting the cold water go over my bare feet. The voice is standing next to me, silent for now. We both look over the lake at a full moon coming over the horizon. It's huge and ominous.

The voice sits down next to me and looks over at me. I look back at him to see that he's smiling. The smile isn't humorous or friendly or anything good.

"It's getting closer." he whispers. "You won't be able to resist and no one will be able to help you."

"Gil will help me." I softly tell him. "I know he will."

"You know he will. He won't though. You know that deep down inside you. He really won't."

"He won't let me."

"He won't let you do something you want to do?"

"I won't want to and I don't want to."

He smirks a little and slowly pulls out the knife he showed me before. "I think it may be a little beyond your control now. I'll come back and _make_ you." He lays the knife down and I see my hand reaching for it. I try to stop it, though, I really do, but I can't. I can't control myself and my hand grips the handle of the blade. I feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

"P-please. I-I don't want to do this. Th-this can't happen a-again." The tears start to fall as my hand and arm go into the all too familiar motion of cutting. I close, my eyes, not wanting to see it. I'm just sick of it all. So sick of it.

"Don't fight it." He whispers in my ear. "You know you want to."

I shake my head. "N-no. I-I don't."

"You do!" He grabs my arms and makes the cuts deeper. I can't get anything out through my sobbing. I start shaking and then the shaking becomes more violent. Before I know what happened, my eyes open, but instead of seeing my bleeding arms, I see Gil's lap. I had woken up.

I look up at Gil a little, but then wince from a pain in my arms. It takes me a minute to figure out that Gil's talking.

"Birdie, stop. You need to stop."

"Stop?" I slowly and softly ask. I look down at my arms to see I've been scratching them as I slept and they started bleeding again. I'm a little scared and try to stop, tears starting to form when I find it difficult. "I-I can't." I tell him, panicked.

"Oh, hell, yes you can." He grabs my arms firmly, but makes sure not to hurt me and pulls them away so my hands can't reach my arms. "Why? Why did you go and do it again?"

I look down after calming down a little and softly tell him, "I didn't want to, Gil. I really didn't. He…he just made me do it."

"I thought he was gone."

"He's there in my nightmares still."

"Birdie…" He sighs softly and hugs me gently. "I'm going to find a way to stop this. I promise."

"Wh-what if you can't?" I softly ask, leaning into him in the hug.

"That's not possible. I _am_ going to find a way to stop this."

"…Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"He…he said there would be another knife. It…it's a kind of pretty knife. And…and I was cutting again…and…you were trying to stop me, b-but we were yelling at each other and, Gil? I…I don't think this time turned out like last time…"

Gil just holds me closer. "It won't happen. I'll protect you from everything and anything."

"He…he said it was coming soon." There are tears in my eyes and they start to fall.

Gil gently wipes my tears away. "Sh. It will be OK. I won't let anything or anyone hurt my little Birdie."

I curl up against him and he holds me, gently rubbing my back. "I promise everything will be OK."

I just shrug a little, not sure anymore. He holds me close and strokes my hair. "Don't worry, Birdie. Everything is going to be OK."

I look up at him a little. He gently kisses the top of my head with a little smile. I lean against him again and look down at the bed.

"Hey, you should get some more sleep, though. It's the middle of the night." Gil softly tells me.

I shake my head a little. "I don't want to have another nightmare."

"You won't. I'm here to protect you from them."

"I already had one."

"Yeah, but your subconscious didn't know I was going to help you."

I just looked at him a little until he sighs softly. "Alright, alright. I'll get something for your arms." He gets up and goes to the bathroom. I can hear him rummaging through the medicine cabinet and came back a few minutes later with some bandages and some disinfectant. He fixes my arms up again while I look down. When he finishes, he pulls me close again and lies down, bringing me with him.

"So, you're not going to go back to sleep?" he softly asks me.

I shake my head. "No. I'm too scared to."

"I won't let anything happen to you."

"I-I know you won't. But that doesn't take away the fear."

"I wish I knew how to make you feel better."

"So do I. I'm getting sick of all this. I can only take everything for so long."

"I know."

I look up at him. "How…how could you know?"

"Well, I mean people can only take so much of something before they snap under it all. We just have to steer you in the right direction and make sure you stay on the right path. And I'll be here to help you to make sure you stay on it, OK?"

I nod a little. "OK."

He yawns a bit. "Will you be OK if I just take a quick nap?"

"Sure. I'll be fine. Get some sleep."

He nods a little. "OK. If you're sure." I nod and he kisses my cheek. "Good." Then he closes his eyes and holds me close to him as he falls asleep.


	35. Chapter 35

I stay awake all night, too scared to fall asleep again. Gil sleeps peacefully though, and I'm glad that he does. I don't see why he should stay up all night just to make sure I'm OK. I still lean against him as he sleeps, though, not wanting to move. I look up at the ceiling, trying to clear my mind and not think about my nightmare again. It really isn't as hard as I thought it would since Gil is there with me. For some reason I don't want to think about anything bad while around him, or I'm getting to it anyway.

I shift a little to get into a more comfortable position and find myself yawning a little. My thoughts drift to the TV, thinking that if I watched that I would be able to stay up. But with how we are, my back is to the TV. I don't want to disturb Gil by moving again, so I look forward and try to clear my mind again. It's surprisingly easy. I look at the door for a while before I catch myself drifting off to sleep. When that happens, I just start to think of almost anything I can just to fill my thoughts and keep myself awake.

That goes on for at least an hour or so, clearing and unclearing my mind, until I hear something at the window. I slowly look over, a little scared of what I may see. Kuma's looking back at me from outside. I slowly relax when I see it's only him.

I carefully get out of Gil's arms and go over to the window, slowly and quietly opening it. I'm sure Kuma will ruin the quiet once he gets in, though, and wake up Gil. When the window opens, Kuma climbs his way in and I help him get in. He looks up at me, and then looks to Gil as I hold him in one arm and close the window.

"Why is he here?" Kuma asks, looking at me. Luckily he keeps his voice quiet.

"Because he wants to make sure I'm OK. He thinks staying in here will help since he can keep an eye on me." I whisper to him, going back to the bed.

"Oh. Ok then."

Luckily that's all he says on the subject before yawning and snuggling up in my arms. I sit back down on the bed and lean against Gil a little again. I gently pet Kuma as he sleeps against me. Then I feel arms wrap around me again. I jump a little.

"Where'd you go to?" Gil softly asks, pulling me into his lap and looking at me. Then he sees Kuma and smiles a little. "Oh, just getting your bear."

I nod a little. "Yeah. Sorry I woke you."

"It's fine. You haven't been up this whole time though, have you?"

I shake my head a little, not wanting him to worry. "No, I got to sleep again."

"Anymore nightmares this time?"

"No. No dreams at all, in fact."

"I suppose that's good then."

I nod a little and lean into him. "Yeah, it is."

He smiles and kisses the top of my head again. "Good. Get some more sleep now alright?"

I nod again. "OK."

He smiles and soon enough is asleep again. I stay awake again as the two sleep. I hold Kuma close and continue to gently pet him. He shifts a little and snuggles close to me. I allow myself a little smile as he does.

The rest of the night goes by without much happening. Kuma and Gilbert sleep soundly as I lean against Gil and hold Kuma close, not thinking of anything. Gil wakes up first and smiles softly at me.

"Morning, Birdie." He looks at me for a moment before frowning slightly. "Birdie, did you sleep after you woke up?"

I look down a little. "I slept a little." I softly lie.

"Uh-huh." He looks at the sleeping Kuma and pulls me a little closer. "If you say so." He sounds worried though.

I look up at him. "Don't worry, alright?"

He nods a little. "Ok. I won't." He gently lifted me off his lap and puts me down next to him on the bed. He gets up, stretching a little before looking to me again. "Stay here, OK?" I nod a little and he smiles before getting some clothes and going to the bathroom. The door closes and after a minute or so I hear the shower start up.

I softly sigh a little and look back to the sleeping Kuma in my arms. I put him down on the pillows. He doesn't seem to mind. I stand up and stretch a little before starting to look in the closet. I manage to find a small coffee maker and some coffee. Hopefully that will keep me awake.

I take the small appliance out and plug it in. It takes a few minutes to make the coffee, but I don't mind the wait.

By the time it's done and I have my small cup, Gil finished his shower and came out of the bathroom. He was dressed and his hair was dripping onto the floor. He didn't seem to mind, and I didn't either.

"Where'd you get the coffee?" he asks, sitting down on my bed.

"The closet." I take a sip and he gives me a funny look.

"There was coffee…in the closet?"

"Well, there was a little coffee pot and some coffee stored in there, so…yeah. There was coffee in the closet."

He nods a little. "Alright. How come you just started drinking it?"

"Because I didn't know it was there." I gesture to the nearly empty closet.

"Oh." He thinks for a minute, then he seems to have remembered something. "Ooohh, right. Right, right, I forgot about that. I think I threw ours down the hall when I first got here…"

"You…threw the coffee down the hall?" I softly ask him, taking another sip.

He nods. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I was really pissed off."

"At what?"

"I don't remember. I was in a really pissy mood when I got here. For, like, the whole month."

"Oh, I see."

"Yeah. But it's all right now."

"That's good." I finish up my coffee.

"Well, we have school today, so we should probably get going."

"Yeah. I'll get dressed."

"I'll wait for you."

"Thanks." I put the coffee cup down and get some clothes. I go into the bathroom and change, not paying attention to the room as I do. Luckily I manage to change and get out of there before I start thinking too much and something happens. I look to Gil.

"Ready?" he asks with a smile.

I nod. "Yeah. I suppose."

"Good." He grabs our bags and wraps an arm around me. We start walking to the actual school itself. I look down a little as we do, worried things could go terribly wrong.


	36. Chapter 36

We get to class soon enough and Gil smiles. "Well, here we are again."

I nod a little. "Yeah…here we are…"

"Aw, don't worry about it, Birdie. Everything will be OK. I promise."

I look at him doubtfully.

"I'll be here with you. I'll make sure nothing happens."

"You'll only be here for first period."

"Yeah, but it'll still be OK. Because you can just come and get me if something happens."

"You want me to just leave class?"

"Well, yeah. If something's happening, of course I want you to leave class."

I look down a little, uncertain. He pulls me close to him. "Trust me, Birdie."

"A-alright."

Gil smiles. "Awesome. Now, let's go." He takes my hand and leads me into class.

No one really notices us, and while I'm used to that, I still wonder why that is. A few people look up, but they look back to whatever they were doing before. I look at Gil a little, but he doesn't seem to notice it.

"What about our work from the-?" I start to ask.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. Toni'll get it for us."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." He happily smiles at me.

"If you say so."

"Great." He smiles and sits down in the back again. I sit down by him and look down at the desk a little.

"Lift your head. Don't look down." He gently reaches over and tilts my head up. "Ok?"

I look over a little. "Why do you want my head up?"

"It shows confidence." He tells me with a smile.

"…Confidence."

"Yeah. It's good to have confidence."

"I-I know it is."

"Then show everyone you have some, even if you don't. You want people to think you are confident, then they won't mess with you."

"They still will."

"Not as much." He smiles at me and I try to protest again, but class stats then and I can't.

I try to focus on the lesson, but it's kind of boring. Before I know it, I start drifting off to sleep a little. I can't let myself though and sit straight up instead of the usual slouched position I take. I catch a few words from the teacher, but unfortunately, she's giving a lecture. I look around a little just to see that no one else is paying attention. Well, some people in the front are and a few others are taking notes. A majority of the class is sleeping and goofing off or doodling in their notebooks. I look over to Gil to see what he's doing.

He's drawing a picture on a little piece of paper. He glances over at me a little and notices me looking at him. He gives me a sheepish smile and tries to hide the paper a little. That only makes me curious about what's on it.

I lean over towards him a little, trying to see what's on it. He only moves the paper farther away from me. I look up at him and he smirks at me a little. He holds the paper in his one hand and taps my nose with a finger on his other hand. I blush a little and he smiles.

"You can't see it until it's finished." he quietly whispers to me.

I softly sigh a little and nod, going back to sitting how I was before. I look down at my desk and absentmindedly start drawing little pictures with my finger on the desktop. It takes a little while for class to end, but I keep myself from falling asleep for the rest of it. I should have paid attention to the teacher, but I couldn't manage it.

I stand up and look to Gil who is already standing. He smiles at me.

"Ready to go?"

I nod a little. "Yeah, I suppose."

"Good." He takes my hand and leads me out of the classroom. "So, did you follow anything she said?"

"Uh, no. Not really." I softly admit.

He smiles. "I don't think anyone else did either."

"Well, it looked like some people were."

"And those people are over-achievers."

I look down a little. "I…I suppose."

"Oh, well it's not like that if you do it, cuz, well, it's you."

"But it's anyone else, they're an over-achiever."

"No. It's not, well, not exactly, I mean, well, uh-"

"It's alright. We're pretty much opposites."

"Opposites. Yeah, but we do go pretty well together." He laughs a little and I feel a smile trying to come on.

"Yeah." I softly agree.

"Well, it looks like we're here." he tells me, sounding a little regretful. "I'll see you after class."

I nod a little. "Ok."

He gently kisses me, getting me to blush, before he leaves to his own class. I stand there for a little moment before I realize that he left some paper in my hand. I got into my class and sit down at an empty desk. I look at the paper in my hand and realize it's the same paper Gil was drawing on earlier after I unfold it. On the paper is a drawing of me from the side. I feel myself softly smile a little as I realize he was drawing me. I fold it back up and put it in my pocket.

Class starts after a few minutes. This time I find focusing is easier. The teacher passes out some worksheets. It's a rather easy worksheet and unfortunately I finish it soon enough. The equations were rather simple and I understood it completely. I put my pencil down on top of the paper and look at the paper a little.

"-hew? Matthew?"

I look up at the teacher a little, whose standing right in front of me.

"Y-yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"What am I-? What do you mean what am I doing?"

"I told everyone to turn to turn their work in about ten minutes ago."

"Ten minutes? I don't think you did."

"Oh, now you're talking back?"

"Wh-what? No, I-"

"And now arguing."

I look down a little and softly say, "I'm sorry." And I hand her the paper. She snatches it from my hand and I hear her mumbling something about hanging around a bad influence. I know she's talking about Gil and I look down at the desk again.

The little pace after that doesn't last long though. We aren't exactly doing anything and the teacher is passing out another worksheet. She comes to me and looks at me a little, as if considering something. I try to shrink into myself and just hide, but she leaves before I can.

I look down at the paper on my desk. It's one of those stupid math puzzle worksheets. She must not have had anything else to use. I don't mind and finish this one rather quickly too. The problems are a little more difficult than ordinary problems.

By the end of the class, I feel even more tired than at the beginning of the day, but I doubt it'll be a problem. I meet up with Gil after class again.

"Ready for you next class?"

I nod a little. "Yeah, I suppose."

He smiles. "Good. Did you like the picture I drew for you?"

I nod again. "Yeah, I loved it."

"Awesome."

He happily smiles as he leads me to my next class.


	37. Chapter 37

We get to my next class and I go into it after saying bye to Gil. Not wanting to get in trouble during this class, I try to stay invisible. I quietly go to my seat in the back and sit down, waiting for class to start.

I realize that the classroom is much too quiet when class starts. Sure, I've only been to this class once, but it's still too quiet for a class. I look around trying to find out why that is when the teacher turns off the lights. I look to the front of the class to see the teacher put a movie on. That explains the quietness.

"Does anyone remember where we left off?" he asks.

"We ended when Lincoln was hitting the other guy in the head*!" someone yells out.

"Oh, yes. There. Well, things are going to get more violent."

The class cheers at this and quickly quiets down as the teacher fast forwards the movie to where they left off.

The girl next to me leans over and whispers, "Ok, so basically they're in this place and are the only ones left after a contamination. The only way they can get off it is by winning the lottery and going to an island. Everyone wants to go there, but the main character, Lincoln6echo, this guy," she points at the screen as a man is running up stairs with a girl then continues, "he starts to question everything in the place they live in. And then he-**"

"Meredith?" the teacher asks.

The girl looks up at him. "Yes?"

"Stop talking during the movie."

"Fine." She makes a face at the teacher when he turns his back. She gives me a shrug then looks back to the movie.

I look to the movie and watch it a little. It seems interesting at first, but then my mind starts going. I look down at my desk and try to block out the noise, but it's too hard. I start to hear laughter and I look around. Everyone is focused on the movie. I could have sworn they were looking at me though.

I shake the feeling and try to clear my mind again. It's surprisingly easy. I slowly look up to the movie again.

Class ends before the movie ends. Everyone, including myself after a little while, had been too into the movie. We only know class is over when the teacher pauses the movie. There's arguing and complaining about stopping the movie, but we eventually all get out of class.

I meet up with Gil outside the classroom.

"So how was class?" he asks, wrapping an arm around me.

"It was alright." I softly tell him as we start to walk.

"Really? That's great!" He smiles happily, but I shrug a little.

"It's no big deal, really."

"Yeah, but a class being alright is a class that is almost good. And if it's good, that's almost pretty good which is almost great which is almost-"

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I get it."

"...I knew that."

"Really?" I look at him with a little bit of a doubtful look. He smiles a little sheepishly.

"I just like to hear myself talk."

I nod a little. "I could figure as much."

"Yeah. Well, let's go get some lunch."

"Already?"

"Yeah, come on." He smiles happily as he pulls me along to the cafeteria.

I kinda stand behind Gil when we get there, looking down. Gil looks at me and smiled a little.

"Here, you go find us a seat and I'll go get us some food."

I nod a little. "Ok. But, what about Mrs.-"

"Forget about her. She doesn't know what she's talking about. At all."

"Then why did they hire her? D-did they put me with her because they don't really care? They don't actually care at all. They just want us to-"

Before I can finish, Gil cuts me off with a kiss. I'm suddenly aware of a few people looking at us and I feel myself start to blush. Gil pulls back soon enough and looks at me.

"Listen, you need to calm down, alright? I'm gonna be here for you. I can help you get better. I can, not anyone else."

I nod a little. "Alright." I softly tell him.

He smiles. "Good. Now go find us a table, alright?"

I nod a little. "Ok."

"Awesome." He ruffles my hair a little before going in line to get us some food. I watch him a little before going off to find us an empty table.

I find an empty one in the corner of the cafeteria. It seems good enough so I start to head towards it.

As I'm walking though, I start to hear people whispering and murmuring. I can't make out any words, but I still feel a little paranoid about it. I look around a little and start to see some of the bullies from my old school in the crowd. They're looking at me and laughing. I can hear their laughter clearly. It starts to get louder and louder and it's all I can hear-

"Matthew?" A hand is placed on my shoulder and I jump, letting out a little squeak of fear.

"Hey, are you alright?" Gil. Is suddenly in front of my vision. The bullies from before are nowhere in sight and the cafeteria is just full of people talking normally.

"Birdie? Matthew? Hello?"

I focus in on Gil again. "Y-yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

I nod a little. "Y-yeah. I'm fine. I'm ok."

"...uh-huh. Sure. Well, let's sit down."

I nod a little. "Ok." We head to the empty table in the back and sit down. Gil sits next to me and puts our food down.

He smiles and starts eating. I slowly start eating as well. Gil smiles happily. After a minute or so, he looks over at me.

"Birdie?"

"Yeah?" I look over at him a little.

"You seem tired. Are you sure you got enough sleep?"

I nod. "Yeah, of course I got enough sleep."

"Oh, you were just in science, watching that movie, weren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. That makes sense."

"Yeah, it does."

He smiles and resumes eating. I start eating again too. Soon enough, though, lunch is over. We throw our trash out and Gil takes my hand, walking me to the next class again.

*the movie is called The Island

**this is a short little summary of the beginning-ish of the movie. Just put that there cuz it's a good movie that I doubt anyone has seen and I would recommend it. And if you have seen it, that's just awesome.


	38. Chapter 38

We get to my next class soon enough. "Any trouble, remember I'm just down the hall."

I nod a little. "Alright. I'll get you if I need you."

"Awesome." He smiles happily and gives my hand a gentle squeeze before heading off to his next class. I watch him go a little before going into my own class. I go to the back and sit down, looking at the desk again. No one seems to notice me, but I don't mind it.

The class is pretty much a blur this time, and I don't get much out of it. The only thing I really got and heard was that we were moving onto Shakespeare.

I leave the class, barely noticing I'm in a little daze until my arm is lightly grabbed.

"Birdie? Where are you going?"

I look around to see Gil holding my arm. "Where am I going?" I look forward a little to see a wall right in front of me. "Oh, uh...I don't know." I look back to him.

"Are you sure you're fine?" he worriedly asks me.

I nod. "Yeah, of course I'm fine."

He gives me a skeptical look before nodding a little. "Uh-huh. Sure... Well, let's get you to class." Gil takes my hand and starts leading me off. I follow him without really watching where I'm going. Gil looks back at me every now and then, but I keep assuring him I'm all right. Maybe I just need more coffee in the morning or something.

We get to my next class soon enough. This class and the next few went by pretty much the same way as the last class. I can't really focus, only hear a little of what is being said, and Gil stops me from running into things.

At the end of the day, Gil gets me just as I'm walking out of class.

"Come on, Birdie. We're going back to our room." he tells me. I just nod a little. He sighs softly and takes my hand, pulling me along. When we get there, he opens the door and leads me inside.

"Sit." he kind of commands, pointing to the chair by the desk. I look at him a little before nodding and going to the chair and sitting in it.

Gil locks the door and comes over, sitting in front of me.

"Birdie. You seem really out of it today. What's up?"

"Nothing really, Gil."

"Oh yes there is. That guy isn't bothering you again. That guy in your head. …Is he?"

I shake my head a little. "No. Not now. Not today."

"Hm..." He thinks for a moment, looks over to the small coffee pot still out, then back to me. "What was going on in the cafeteria? When you kinda freaked out?"

"The cafeteria...oh, I was just having one of those moments."

"Those moments? Where you hallucinate?"

"…Kind of."

"What do you mean kind of?"

I look down a little at the floor between us, particularly my feet. I shrug a little after a moment. "Well, it's just kind of. I know now it wasn't real," at least I hope so, "and it wasn't as bad as other hallucinations I've had."

"Uh-huh. I see."

I look up a little to see Gil leaning back in the other chair with his feet up on the desk and holding a pen.

"Um...Gil...what are you doing?"

He looks over and gives me a smile. "Helping you, of course."

I look at him for another minute or so before nodding a little. "Alright."

He leans back a little more so the chair is balancing on the very edges of the two legs.

"So, was stuff like this happening yesterday or last night?"

"Stuff like what?"

"Like the small hallucinations, the uncoordinationness-"

"I don't think that's a word." I quietly interrupt.

He looks at me and waves his pen at me with a small smirk. He speaks in a firm, but playful voice when he says, "it is now, mister. Now accept it, be happy with it, and use it on a regular basis."

I look at him and feel a small smile come over me. "I see."

His eyes widen at my smile and he drops his pen, gets off his chair that falls backwards without him, and hugs me close. "You smiled!" he happily declares, even though the smile was short lived.

I softly blush a little and gently wrap an arm around him. "Uh, yeah. So?"

He lets go of me and stands up. "This means step one of my awesome get-Birdie-better-so-he-can-be-happy-and-even-awes omer plan is complete!"

"...Isn't that a long plan name?"

He doesn't look over, keeping the same pose that reminds me of Al's hero pose.

"No. It is an awesome plan name."

"…Whatever you say."

He smiles happily and picks up his chair, sitting back down on it. He picks his pen up and continues his questioning as if nothing had happened.

"So, anyway. As I was saying…wait, where was I?"

"The made-up word." I softly tell him.

"Ah, yes. Uncoordinationness. The appearance of being really sleepy. Was this happening last night or yesterday?"

"No, it wasn't."

"Uh-huh. Not yesterday. Not last night. Now, did you actually go to sleep after getting your polar bear in from the window?"

"Yes, I slept."

"You claim you did. Ok. So, according to you, you slept and all this crazy shit is happening for no reason, ja?"

I slowly nod a little, knowing that it's actually from not sleeping.

"Maybe the nurse should check you out then." Gil suggests.

I shake my head a little again. "No need for me to go to the nurse, Gil. I promise. I'll be perfectly fine, ok?"

Gil looks at me a little. It takes him a minute or, but he finally says, "Alright, fine. I'll leave it be... for now. But if it gets any worse, I will personally take you to the nurse."

I nod a little, knowing he will. "Alright. Well, I have some homework that needs to get done, and I know we have a ton of make-up work. Why don't you get that from Antonio and I'll start the homework?"

He looks at me for a moment before reluctantly agreeing. "Fine. But just give me a little kiss first."

I lean over and give him a gentle, shy kiss. He smiles happily and pats my head. "Awesome. I'll be right back." He hugs me gently before leaving the room, and luckily closing the door behind him.


	39. Chapter 39

I sigh softly as I look at my homework. It seems to take up the entire desk. For a moment or so, I feel very small and insignificant, but I quickly shake the feeling.

The work seems to be overwhelming at first, but then it slowly starts to become more bearable. I look at it for another moment or so before slowly starting it.

For once, I see why everyone complains about homework. Instead of it being easy and distracting me from everything like it usually does, it's hard and annoying. Problems and questions I used to find easy are now too hard for me and hurt my head. I sigh softly and finally put my pen down on top of the work.

I look at the alarm clock and see it's been about a half hour since I started and since Gil left. I look back down at the desk for a minute or before deciding to look for Kuma.

A few minutes later, I find him under my bed. He's fast asleep, curled up in a ball. I slowly reach under the bed and gently pet him, making sure not to wake him.

After a few minutes, I hear the door open. I crawl out from under the bed to see Gil standing there with two folders.

"Why were you under the bed?" he asks, looking confused.

"I was looking for Kuma and he's under there." I simply tell him.

"Oh, ok. Well, here's the work you missed." He hands me one of the folders. I notice it has my name on it. "Did you get your homework done?"

"Uh, no. Not really."

He smiles that smile of his that's more like a smirk and plops down on his bed, throwing his own folder on the floor. "Deciding to slack off, are we? Tsk, tsk, you shouldn't do that."

I shrug a little. "I didn't mean to."

"Ah, I know, Birdie, I know."

I nod, getting up and putting my folder on the desk with my other work. "I don't know if I can do this." I quietly murmur.

"Do what?"

"Finish all this work."

Gil gets up and hugs me from behind, pulling me into his lap as he sits on his bed.

"Don't worry about it." he tells me, holding me close. "You'll get it done in no time. Toni said they'll give you until next week."

I nod a little. "Ok. I think I'll be able to do it by then."

"Good." He nuzzles me a little and I blush.

I turn around so I'm sideways in his lap and lean against him a little.

"Birdie, you seem tired."

"I'm not. Please stop saying that." I look at him a little to see him frown.

"I'm just worried."

"I know you are."

He holds me close with a soft sigh. He gently takes my glasses off and puts them down on the desk.

"What are you-?" I start to ask before Gil puts a hand over my mouth to stop me.

"Sh. I'm looking."

I try to ask him what he's looking at. He slowly lowers his hand as he looks into my eyes, causing me to blush again. He stares into my eyes for a while before smiling.

"I've decided."

"Decided what?"

"Do you really need glasses?"

"If I want to see."

"That you should get contacts."

"Contacts?"

He happily nods. "Yeah. Contacts." He ruffles my hair a little and then hugs me close.

"I suppose I could try them."

He smiles happily and holds me close to him, pulling me down with him to lie on the bed.

"You're just so huggable." he murmurs, holding me closer. I lean into him a little. "And you're so cute when you blush. I don't want to let you go."

I hide face against him and he chuckles. He nuzzles me again.

After a few minutes, Gil starts to gently rub my back. I find so comforting. Too comforting. And then he starts to quietly sing. Since I'm being held against chest, I can feel and barely hear him singing.

All too soon, I feel my eyes start to close.

"G-Gil..." I softly mumble, looking up at him.

He looks down at me and pauses his singing briefly. "Sh. Just relax."

"But Gil..."

He gently kisses me to make me stop. He rolls onto his back and pulls me onto of him. He pulls back from the kiss and continues to rub my back. He seems to wait until I'm all comfortable to start singing again. I try to protest again to tell him I'll just have a nightmare again. He won't let me get a word out before he starts soothingly stroking my hair.

That seems to do it. I feel my eyes start to close before I can stop them. And before I know it, I'm asleep.

-/-\-

I slowly wake up sometime the next morning a little slowly. I had a nightmare again, but the voice wasn't in it.

I look up a little to see Gil looking back at me. He looks a little worried.

"Gil?" I softly ask. "Are you OK?"

"Matthew..." he softly whispers.

It scares me a little that he uses my actual name instead of 'Birdie'.

"I...I think your voice...talked to me in my nightmare."

I'm sure I feel myself start to pale a little. "Th-that's not good. What should we do?"

"He said we couldn't do anything. He said terrible things about. He was trying to get to go against you. I think...I think he's really the one that wants you dead. And I have a feeling he'll stop at nothing to accomplish that."

Tears start forming in my eyes. "He...he wants me dead..."

"But he's the only one in the whole universe who wants you dead, and he's not even real."

"I-it doesn't matter. If-if he'll stop at nothing, I'm as good as dead already. He can control me, Gil." I feel the tears start to fall.

Gil gently takes my shoulders and has me look him in the eye.

"Matthew Williams...I, Gilbert Beildschimt, swear that I will protect you no matter what. Nothing will hurt you. I am going to protect you. I will not let him win. I will do whatever I can to destroy him. And I'm more powerful than he is. I know he is. Do you believe this? That I will let nothing happen to you? That you will not die while I have something to say about it?"

It takes me a little minute, but I slowly nod. Somehow, I know he'll live up to his word. He is going to make sure I'm OK and that nothing happens to me.

Gil pulls me into a hug, holding me close. "Good. Now I just have to figure out how to make this work..."


	40. Chapter 40

The next few days pass by pretty much the same way as the day I got back. I try not to fall asleep, but Gil always manages to get me to sleep at night.

When Friday morning comes, that's when everything seems to start.

I wake up to Gil shaking me frantically.

"Birdie! Matthew, wake up! Come on!"

I slowly open my eyes and look up at a concerned Gil.

"What's going on?" I softly and slowly ask.

"You were talking in your sleep. Terrible things in your sleep. You were scaring me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

Gil gently strokes my cheek. "Don't be sorry. You didn't know what you were doing. It didn't even sound like you. I'm really worried about this whole thing."

"I-I know you are, but I don't know what to do about this."

"...I think I may have an idea of what to do. I don't know if you'll like it though."

"I already don't like it." I softly tell him. "It scares me a little."

"Well, if what I'm thinking about is the right thing to do, I'm sure it'll help. And that it will solve this whole problem."

"Is it dangerous?" I softly ask him. He doesn't respond for a moment and that worries me.

"I can honestly tell you I don't know. But I do know that it'll cause less dangerous things to happen."

"Do you know it will work? What is it even supposed to do? What is it?"

"I know for sure it will work. It should get that voice out of your head. I have no clue what it is though."

"If you don't know what it is, how do you know it will work?"

"...Because professional doctors can work miracles."

"...So this will work?"

"Absolutely."

"O-ok...I-I'll try it..." I softly tell him. "Anything to get him gone."

Gil pulls me into a hug and holds me close to him. "Everything will be ok. I promise." he softly assures me.

I nod a little, wanting to believe him, needing to believe him.

He gently strokes my hair and holds me. "I'll call your cousin to get us. He can bring us to the hospital. And then the doctors will know what to do."

I can tell he doesn't truly know if they'll know what to do, but I know he hopes they will. And I do too.

Gil lets go of me and gets up. I look over and watch as he walks over to the table and picks up his phone. He dials something and then waits.

"Francis?" he asks after a few moments. "Ja, ja, that's great, but listen. Something's going on with Matthew." He paused a moment or so and then nods, rolling his eyes. "Yes, but something weird. Scary weird and this is getting bad." He pauses briefly, listening again. "Ok, but I think I know how we can fix this. ... Well, I'll tell you how. We need you to get your car over here so we can get to the hospital." There was another short pause and Gil let out a noisy sigh. "I don't know which one, Francis. One that has doctors who know things about the deep recesses of the brain, ok?" There's another short pause and he nods. "Alright, we'll see you then." Then he hangs up.

I look at him. "So? He's coming to get us when?"

"He'll be here in an hour or so." he tells me, putting his phone down and sitting back down on the bed with me.

"Ok. Is he alright with this too?"

Gil wraps his arms around me and holds me close again. "Yeah. He's ok with anything that will help his little cousin. He's just one of the many people that want you to be happy again. And if this will help, he's all for it."

I slowly nod a little. "Ok. But...but what if something happens before he comes?"

"Trust me, Birdie, nothing will happen. Nothing bad at all."

"Promise?"

He softly smiles at me. "I swear. I told you I'll do anything I can to help you. Anything at all."

"Yeah. It just helps to hear it again."

"I know it does." He gently rubs my back a little as he holds me. "Trust me, I know."

I gently rest my head on his shoulder and nod a little. "Yeah."

Gil gently kisses my cheek. "I promise. Life will be better after this."

"I know."

"Yeah. You won't have to worry about anything except normal stuff. Normal stuff like grades, homework, relationships, what you'll wear to prom, kesesese."

I blush. "G-Gil!"

"Even though you'll probably not wear a dress, which would disappoint me and my friends,-" I blush a little deeper when he says that, "-it's still a normal thing to worry about."

"So this is just the stuff I'll worry about?" I softly ask him.

"No. You'll worry about which college to go to and all. And then, after you go to college, you'll get a nice job. We'll get married-"

" 'W-we'? H-how can you be so certain of that?"

"It's simple enough. I love you the most and you are mine." He nuzzles me a little again and I find it hard to argue.

"O-ok. We."

He smiles happily and gives me a quick peck. "Good. Now I can finish.

"We'll get married and I'll take on the most awesomest honeymoon ever. We will go find a house to live in and we will stay there the rest of our lives together. We will have parties and invite our families over and-"

"K-kids." I softly tell him.

"Huh?"

"Kids. We...if we're going to get married, I want kids."

He smiles softly and nods before continuing. "Ok. We'll adopt some kids. They will be awesome kids. And we will be the awesome family everyone wants to hang out with."

I nod a little. "It sounds wonderful, Gil."

"Ja. And for all of that to happen, you need to get better first. And that is what we'll do today."

"Yeah. I'll get better today."

Gil smiles and glances at his watch a little. "Well, Francis should be here in fifteen minutes. Why don't you get dressed?"

I nod a little. "Ok."

He smiles and lets go of me. I stand up and grab some clothes from my side of the room. I go to the bathroom and close the door, changing. I was sure I didn't take that long, but by the time I get out of the bathroom, someone's knocking at the door.


	41. Chapter 41

I look to the door and then back at Gil. He smiles at me.

"It's ok. It's only Francis."

"Ok." I softly say.

He nods and opens the door. Francis comes in and immediately hugs me. His hug is gentle, but he holds me close. I gently return the hug a littler and lean my head on his shoulder.

"Everything is gonna be OK now, Francis." I softly tell him.

He nods. "I know. I know. Let's get going, then. Are you both ready?" He lets go of me and looks at the two of us.

"Ja, we're ready." Gil tells him. I nod a little.

"Good. Come on, then." Francis smiles softly and leads us out of our room and to the parking lot. I stay close to Gil, feeling a little guilty about not going to class. Gil seems to notice it.

"Is something wrong, Birdie?" he asks, wrapping a gentle arm around my shoulders.

I shake my head a little. "Not really. It's just...I'm missing class again."

We hear Francis chuckle a little ahead of us. He looks back at us a little. "Oh, Mathieu. Eet's just like you to be worried about school."

I look down a little with a light blush. They both laugh a little and Gil kisses my cheek.

"You can get back to worrying about all that soon enough." Gil tells me with a smile. I nod a little.

We get to Francis's car soon enough. He gets in the front to drive and Gil and I get in the back.

"Eet will be a little while until we get there, ok?"

"That's alright." Gil tells him. "As long as we get there today is all that matters."

Francis nods. "Alright." He gets the car started and starts driving down the road.

I look out the window for a little while, half wondering what it was I had said in my sleep to make Gil so worried. It takes up my whole mind for a good half hour before Francis slams on the breaks. The seatbelt keeps me from hitting the back of the seat in front of me.

"What the hell happened, Francis?" Gil asks. I look up to see Francis looking back at us.

"Some idiot just drove out in front of me. Are you two ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Gil tells him. They both look to me for an answer and I slowly nod.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I quietly tell them.

"Good." Francis says before starting to drive again, muttering to himself a little in French.

I look out the window again for a while before Gil gets my attention.

"Yeah?" I softly ask.

He looks at me for a moment. "I..I never how soft and quiet your voice actually is. It...it's..." He started blushing and looked down a little. He cleared his throat and looked up again. "Well, we haven't had breakfast yet and Francis was wondering if you wanted any."

I shrug a little. "If you want some breakfast, we can go. It doesn't really matter to me."

"If we go will you have something to eat?"

I think about it a little and shrug. "I guess so."

He smiles. "Great. Then we'll go. Got that, Francis?"

"Oui." Francis says from the front.

Gil softly smiles. "Good." He leans back again. I notice him looking over at me every now and then as we drive on though.

I eventually look over, back at him. "Yes?"

"Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing really important. Don't worry about it."

I nod a little, but can't help but worry about it. What if he's worried that I won't make it? What if he's really just having Francis take me to some far off place away from civilization to leave me forever? But... he wouldn't do that. I have to keep reminding myself that Gil and Francis are on my side. The doctors are too. I haven't met them yet, but I'm sure they are. Gil trusts them, so I'm sure I can too.

Soon enough, we get to a small restaurant. Francis finds a parking spot and parks close to the front of the building. We get out of the car and Gil holds my hand as we go in.

I look down as we go inside and get seated. We get a booth and Francis sits across from Gil and me. We get our menus, but I barely notice. I don't even notice that the waiter had come to take our order until a cup of coffee is put in front of me. I look up a little, about to say I didn't order anything when Gil stops me.

"I got it for you." He informs me quietly.

"Oh. Thanks..." I softly tell him, looking at the coffee a little.

"Ja. Now, get what you want in mind so I don't have to order for you again."

I nod a little. "Ok." I start looking through the menu. I hear them talking a little. I barely understand it though. I feel like I'm in a little daze. The menu starts to not make any sense.

"Birdie?" A gentle hand is placed on my shoulder.

I look over at Gil a little. "What?"

"You know what you want?" I see there's a waitress standing by our table and her, Francis, and Gil are looking at me expectedly.

"Uh..." I look down at the menu and order the first thing I see, which happens to be their self proclaimed famous breakfast meal.

"Alright. I'll be back with your meals in a few minutes." the waitress happily says with a smile as she takes out menus. She walks off and I notice Francis watching her go.

"Birdie, are you ok? You seem kinda spacey." Gil asks me.

"I'm sure it's nothing." I tell him, not knowing how wrong I really am.

He nods a little. "Alright. If you say so."

I nod a little and take a sip of my coffee.

It takes our food a little while to get here, but I don't mind it too much. Francis and Gil talk about things while we wait for our food. I don't really pay attention, though, and look around a little.

Our food gets here and I notice Gil didn't get anything but Francis got something small.

"Gil, you didn't get anything?" I softly ask.

"Well, you got enough food. I just figured if share with you. Is that alright?"

I nod a little. "Yeah, that's fine."

Gil smiles and we all eat in a comfortable silence. When it comes time to pay the bill, Francis tells us he'll pay. Gil thanks him and I softly do too.

"So, let's get going zhen. Eet's still a few hours until we get zhere."

I nod a little. As we head to the car again, Gil asks, "Why is it so far away?"

"Zhe car?" Francis asks.

"Nein, the hospital."

"Oh." We get into the car again and Francis starts it up before answering. "Because you wanted zomeone who knew what Mathieu was dealing wizh, no? And zhis ees zhe only 'ospital I know of zhat 'as zomeone like zhat."

Gil nods a little. "Oh. Ok." And then we get on the road again, driving down to the hospital.

A/N: due to technical difficulties, I may not have a chapter up tomorrow. But I wanna get this finished, so if that does happen, I'll just get two up the next day.


	42. Chapter 42

It takes us a few more hours to get to the hospital. Not much happens in the car during that time. Gil dozes off and goes to sleep again, but he holds my hand before he does. Francis is rather quiet as he drives, so he must not know this area very well. He's always quiet when he's driving in a new place. He does turn on the radio though. I just stare out the window, not really listening to the music or anything.

When we get to the hospital, the only way I know is because of an ambulance coming in with the siren on. Gil wakes up as I snap out of my little daze.

"Are we here?" Gil asks, rubbing some sleep from his eyes as Francis drives around, looking for a parking spot.

"Oui, we are." Francis tells him. He drives around for another few minutes before parking.

I look over to Gil a little, suddenly starting to feel a little nervous. Gil unbuckles and comes over to me, giving me a gentle hug. "Don't worry. Everything will be Ok. I promise you."

It takes me a minute to slowly nod. "Alright."

He smiles softly. "Good. Now, let's get going." I nod a little again and we all get out. "Uh, do you know where the entrance is?" Gil asks Francis.

Francis smiles and nods. "Of course I do." He leads us down to the front of the hospital. I'm glad Gil is holding my hand since I just get more nervous the closer we get and hold onto his hand tighter.

Gil just continues to hold my hand and he rubs gentle circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, trying to comfort me.

When we get into the hospital a few minutes later, Francis goes up to the receptionist and gets some paper and signs me in and all. Gil takes me to some chairs and we sit down while Francis does that.

"How come you're so nervous, Birdie?" Gil softly asks me. "You're not regretting coming here, are you?"

I look down a little. "I-I don't know. I think I sort of may be."

"How come? This is going to help you get better, I promise."

"B-but what if it doesn't, Gil?" I look over at him. "What if it doesn't help and it actually makes it worse? Or what if something happens before they do whatever it is they'll do? Or what if something happens while they're doing it? What if he comes back while they're doing it? Or-or what if I don't make it, Gil? What if I don't make it?"

"First off, relax, Birdie." He holds my shoulders and looks right at me. "Now listen, Birdie. Nothing bad will happen. These are trained professionals here. And if he comes back, I promise you they will make him go away as soon as they can."

"But what if they ca-"

"They can. And they will if that happens. But it won't. Because you're strong enough to-"

"Gil, I'm not." I feel the tears in my eyes and hear in my voice that it sounds like I'm about to cry. "I know I'm not strong enough to keep him away. He'll come when he wants to and leave when he wants to. I don't have control over it and I never will. It's not going to happen, this won't work. He told me it won't work. And terrible things will happen because of it. Terrible, terrible things. And we both may end up dead. And he won't care. That's what he wants. I'm sure that's what he wants."

Gil holds me close to him and quietly shushes me as he strokes my hair. He keeps doing that for a few minutes until I calm down again.

"Birdie. Everything will be Ok." He speaks softly and calmly. "There are no if's or but's about it." He gently nuzzles me a little and then lifts my head up to look at him. He gently kisses my cheek. "And you know awesome won't lie to you. And I promise you'll be Ok."

"You're full of yourself." I softly tell him as I lean against him.

He smiles and holds me close to him. "Yeah. But someone has to be."

"Who ever said it had to be you?" I look up at him a little as he fakes a hurt expression.

"Well. How dare you say something like that to me? Now you'll never be let go." He pulls me into his lap and holds me close to him. I don't mind since we're the only ones here. But then Francis comes over after signing me in and all.

"Ah, eet always warms my 'eart to see a young couple." Francis says, sitting down next to us.

I blush softly, but Gil laughs. "Kesesese. Ja, I know. And little Mattie and me are the most awesome couple ever!" I burry my head against Gil's shoulder to hide my blush. Gil and Francis both laugh and Gil holds me closer. "You're adorable, Birdie." Gil softly whispers.

I blush a little deeper but gently hug him. At least I forgot all about getting nervous.

"Zhe doctor may take a while to get 'ere." Francis tells us. I look up a little and Gil nods.

"That sounds fine. It just gives us more time to spend together." Gil tells him. I nod a little in agreement.

Francis smiles and leans back in his seat. I can tell he's uneasy about this. All of us are, but Gil and Francis are just trying not to show it and I'm not. I look down a little and Gil gently rubs my back.

"Everything all right, Birdie?"

I nod a little. "Yeah. Everything's fine." At least for now it is. I lean into him and we're all silent again while we wait. Luckily, though, there's a TV that's on. That manages to distract us for a little while. I'm not too sure what's on though, having never seen it before. It's pretty interesting and after a few episodes, I still couldn't remember the name, and a doctor comes out.

"Matthew Williams?"

"Y-yes?" I softly ask.

"Could you come with me?"

I look to Gil a little, who reassures me yet again that it's OK. Francis nods a little, letting me know it's alright. I nod a little and get up, going over to the doctor.

"If you'll just follow me through here…" He starts going off down the hallway and I slowly follow after him. I look back at Gil and Francis once more before they disappear when we go around a corner.


	43. Chapter 43

We get into a small room and the doctor asks me to sit on the examination table. I do, a little nervously though.

"There's nothing to be nervous about." he tells me.

"I-I can't help it." I softly tell him, looking down.

He nods and looks at some papers. "Alright. Now it says here that you hear voices in your head?"

"No. Just one. A-always one."

"Just one?"

"Y-yeah."

"I see." He looks back to the papers. "And you were admitted to another hospital for cutting, is that correct?"

I slowly nod. "Y-yeah…"

He nods a little again. "Alright. We're going to run a few tests real quick and see what we find. It won't take too long."

I slowly nod a little. "Ok…"

He looks at me a little, as if confused, but the look goes away soon enough. "Follow me then." He gets up and I get off the table. I follow him down the hallway and to another room. I don't exactly like this one or feel too comfortable in it, but Gil told me it would be OK so I'm sure it will be. There's some strange machine I remember seeing in a video once or twice. I look at the doctor a little. He sees the nervousness and fear on my face and smiles reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Matthew. This is perfectly safe."

"…But what it is?"

"It's just a CAT scan(_or MRI, whichever this is_). Plenty of people had used it and they're fine."

"Were they fine right afterwards?"

"Yes. They were all perfectly fine right afterwards."

I look down a little and nod a little, shaking a bit. "O-ok."

"You're going to have to stay still for the scan, OK?"

I slowly nod a little again. He gives me a worried look, but gets me ready for the CAT scan.

When they're ready, they lie me down and the thing I'm on goes into the machine. I clear my mind and try to keep myself from thinking. It's a little hard since I'm still terrified.

It takes a while and I manage not to move or think very much. It went by faster that way. When they pulled me out, I was a little dazed but fine.

"You feeling OK?" the same doctor as before asks.

I look up at him and nod a little. "Yeah."

He smiles. "Good. And I told you you'd be fine, didn't I?"

I nod a little again. "Yeah…you did."

"Alright, now we have a few more tests before we can do anything more, alright?"

I nod a little. "Alright."

"Come on, then."

He brings me to a few more rooms and does a few more tests on me. One seemed like something a physiologist would use. It was the ink blot thing. The new tests take a while and when they eventually finish, the doctor brings me back out to Francis and Gil.

"Is he OK now?" Gil asks the doctor almost immediately. "I had a feeling you would be fast with this, but that was really-"

The doctor puts up a hand to stop him. "Not yet. We only ran some tests to see what we have to work with. It will take us a little while to figure it out though."

" 'Ow long do you zink?" Francis asks.

"An hour or so."

Francis nods a little. "Alright. We'll be here waiting."

The doctor nods a little. "Alright. I'll come get Matthew again then."

"Alright."

The doctor nods and then leaves us again. Gil comes over and wraps his arms around me again, pulling me close.

"Are you OK? They didn't hurt you or anything? You're fine, right? What happened?" Gil asks me, rather worriedly.

"I'm fine, Gil. Don't worry." I assure him.

He smiles at me happily. "Good. I was so worried."

"Worried? But you said-"

"I know what I said, but I just hate being away from you, you know that." He takes my hand and brings me back to the seats and sits down with me. He holds me close to him and nuzzles me happily. "I don't want to leave you. You're too fragile to leave alone."

I blush softly. "I-I'm not fragile."

"Oh, yes you are. And I'm going to be here for you. Always." He smiles at me. I look back at him and lean my head against him.

"I'm not that fragile." I softly tell him.

"Don't you lie. You are."

"Settle down you two." Francis tells us, sitting down next to us. "Zhough, you two are adorable."

I blush softly. "Francis. Stop it."

Francis laughs and soon Gil joins in.

"Aw, but he's right." Gil tells me happily.

"Be quiet, both of you, please." I softly tell them. They don't listen though.

"So, we 'ave and hour or so, no?" Francis asks.

I nod a little. "Yeah, that's what the doctor said."

"Well, what should we do for zhat hour?"

I shrug a little. "I don't know."

"I know." Gil happily says. Francis and I both look at him. He smiles. "I'll tell you a story. One I used to tell Ludwig when he was little."

"Oh boy. Zhis can't be good." Francis says.

Gil smiles. "It's not bad. It's a little kid story. A German one."

"Don't tell it in German. We won't understand."

"I know to tell it in English. I'm not an idiot."

"Who else would say zhat?" Francis asks with a little smirk.

"Can it. Ok, so anyway. To my story. Ahem. Once upon a time there was this little boy. He was always sucking his thumb. His mother told him to cut it out or this tailor would come and cut his thumbs off. The mother left one day and told her little boy not to suck his thumbs while she was out. He told her he wouldn't, but once she left he started sucking his thumbs again. But then, he saw him. The Tailor. Now, this little boy was freaked out and all, right? So the Tailor tells him because he wouldn't stop sucking his thumbs, he would get them cut off. And you know what? The Tailor did cut off the little boy's thumbs. And he could never use them again. The Tailor left after that. When the mother came back and saw the boy bleeding on the floor with no thumbs, she told him that serves him right for not listening and sucking his thumbs. Then she gave him a mop and told him to clean up his blood. The end.*"

Francis and me are both looking at him with a look of horror. I can't think of anything to say, but Francis can.

"What kind of a story is zhat? You don't really tell little kids zhat back in Germany, do you?"

"Yes. Yes we do."

"You are very strange."

"Yeah, well who isn't?"

"Zhat is a good point."

"Can we not tell anymore stories?" I softly ask.

Gil chuckles. "That's fine. I'm sorry, Birdie. I didn't know you would freak out."

"Why would you think I wouldn't?"

"Because it's a little kid's story."

"It doesn't sound like it."

"I know."

I shake my head a little and rest it against Gil's shoulder again. I softly yawn a little.

"All zhose tests make you tired?" Francis asks me.

I nod a little. "Yeah, must have."

"Maybe you should take a nap." Gil suggests.

"Wake me if I have a nightmare." I softly tell him. "And if I have a nightmare, I better not have one from your story."

"Sorry."

I shrug it off and close my eyes. Soon enough, I fall asleep again.

*_Yes, that is an actual story told to little kids in Germany. Of course, it is not the exact story since I can't remember everything to the exact thing, but I'm sure it's pretty accurate to the story. And I don't know if they actually still tell their kids this story in Germany or not. But I watched it in German class and remembered it, so there it is._


	44. Chapter 44

Sometime later, I'm gently shaken awake. I slowly blink my eyes open and look around some.

"The doc's here for you." Gil softly tells me. I look up at him then over to the doctor, who happens to be standing there.

"Matthew." He comes over so he's in front of the three of us. "We managed to find _something_. We're not too sure exactly what it is, but we've dealt with this one other time and the patient walked out a few days later perfectly normal and perfectly fine."

"And by normal, you mean…?" I softly ask him.

The doctor softly smiles at me. "By normal I mean they didn't have any more serious problems like that. Now, they had to take some prescribed medicine for about a month just to keep everything in check, but that was it. We can do that for you if you want. It won't hurt at all, I promise. And it's perfectly safe."

I look down and then nod. "O-Ok."

Gil gently rubs my arm. "Hey, don't worry. You'll be OK."

I look up at him. "You promise?"

"I promise."

"You'll stay here?"

"Yes, Birdie. I'll stay here. I promise." He leans forward a bit, but then seems to think better of it and he lightly blushes. Like I do whenever he kisses me. I look at him for a bit before drawing up my courage and leaning up, gently kissing him.

Both of us are blushing and I pull back after a minute or so and look down again. Gil gently lifts my head up though so I'm looking at him.

"I never thought you would do something like that in public."

"For good luck." I softly tell him, hoping that would be enough to explain it.

He smiles at me and hugs me, just holding me close for a moment. He lets go of me all too soon though. "Go and get better, my little Birdie." He kisses my cheek and gets me up.

I nod. "Alright." Then I look to the doctor. "I suppose I'm ready now."

He nods. "OK. Just come with me then." The doctor walks down the hall and I follow after him. I'm nervous again, but I'm also a little excited. I'm going to be better. Finally nothing will go wrong.

We've gone down only two halls when I hear my name. But the thing is, it sounds like Gil's voice. I look around behind me to see if it's him, but no one's following us. I shake it off and continue walking. But a few minutes later, I hear it again. But with more than just my name.

_'Matthew, what are you doing? Why are you here really? Can you trust this man?'_

I try my best to ignore it, knowing it's that voice again, even though he sounds like Gil this time. He keeps talking though, trying to get to me.

_'Come on, Matthew, Mattie, Birdie. You know you can't trust him. He's just some guy. Who knows what he'll do to you? For all you know, he's going to cut you up and take a good look at your insides before just tearing you up-'_

"Shut up! You're the one who would do that! You are! No sane person would do that!" I yell at him, not realizing I'm on my knees in the hallway, holding my head. At least, I don't notice it until the doctor is kneeling in front of me. He takes my hands and looks me in the eyes.

"Matthew, is he talking to you? Is that voice in your head?" he asks me.

I slowly nod and realize I'm shaking too. "Y-yeah. H-he's there."

"What is he saying?"

"He doesn't want me to go with you. He wants me to turn back and go back home. Where no one can do anything to me. He knows he's going to be gone. He knows and he doesn't want someone else to get rid of him."

"We should hurry then. This won't be good. We're going to have to work fast. Do you think you can make it to the room?"

I shake my head. "N-no. I know I can't. He'll keep talking and he'll yell at me and make me stop."

"Is he still talking? Do you think we'll have time to go get a wheelchair or something?"

"He's still talking, just not as loud as before. And I'm focused on something else."

He nods a little. "OK. Just stand up then, come on." He helps me stand up and is holding my forearms in a firm but gentle grip.

"Do you think this will work?" I softly ask him as we start to slowly walk down the hall again.

The doctor nods and looks behind him every now and then to make sure we're going where we need to go. "I'm sure this will work. Absolutely."

"What would happen if it doesn't work?"

"Well, if it doesn't work, then we have a back-up for it."

"You have a back-up procedure?"

"Yeah. We didn't have to it last time because this first thing worked."

"Are you going to tell me what it is?"

"I wish I could, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because if I tell you, you won't want to have it done."

"Just telling me that makes me not want to have it done."

"But you want to get better, don't you? This will make you get better. I promise. It's just that if I tell, you won't believe me, and if you don't believe me then it will never work."

"That sounds insane."

"I know it does. But it's something fairly new. Remember, only one other person has had this done."

"Only one other person who was perfectly fine with this."

"Yes. They were perfectly fine with this and they were perfectly fine afterwards."

"And I will be too?"

"You will be too."

I slowly nod a little as we slowly walk into a room.

"Now, if you could just sit down here and get dressed in that, I'll go get some other doctors and we'll start." he tells me.

"OK. But how long will you be?" I ask him, not wanting the voice to get to me again.

"We'll only be about five minutes."

"OK."

The doctor smiles a little before leaving the room and closing the door.

I slowly undress, again ignoring the voice that's softly whispering horror scenarios in my head. I frown softly at the bandages and am a little uncomfortable when I'm dressed in the thin blue pants and tee-shirt. It feels paper thin and is a little big on me. I don't mind it too much though and stand by the wall with my bandaged arms behind my back as I wait.

The room is a little strange. There's a bed in the middle of the room with multiple machines around it. A table is to the side against the wall with a lot of different medical things on it. Things in glass jars, medical equipment, some papers, and a bottle of pills in the middle of it with a needle next to it.

I sigh softly and look down at my bare feet on the cold tiles. The door opens not too long after and the doctor from before comes in with three other doctors.

"Are you ready?" the first doctor asks me, coming over to me as I look up.

I slowly nod. "As ready as I'll ever be."


	45. Chapter 45

The doctors have me lie down on the bed. I do so without being told twice, but I'm nervous as I do so. I look up at them from the bed.

"You're positive this will work?" I softly ask them.

The first doctor nods. "Yes. We are all positive this will work."

"What are you going to do?"

"I was just about to tell you. First, we're going to put you to sleep…" One of the other doctors put some kind of oxygen mask over me and then puts on some machine as the first doctor continues to talk. "You won't have a nightmare or anything, I assure you. Though we are going to…"

My eyes start to feel heavy and I'm not quite registering what the doctor is telling me. I watch him a little as he leaves my vision and then comes back with something I can't identify. The doctors start talking with each other and then they look down at me. I feel some kind of pressure on my head before I fall into unconsciousness.

_-__**Gil's Point Of View**__-_

I watch Birdie go down the hallway with the doctor. I feel terrible just letting him go like that, but I know it's for the better. He'll be OK now. I look over at Francis.

"He's going to be OK, right?" I ask him.

"Of course 'e'll be OK, Gil. Zhis doctor 'as done zhis before."

"But what if he's not OK? What if something happens?"

Francis faces me. "Gilbert. Listen to me. Mathieu is going to be fine. I promise you zhat."

"And if he isn't?"

"We won't 'ave to worry about zhat. 'E _will_ be OK." He looks at me for a minute before standing up and looking to me. "We should get Mathieu off your mind."

"I don't think I can do that. I'm too worried."

"We won't leave the 'ospital. Now, come on."

I slowly nod and stand up. "Alright. But you won't be able to do it. I know it."

"We'll see." Francis leads me down through the hospital, going down hallways and we go up a floor once. Eventually, I get in front of him and stop him.

"Francis, do you even know where the hell you're going?" I ask him.

"Uh…no. I do not."

"Are you serious? What if the doctor came then? What are we supposed-"

"Gil. Calm down. Let's just go find the cafeteria, alright? We can get some food, do a little talking, and just relax."

"You know I won't be able to relax."

"You can at least get some food?"

I look down and kind of mumble, "I don't know if I'll be able to actually eat."

"I'm sure you'll be able to." Francis puts an arm around my shoulders. "Come on, let's just go, OK?"

I nod. "Fine. Let's just go."

He smiles a little. "Yeah." He leads me around for a while longer and eventually we get back to where we started.

"Francis…this is the lobby."

"I know, I know." He waves his hand at me a little before thinking. "Let's see…" He walks around a little, talking in French. He stops at a map on the wall and looks at it for a few minutes. "Oh! I know." He turns to face me.

"What is it now? Please tell me you're going to know where you're going this time." I tell him.

He nods. "Of course I know where I'm going, Gil. Don't worry." He smiles at me and gestures for me to follow him. "Let's get going. Maybe zhey'll have somezhing edible."

"I doubt it." I murmur under my breath, knowing food at hospitals is never really good.

"Come on."

I sigh and follow him yet again. We down a few more hallways and I can't help but try to check any rooms for Birdie, but we don't go by many rooms.

Francis looks back at me one time and he seems a little disappointed.

"Gil, stop looking for 'im."

"But he _has_ to be here somewhere and I'm worried sick."

"I know you are, but zhere's nozhing we can do about it right now. 'E's in the care of the doctors now. And I trust zhem. You need to trust zhem too. Trust zhem for Mathieu, OK?"

I think about it for a moment and nod again. "Alright. I'll trust them. Only because Birdie does."

"Good. We'll go get some food zhen, and zhen we can go find out if we can go see 'im. 'Ow does zhat sound?"

"It sounds like a plan."

"Good." He smiles and we continue on looking for the cafeteria. It takes us a few wrong turns and going to a wrong floor, but we finally end up getting to the cafeteria.

It's not a big place. It has a few tables and two cashiers, as if a lot of people would be here at once. There's one of those black rack things that has chips and stuff on it, there's a menu hanging over some people behind a small counter like at a fast food place, and there are some condiments off to the side. There's also a soda machine and a little freezer holding more drinks or little ice cream treats. I can't tell from where I am. There's a few people getting some food and there's one person eating. They're defiantly visitors.

I look to Francis and tell him, "I don't think I'll eat anything here."

"Well, if you don't want to leave, you are going to 'ave to."

I sigh. "I know. I know. Let's just get something."

Francis nods. "Alright."

So, we go up and Francis goes up to the people there taking orders and I just grab some Doritos from the rack. Francis gets his food which looks kinda good, which surprises me.

We go up to pay and Francis actually pays for both of us. I thank him and open the bag of Doritos. We sit down at one of the tables for Francis to eat his food. We don't talk at all, and I just look down at the table, eating my chips.

Once we're done eating, we somehow manage to make it back to the lobby in less than an hour. It surprises me since it took us at least two hours to find the cafeteria. I go up to the receptionist.

"Hey, you."

She looks up at me from the computer. "Yes?" She doesn't seem very happy.

"Can we see Matthew Williams?"

"Matthew Williams?"

"Yeah, you heard me."

"Gil." Francis says, looking at me sternly. I look over at him as the receptionist checks the computer.

"What?" I ask him.

"Be nicer. Or at least try to be."

I sigh. "Fine, fine." I look back to the receptionist. "Well?"

She looks back up at me and tells me, "You can't see him right now."

"When will we be able to?"

"I'm not too sure. But you can check back here tomorrow morning to see if you can."

"…Fine." I look back to Francis. "Well? What will we do?"

He shrugs. "Stay here or go back to school."

"We're staying. I'm not leaving."

He nods. "Alright." We go back and sit down on the chairs again.

"We're in for a long wait, aren't we?"

Francis nods. "It seems as if we are."


	46. Chapter 46

_**Matthew's Point Of View**_

I slowly start to come back into consciousness after what only seems like a few minutes. I'm in a different room on a different bed. Something is hooked up to my arm. I look down at it and follow it up to see that I'm hooked up to some IV. There's not blood in it, so that's good.

I look around the rest of the room and see that I'm in a pretty much normal hospital room. I'm confused, not too sure how I got here in the first place. And no one's even here at the moment to tell me what happened.

The door opens and I look over to see Gil, Francis, and a doctor come in. Gil rushes over to me with a smile.

"Birdie, you're awake!"

I look up at him a little and nod. "Yeah, I'm awake. How…how long was I out?"

Gil looks down and gently takes my hand. He stays silent for a few moments and seems like he doesn't want to answer it.

"You were out for two weeks." Francis tells me looking a little worried. "It should 'ave only been one."

I look at Francis, the doctor, then at Gil.

"I-I'm sorry." I softly tell Gil. "I didn't mean-"

"It's not your fault, Birdie. You don't have to apologize." he tells me.

"But it should have only been a week. I should have woken up last week. I don't know why-"

"There were some…complications." The doctor tells us, interrupting me. I look over at him.

"Complications?" I softly ask.

The doctor nods. "Yeah. The procedure took a little longer than it should have. You were losing too much blood, so we had to stop it for a little while."

"Losing too much blood? But, how?" I look at him, not sure what he was talking about. The doctor reaches up to his head in a way that seems as if he's feeling something that isn't there. He wants me to mimic the action. I'm a little scared, knowing something will be there. I don't really want to know, but I slowly reach my hand up to feel bandages there. "B-bandages?" I softly ask. I feel around the bandages, finding out they go around my head. "Wh-what happened?" I'm scared to find out though, but I can't keep myself from asking.

The doctor looks down, shifting a little as if he doesn't want to let me know what happened. Then he slowly tells me, but I know it's not all.

"We had to do a small operation. For the procedure. It's nothing to worry about, but you were just bleeding too much is all. We had to stop what we were doing to save you from bleeding to death. After that we were able to finish up nicely without any more trouble. Of course, because we had to stop and start up again, we think that was what put you for so long."

I look down at the end of the bed for a moment or so, lowering my hand. "But… I'm OK now, right? Th-that voice won't be back again, right?" I look back up at the doctor worriedly.

The doctor gives me a soft smile. "Yes, you're OK now. No, that voice shouldn't come back if you take the medicine we're going to prescribe."

I nod a little. "Medicine. No voice."

"That's right. We'll get it in a few hours, right the prescription out, and you'll stay here a few days to make sure everything's OK. And your…friends can-"

"Boyfriend and cousin." Gil tells him firmly. "We're his boyfriend," he gestures to himself, "and cousin." he gestures to Francis.

The doctor nods a bit as if he seems uncomfortable with it. "Right. Well, they can stay here with you until visiting hours are over."

Gil glares at him as if to tell him that he'll stay as long as he wants to, but he doesn't actually say anything.

I nod. "OK."

The doctor smiles. "Alright. I'm just going to run a quick few tests and then I'll leave you alone with these too.

"Alright. That's fine." I let him check a few things, my heartbeat, breathing, blood pressure, and a few other things. It only takes a few minutes before he finishes. He smiles at me before leaving.

I look up at Gil and Francis. Gil takes my hand and holds it close to him.

"I'm sorry I worried you two so much." I tell them.

"Don't be sorry, Birdie. It's not your fault. And the thing that was the problem is gone now. It'll never come back." Gil tells me.

Francis smiles at us. "Everything will be normal again now."

It takes me a small moment and then my eyes widen and I look at Gil, but talk to Gil. "But…but that means I switch back to my old school. Wh-what if…what if they're…?" I start to shake a little and Gil softly comforts me, quietly whispering to me until I'm still again.

Francis smiles a little. "Don't worry, Mathieu. Zhey are taken care of. Soon after you left, people started talking about zhat video. Zhe teachers watched it and zhe parents watched it and soon enough zhe principals and superintended got around to watching it. Zhey got zhe ozher kids in zhe video. I'm not too sure what zhey did, but I know zhey don't go zhere anymore. Alfred zaid 'e 'eard a rumor zhat zhey were in juvie."

I feel a smile start to form. I can't say anything before I find Gil hugging me. I gently wrap my arms around him.

"You hear that, Birdie? That means that the people that started this thing aren't there anymore…" He slowly lets go of me. "And that means…you can go back…"

My smile fades at that and I look down. "O-oh… Right."

Gil looks over at Francis a bit and sees that he's still smiling. "Stop smiling. This isn't a good thing."

"Oh, yes it is." Francis tells him. Before Gil can argue, Francis continues. "You 'aven't been drinking while Mathieu 'as been at school or in zhe 'ospital. And I noticed zhat even when you did drink, you didn't drink nearly as much as you did before."

"Yeah, so what?"

"So, I 'ad a talk with the principal of your school and told 'im what I knew, well minus zhe part where you actually did drink, and 'e said you would be able to go back to a normal school."

"What's so good about that?"

"Isn't your brother Ludwig?" I softly ask. Gil looks over at me.

"Yeah, he is. What about it?"

"Well…I know Ludwig goes to my old school…"

"So that means…"

"You will be going to school with Mathieu." Francis finishes.

Gil looks back to me with a smile. I'm smiling too. Gil hugs me again and I gently wrap my arms around him.

"This is great! We'll be going to school together, and even though I'm a year ahead of you, we'll be able to see each other almost all the time and I can come over after school and you can come over and-"

"I get it Gil, I get it." I softly tell him. Gil smiles happily at me.

"I know. I'm just…I'm just so excited. I get to leave and I still get to be with you."

I nod. "Yeah. Things are finally going to get better now."

"They sure are, Birdie. They sure are."


	47. Chapter 47

It takes a few days, but I'm finally able to go home. They doctors had kept me there and checked up on me every other hour or so to make sure I was OK. They ran basic tests on me every day too. And Francis and Gil visited every day from when visiting hours started and left when they were forced to at the end of the hours.

That Saturday, at about eleven in the morning, I'm finally released from the hospital. I'm a little unsteady at first, but Gil helps me steady myself. We start to head to the entrance, having gotten the prescription for my medicine. Gil tells me how they had gotten lost in here so many times; they practically knew where everything was. That doesn't assure me as much as Gil probably hoped it did.

We managed to get out of the hospital quickly enough and into the parking lot. I look up at Francis.

"Do you remember where you parked?" I softly ask him.

He thinks for a moment before nodding. "Yes, I believe I remember."

"Good." We follow Francis around the parking lot for a little while before stopping at his car.

" 'Ere we are."

We all get into the car with Francis in the front and me and Gil in the back. Francis starts the car and soon enough, we're driving down the highway again. I lean against Gil and he holds me close.

I look out the window as we drive. There's not too much to see though, just a bunch of trees and some sound barriers.

"Birdie?" Gil asks after about a half hour or so.

I look over at him. "Yeah?"

"Do you think you're going to be OK?"

I think for a moment before slowly nodding. "I hope so."

"You hope so, but you don't know."

I look down as he holds me and nod a little. "Yeah. The last time this was 'fixed' I had nightmares that life was going to get worse."

Gil gently rubs my arm. "I'll make sure nothing hurts you ever again."

"I know." I gently take his hand and hold it close. He kisses my cheek and smiles at me. I softly smile back at him. Even though I'm worried something bad will happen, I feel almost all relaxed. I hold his hand a bit tighter and Gil looks at me.

"Is something wrong?" he worriedly asks.

I shake my head. "No. Nothing's wrong."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, Gil."

He nods and holds me closer. "Alright."

I nod and let my mind wander. Normally, I'm scared to do this, but I need to see if it worked. If I don't have to worry anymore. For the rest of the ride home, I'm lost in thought as I look out the window. My mind is basically blank the whole time, but I like it. My mind isn't busy with worries or anything. And the best thing is I only hear my own voice. I don't realize how relaxed I really am though until I feel someone shaking me.

"Birdie, come on, wake up. We're home."

I slowly open my eyes, not even realizing I had fallen asleep. Gil's looking at me with a small smile.

"Did you have a good nap?" he asks.

"Yeah, I did." I softly tell him with a smile. Then I look around and realize Francis isn't there. "Where's Francis go?"

"He went inside already to tell your dad and brother the good news. Come on, let's not keep them waiting."

I slowly nod with a small smile. "Ok."

Gil smiles and gets out of the car, holding the door open for me. I get out of the car and softly thank him. He takes my hand and leads me up to the front door. I hesitate a little though.

"Hey, it'll be alright. Don't worry." Gil assures me. I nod and open the door a little slowly.

Nothing happens at first as we step inside and walk down the hall. As soon as we make it to the kitchen, though, I'm nearly thrown to the floor when Al tackles me into a hug. He starts talking, but his voice is muffled against my shirt and he's talking too fast for me to be able to understand a word he's saying.

"Alfred, slow down. I don't understand you. And…and I think you're starting to crush me."

"Sorry, bro." Al stands up and gets off me, offering me a hand up. I gently take it and stand up. Gil wraps an arm around me protectively.

"Are you OK?" Gil asks.

I nod. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Al tells me.

"It's alright." I smile softly.

"Dude, you really can smile!"

I nod a little. "Of course I can smile."

"It's just been so long since anyone's seen you smile."

"I know."

"Well, I hear you're coming back to school. Along with Gilbert."

"Yeah, it'll be like-"

"Normal people." Al interrupts. "Yeah, it will be."

"And I'll protect you from any bullies." Gil tells me, kissing my cheek. I blush softly but smile.

Francis comes in from the other room with a smile.

"Your dad says zhat 'e is elated zhat you are back. 'E iz even getting off early and asked zhat I make your favorite for dinner."

I look down a bit, lightly blushing. "You don't have to do that, it's alright. Really."

" 'E insisted zhat I do. And anyway, eet iz no problem." He gently ruffles my hair a little and gets to cooking. Alfred goes to the living room and Gil and I follow him. We sit down on the sofa and Gil pulls me into his lap.

"Everything is going to be so much better now." Al tells us happily as he turns on the TV.

I nod. "I know."

"Oh, so you know now?" Gil asks me with a smile.

"Yeah."

"How do you know now?"

"When I was asleep, I didn't even know I was. I always know when I'm sleeping because I always have nightmares. Even after the first time, I had nightmares. But I didn't this time. None of the days I was there. And I haven't heard him since the last time he talked. So…I'm sure that everything is going to be OK."

"See? I kept telling you that, didn't I?" Al asks happily.

"Yeah."

"Though, I guess I'll have to get used to seeing Gil around though. And people at school are going to know about this, you know that, right?"

"Don't worry." Gil tells him. "No one will dare even think about hurting my Birdie in anyway when I have something to say about it."

"And why is that?" Al asks.

"Because with my awesomeness plus Birdie's awesomeness together, the awesomeness level will be too much for anyone to handle. They won't be able to do anything to hurt anyone that is part of this extreme awesomeness that is us."

Al stares for a minute before saying, "Well, it looks like someone's full of himself."

"You can be too sometimes." I softly tell him.

"I'm not too full of myself. Heroes aren't full of themselves." Alfred crosses his arms and pouts slightly.

"Do you always call yourself a hero?" Gil asks.

"It's only because it's true!"

I smile softly, leaning against Gil as they both argue. It doesn't bother me and it seems familiar somehow. It seems like a family. And it becomes all too real for me then that this comfortable family feeling actually will be how the rest of my life is…

_And in reality, it is. My life has its minor complications just like everyone else's, but it's nothing Earth- shattering. I go to a good college and it's the same one as Gil. I wasn't bullied again since getting back to school. And after graduating from college, Gil and I got married. We live together with two adopted children of our own. We all live peacefully and happily together in a nice little house in Canada…_

~End~

_((Small A/N: sorry if the ending isn't all too good, I'm still working on how to end things….))_


End file.
